Yanwen’s blog

When our relatives sit together talking, I have noticed two different styles of an adult and her son. One of my sisters habitually expresses herself in an assertive manner, zero tolerance of opposing voice, showing your typical dominant personality.

Her son appears to be the opposite. He cares more about maintaining harmony with others, not to provoke or rub someone the wrong way. So he is gentle and quiet, seldom talks without being asked, never raising different voices. 

This resembles the scene in one of my former work places where one colleague talked in similar fashion, making others quiet.

I used to think perhaps others don’t have much meaningful to share. Actually this pattern is the result of interactions between them over the course of a long period of time.

Very often, in our fervor to express ourselves, we forget to consider the impacts of our manner on our listeners, that our forceful manner of speaking and reacting to different voices could sound intimidating and discouraging to others to talk. We are so dominant that we forget to give others opportunities to speak, especially in a family. The consequences of this dominant style may include raising a child who prefers to be quiet and bury his voice.

A Chinese saying describes this style 一人独断 (yì rén dú duàn), meaning:  one person makes decisions disregarding others, the opposite of being democratic.

This morning my 93-year old mother told me that she is the only survivor among her generation of in-laws, 8 of them in total, my parents-in-law, my first sister’s parents-in-law, my youngest sister’s parents-in-law and my parents. This is true. 

To encourage her to keep doing the right things for herself, I told her of two keys to her longevity: healthy lifestyle and keeping high her spirits.

She said, there’s no one size fits all recipe for keeping one’s spirits high and getting good moods. Each one has his own unique way. Some people get high from their careers pursuit, some in having good food, or in traveling, some in creative works, while others in serving the society. That’s why there’s a Chinese saying, 助人为乐（Zhù-rén wéi lè), meaning: get pleasure from helping others, get Helper’s high.

What surprises me is the fact that my mother totally embraces the belief in diversity even though she has never been educated in a place that advocates diversity.

Perhaps the third key to longevity is wisdom, the one that recognizes, accepts and respects diversity in life or perhaps helper’s high.

On my way back to Beijing I met one Chinese graduate student majoring in American literature from UMass. She just finished her studies and moved back to China. No job is waiting for her now in China. 

Sitting by my left side are two Chinese students going to a private high school in Florida. They came from Changchun as sophomore last fall. They go back to China for winter, spring and summer breaks. They talk and behave very much like your average Chinese students.

I also met a young relative of mine, who is turning 26 soon. I was thinking about talking with him and sharing with him some of my ideas and thoughts. But I refrained from saying anything beyond shallow greetings. I’d rather write something here.

Not because I don’t have anything valuable to say or to share but because I think of the time when I was his age and what I was doing and thinking.

Back then I was young and stupid and full of myself, definitely not interested in listening to seniors talking and trying to learn from them. I thought they either don’t understand me or they belong to an older generation, sort of lagging behind in their way of thinking.

Young people see the differences between us much more than wherein we are the same, that we are all travelers on this same life journey, all going through the same process of growing, rebelling, awakening, self-awareness, self-fulfillment, and most importantly, getting old.

Being senior means they start the journey earlier than the young and have the time to accumulate some valuable experiences. The paradox of life is this: seldom do the young have the wisdom to see this. After they repeat the same mistakes and are no longer young, they now know.

A Chinese saying goes, 年轻气盛 (nián qīng qì shèng), that is, young people like to fight at every battle.

A tall architecture with a commanding view caught my eyes while I was passing through the Brooklyn Bridge. I walked to its front, wondering what this building was. Honestly, I didn't expect it to be a government building. Generally, government buildings have a boring modern look. It must be some kind of ancient architecture with a long history. It is called Manhattan Municipal Building.

Can you believe a government has such great taste for a building incorporating classic Roman styles of architecture with Corinthian columns? More research reveals that the design of the building was inspired by the City Beautiful movement in New York.

This is the first time that I heard of City Beautiful movement. I think the movement exemplifies a scenario where people were motivated by the reform philosophy that beautiful urban environment promoted order, harmony and civic pride and improves the quality of life. They were driven by the belief that physical appearance of a city could have strong social, cultural and moral impacts on the residents. And they implemented their noble ideas and beautiful visions, resulting in, among others, Manhattan Municipal Building.

Such a splendid building! It all started with a noble idea and a beautiful vision. Idea and vision come ahead of everything.

Here’s a Chinese saying for this, 完美无缺 (Wánměi wúquē), meaning “flawless.”

By the way, I wrote this piece on 12/26/2024. I have to recycle this one as I’m on the way to Beijing now. 

A few days ago, I received the news of the passing of Zong Qinghou, the founder of Wahaha. Wahaha (娃哈哈) holds a special place in my heart as it brings back memories of the time when my son, still a little boy in China, used to enjoy drinking Wahaha.

It was only recently that I learned about the founder, Zong, who stood tall as one of the early entrepreneurs in China during the 1980s. For many, he was not just an entrepreneur but a model and embodiment of entrepreneurship.

Zong emphasized the concept of 上限思维 (Shàng xiàn sī wéi), known as top-line or upper limit thinking. Essentially, when embarking on significant journeys or enterprises, the focus should be on the potential gain rather than dwelling on the minimal risks. This approach stands in contrast to bottom-line thinking.

This philosophy brings to mind various instances, such as my son's decision to leave his job in New York City in 2012 and start his own company from the grassroots. It also echoes the courage of those who leave their comfort zones, sell all their belongings, and venture into this country. All of these individuals have embraced the idea of top-line thinking.

Undoubtedly, the journey ahead is filled with challenges and untold hardships, yet they remain undeterred because they have adopted the mindset of top-line thinking.

By the way, I will be flying to Beijing at 1 am, 2/29.