Yanwen’s blog

10/15/2026

This is the third piece in my sharing what I have learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.

Another important psychological concept discussed in the book is subjective construal. In social psychology, it refers to how people interpret and make sense of events and situations. We do not respond solely to what objectively happens; we also respond to what we believe those events mean. In many cases, the meaning we give an experience can matter as much as the experience itself.

The same event or message can be understood very differently depending on the context, our beliefs, our personal experiences, and how the situation is framed in our mind.

Our interpretations are shaped by our values, culture, mood, assumptions, and expectations. Two people can witness the same event yet arrive at very different conclusions.

How does subjective construal differ from naïve realism?

The two concepts are closely related but emphasize different things.

• Subjective construal describes how we interpret reality. Our perception is not simply a direct copy of what happens; we make sense of events through our own perspectives.

• Naïve realism describes our tendency to mistake our interpretation for objective truth. We assume that we see things as they really are and that people who disagree with us must be mistaken or biased.

In short, subjective construal explains why people may see the same situation differently, while naïve realism helps explain why they may have difficulty accepting those differences.

The story of three stonecutters

A classic story illustrates the power of subjective construal. When asked what they are doing, three stonecutters give different answers.

The first says he is doing tedious, backbreaking work. The second says he is earning a living to support his family. The third says he is building a church.

All three are doing the same physical work, but each understands it differently. The first sees hardship, the second sees a responsibility, and the third sees a lofty purpose. Seeing his work as part of something meaningful may help the third stonecutter endure the physical demands of the job. Same work, different meaning to them, which yields different results.

Wisdom may lie partly in learning to interpret our experiences in ways that are both realistic and constructive. We should distinguish fact from assumptions, remain open to the possibility that our first interpretation may be incomplete, and look for meaning that helps us experience life more positively.

This also connects to the Chinese expression 因势利导 (yīn shì lì dǎo): guiding things in a favorable direction by making use of existing circumstances. Channel factors help us arrange the conditions that make a desired action easier, while subjective construal can help us understand why that action matters.

We cannot always change what has already happened to us, but we can become wiser by reframing our experiences in ways that help us see them more constructively. That may be the beginning of becoming a wiser person.

10/14/2026

I will continue sharing what I learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights, by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross (2015).

One psychological insight discussed in the book is channel factors: small situational or environmental features that make a particular behavior easier or harder to carry out. Rather than changing people's motivation, these factors influence whether they can turn their intentions into action.

Often, seemingly minor changes in our surroundings or in the way things are organized can either help us act on our intentions or prevent us from doing so. They reduce or increase the friction between “I want to do something” and actually doing it.

A common metaphor compares behavior to water flowing through pipes. Attitudes and beliefs provide the water pressure, while channel factors determine the shape of the pipes, the openings that allow water to flow, and the blockages that stop it. Even strong intentions may not lead to action if the path is blocked.

Why does this matter? We often overestimate the importance of personality and motivation while underestimating the influence of small practical obstacles and environmental cues. Trying to change people's attitudes may not be enough. Sometimes, removing a simple barrier or making a desired behavior more convenient can make a real difference.

For example: If you want to eat more fruit, keep it in plain sight on the kitchen counter. If you want to eat less candy, put it away in a cabinet rather than leaving it within easy reach. These small changes make one behavior easier and another less convenient, without requiring you to rely entirely on willpower.

By the way, this idea reminds me of the Chinese expression 因势利导 (yīn shì lì dǎo), which means guiding something in a favorable direction by making use of existing circumstances or momentum. The two ideas are not exactly the same, but both recognize that the situation around us can influence what happens.

In the end, becoming wiser is not just a matter of knowing what to do; it is also a matter of creating conditions that make wise behavior more likely to happen. Instead of always trying harder, a wise person can get better results by making the right action easier to happen.

10/13/2026

A few years ago, I read The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross, published in 2015. I took some notes and planned to share what I learned. Now I would like to revisit one of the book’s key psychological insights: naïve realism.

Naïve realism is the mistaken belief that our subjective interpretation of the world is objective reality. 你所谓的客观是你的幻觉 (Nǐ suǒwèi de kèguān, shì nǐ de huànjué), What you call objectivity is just your illusion.

We tend to believe that we see things as they really are and that reasonable people should see them the same way. When someone disagrees with us, we may assume that the person is misinformed, irrational, or biased, rather than recognizing that we all interpret the world through our own experiences and perspectives.

The thinking behind naïve realism can be summarized in three assumptions:

• “I see things as they really are.” My understanding is based on facts, not merely on my personal perspective.

• “Other reasonable people should agree with me.” If they have the same information I do, they should reach the same conclusion.

• “If they disagree with me, something must be wrong with them.” They must be uninformed, irrational, biased, or influenced by their own interests.

The irony is that people on opposite sides of a disagreement often think in exactly the same way. Each side believes it sees reality clearly and wonders how the other side could be so wrong.

Consider a simple example.

Two people watch the same news report about a controversial political issue but reach opposite conclusions. Person A thinks Person B must be misinformed or politically biased. Person B thinks exactly the same thing about Person A. Both sincerely believe they are being objective, yet neither fully recognizes how personal values and experiences shape their interpretation of the facts.

This helps explain why disagreements can be so difficult to resolve, even when both sides have access to the same information.

Naïve realism can make matters worse in three ways:

1. We confuse our interpretation with reality. We forget that our upbringing, experiences, values, and expectations influence how we understand what we see.

2. We underestimate other people's perspectives. We assume that anyone who knows the same facts should reach the same conclusions, overlooking differences in values and priorities.

3. We become less willing to listen. Instead of trying to understand why someone sees things differently, we dismiss that person as ignorant, irrational, or dishonest.

How can we guard against naïve realism?

The first step is to remember that being confident we are right does not necessarily mean we are right. When we disagree with someone, we can try to see the issue from that person's perspective and consider how their past experiences and values might influence their judgment.

One useful question to ask ourselves is: If I had grown up in the other person's circumstances, might I see this issue differently?

The authors argue that becoming wise requires us to move beyond “naïve realism.” On the one hand, we should approach social conflicts with a more mature mindset, recognizing how subjective perspectives shape the views of both sides rather than blindly taking sides. On the other hand, when dealing with conflicts ourselves, we should set aside our assumptions as much as possible and try to reconstruct the full picture through careful investigation.

More importantly, wise people make an effort to put themselves in others’ shoes and consider different perspectives. As Abraham Lincoln is often quoted as saying, “I do not like that man. I must get to know him better.”

For me, the most valuable lesson is that we should be at least as willing to examine our own thinking as we are to criticize someone else's. Being open to another perspective does not mean giving up our own convictions. It means recognizing that even when we believe we see the whole picture, there may be more for us to understand.

10/12/2026

A friend wrote this after reading the book, “ 社会文化环境造就的女性群体悲剧

                         ——读《盐镇》有感

       昨天晚上读完了《盐镇》全文，这本书和我最开始预想的不太一样。我原以为是讲一个川南小镇的历史变迁，结果全书描述的是小镇上十位普通女性的故事。这些女性年龄最小的只有17岁，年龄最大的是90岁，基本上覆盖了所有年龄层，为读者提供了一个非常生动和丰富立体的小镇女性画像。

        在阅读这些小镇女性生命中的悲欢离合时，我其实心里非常难受。在阅读其他的文学作品的时候，我经常会有一种抽离感，因为大部分的人和事离我比较遥远。而这本书却让我有非常深入的代入感，也许因为我也出生在川南农村，所以书中的方言和风景对我来说都是再熟悉不过，更多的原因则可能是因为书中的人和事都能在我身边找到原型，有的故事就是我身边亲友邻居，甚至自己母亲或者姐妹的故事。

        我的生活中一直充斥着各种女性悲剧故事，但平常我都只把它作为个例看待。当这本书把这些故事一呈现出来的时候，我才意识是一切都并不是仅仅个例，不是遇人不淑，不是运气不好，而是整个乡土文化，整个小镇的社会运行系统在对女性进行系统性的剥削和压迫，我不由得感到悲哀与绝望。

书中的绝大部分女性都遭遇了严重的家暴，无论是来自父亲还是来自丈夫。当然也能从书中发现，随着时代的变迁，年轻女性遭受家暴的比例确实在下降。但这个变化并非来自男性本身的觉醒，而来自年轻女性敢于说不、敢于离婚的比例变多。

        我曾以为家庭中的不平等主要来源于经济地位不平等，因为男性具有更多的赚钱能力，是家庭的主要供养者，导致他们天然处于上位，因此只要女性有了相应的经济实力，家庭地位就会自然而然提高。看了此书之后，我这其实是错的，因为书中绝大部分的女性都非常勤劳，都在赚钱养家。事实上，由于书中大部分男人都有抽烟喝酒赌博的恶习，基本上自己挣的钱不够自己花，女性才是家庭的主要供养者。因此导致家庭地位不平等的原因并不是经济地位，而是由于传统的社会观念对女性的约束和压迫。比如书中的女性大多数都不敢离婚，或者偶尔一两个事业有成的女强人离婚之后，二婚仍不幸福却不敢再次离婚，原因都是害怕外界的舆论。而书中的男人不管是烂酒、赌博还是嫖娼，都不会受舆论的困扰和鞭笞，更不要说抽烟喝酒打老婆孩子这种日常操作了。

        社会观念对小镇女性的压迫还体现在对女性的物化上。书中多次描写到，在小镇上评价一个男人是否成功的标准是他拥有的资本，而评价一个女人是否成功的标志是在于她是否有人要。因此依据这个评价体系中，单身的女人无疑是失败的，离婚的女人不管有多少钱也是失败的。这让我想起了前几年回老家听到了一个故事，两个中年妇女吵架，最大的攻击点就是对方有女性亲属离过婚，无论离婚原因是谁的过错，离婚都是这位女性和她的所有亲属洗不掉的污点。[破涕为笑]

       前段时间网上有一句话，说优质男性的品质，其实在大部分的女性身上都司空见惯。所以男性没进化好，天性就比较恶劣。看了《盐镇》后，我觉得这个论调完全是错误的。书有一个故事是关于一对女同的故事，这对女同因为工作都是在体制内，和镇上的人打交道不多，所以较少受到舆论的影响。女同中的妻子，不是天生的同性恋，而是因为在当地找不到优质的男性，被迫选择了这位女性作为丈夫。而扮演男性的这位女同，一开始是很鄙视周围男性的所作所为的。但是当她扮演丈夫的时间越长，她越来越像周围的男性，即抽烟喝酒赌博打老婆不做家务，这些都变成她彰显男性气质的方式。看完这个故事后，我觉得男性并不是天生自制力差、恶习较多，而更多是社会环境的影响和纵容。

        前几年我很想去参加司法考试，想通过后去NGO做困境女性的公益法律援助工作。后来因为种种原因没有进行。看完这本书我就在想，这样的工作当然想起来很有意义。但事实上，更多时候都是非常无助的，有可能很多女性根本不敢离婚，因为舆论或者社会的压力根本不敢离开那个剥削和压迫她的环境。很多女性甚至已经把很多剥削压迫进行合理化和美化，同时还主动去维护这样的社会结构，从一个受害者逐渐演变变成施暴者。所以，个人身体力行去解救被压迫的女性当然很好，但作为一个女性主义者，不断地发声呐喊倡议也同样有意义。从这个意义来讲，我觉得一下易小荷的这本《盐镇》的选材和视角非常棒！

       前几天和女儿聊天时，女儿说她问过ChatGPT，男女平等什么时候真正才能实现？ChatGPT说还要120年。我觉得AI也许也许是对的，但如果我们都不作为的话，这个时间或许会需要更久。在这个平等真正实现之前，我们都应该努力去发声、去揭露、去批判、去身体力行的影响周围的人，影响这个世界，让这个世界变得更好些，让真正的平权能早一日到来。这应该是我们这一代人的使命，也是我们人生的意义所在。”

10/11/2026

A few days ago, I came across an article about the relationship between fathers and sons. As I read it, I thought of a relative of mine whose relationship with his father has remained strained, even as he approaches forth.

The article tells the story of a man who recalled an experience with his father, who was then nearly seventy years old.

One day, they were looking through old photographs together when they came across a picture of the man at age three. In the photo, his father was holding him high above his head, and the little boy had a bright, proud smile on his face.

The son put the photograph in his wallet. Later, for the first time, his father opened up about his own childhood and his relationship with his father.

“My father never held me. I never even got to sit on his lap,” he said, tears streaming down the old man's face.

The son was deeply moved. Even at age seventy, his father still carried the pain of never having been held by his own father as a little boy.

The contrast is striking. The father had grown up longing for a simple expression of affection that he never received. His son, on the other hand, treasured a moment of tenderness from his own childhood so much that he carried the photograph in his wallet decades later.

A small gesture of love can leave a lasting impression. A hug, a playful lift into the air, or a child sitting on his father's lap reading or eating may seem like a small act to an adult. To a child, however, such moments can become precious memories and help build a sense of security and belonging.

The article goes on to discuss the role fathers play at different stages of a boy's development. It offers three general suggestions.

1. During the toddler years: Offer affection and encourage independence.

Fathers can spend time playing with their young sons, showing affection, and helping them explore the world beyond their immediate attachment to their mothers. A father's involvement gives a child another source of comfort and support while encouraging curiosity and growing independence.

2. During childhood: Set boundaries while encouraging exploration.

Boys may enjoy physical play, adventure, and testing limits. Fathers can use everyday activities, including playful wrestling when appropriate, to teach children about rules, self-control, and respect for others. The goal is not to suppress a child's energy but to help him learn how to manage it.

3. During adolescence: Offer guidance and model responsibility.

Teenagers need both room to make their own decisions and adults who provide steady guidance. Fathers can help by setting reasonable boundaries, treating others with respect, and demonstrating responsibility. They also need to work with the child's mother to provide consistent expectations.

I find some of this advice useful, but I am not convinced that every boy must follow the same developmental path or that fathers alone must fulfill these roles. A close bond with one's mother does not necessarily prevent a boy from becoming independent. Nor does a father's presence automatically guarantee good behavior. Children differ, and mothers, fathers, grandparents, and other caring adults can all contribute to their development.

Still, one point stands out to me: a father's involvement matters, not only through discipline and guidance, but also through everyday expressions of affection.