Yanwen’s blog

10/19/2026

For the past few days, I have been writing about The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.

Today, something someone said made me wonder: Why did the authors feel the need to write a book about wisdom? Is it because becoming wise is so difficult? If wisdom were easy to acquire, perhaps there would be little need for a book about it.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that wisdom is not something we can gain easily like learning some math skills. Perhaps that is precisely why wisdom deserves a book of its own.

But there may be another reason wisdom is so difficult to attain: a paradox here, that is, the very intelligence that helps us understand the world can sometimes prevent us from recognizing that we are wrong.

The Chinese expression 自以为是 (zì yǐ wéi shì) captures this tendency among some smart people. It describes someone who assumes that, given their "high intelligence," their own views can't be wrong and they struggle to accept other perspectives.

Ironically, intelligence can sometimes make this tendency even stronger. A smart person may be skilled at constructing convincing arguments, but instead of using that ability to test an existing belief, they may use it to defend the belief against criticism. The better they become at arguing their case, the harder it may be for them to recognize their own mistakes.

I remember a relative telling me that her child once said to her, “Mom, you’re not qualified to talk to me about this if you haven’t read enough about it.”

That sounds a bit arrogant. This is written particularly for the younger generation: Reading and acquiring knowledge are certainly valuable and the young might master new knowledge faster than the older generation, but knowing more about a subject does not means you can dismiss another person's perspective. 

A person may have less knowledge about a particular topic and still have valuable life experience or insights to share. And it’s wise to listen to those you consider less knowledgeable than you. Would you dismiss your children’s words because they are not as educated as you are?

There is a Chinese saying that captures this paradox beautifully: 聪明反被聪明误 (cōng míng fǎn bèi cōng míng wù)—one's cleverness can be one's own undoing.

Of course there's a need to write a book about becoming the smartest one in the room. The world has no shortage of smart people. What it lacks is not intelligence, but the wisdom to use it well. That is why a book about becoming the wisest one in the room is worth reading!

10/18/2026

This is the final piece in my series sharing what I have learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross. I had planned to finish it yesterday, but the question of what it means to be wise made me want to linger a little longer on this book.

When a baby is born, people often compliment the baby by saying, “How smart!” This familiar reaction made me think of a related question: What is the difference between being smart and being wise?

First, intelligence and wisdom are different qualities.

Being smart is generally associated with intellectual abilities: learning quickly, grasping facts, solving problems, remembering information, and reasoning logically. Very often, intelligence is influenced by our natural abilities, something a person is born with.

Wisdom, on the other hand, involves more than intellectual ability. It includes self-awareness, an understanding of human nature, the ability to recognize situational forces, a willingness to question our own assumptions, and the judgment to consider long-term consequences. Wisdom develops not simply through accumulating experience but through reflecting on that experience, learning from mistakes, and correcting our biases.

A naturally intelligent person can therefore make foolish decisions. Knowing a great deal does not necessarily mean knowing what to do, when to do it, or whether doing it is worthwhile. I have seen many smart people doing foolish or unwise things, such as dating a girl while in a long relationship with another.

Second, wisdom is something we can actively cultivate and develop after birth.

We may not have much control over what our parents give us at birth, like our innate abilities, but we can work on becoming wiser. We can learn to recognize our blind spots, consider perspectives different from our own, and pause before making important judgments.

This is one reason I find the book valuable. Its insights are not merely concepts to understand; they are lessons we can apply in everyday life. For example, understanding channel factors and nudging can help us change our habits by making desirable actions easier, rather than relying entirely on willpower. Recognizing situational forces can help us understand other people's behavior before judging their character. And being aware of naïve realism can remind us that our own interpretation of a situation is not necessarily the only reasonable one.

The hardest part of these insights lies not just in understanding them but in putting them into practice.

Third, intelligence without wisdom can sometimes work against us.

A smart person may be excellent at analyzing a complex math problem and constructing a convincing argument, yet fail to recognize personal biases or consider the long-term consequences of a decision. 

Even worse and more dangerous, very often intelligence is even used to defend a poor decision rather than reconsider it.

Imagine someone who argues fiercely to prove that they are right, without considering the other person's perspective or the damage the argument may cause to their relationship. The person may be skilled at reasoning, but that skill alone does not guarantee good judgment.

Some smart parent may win an argument with a child by insisting on being right or having the final word, but winning the fight over his child often lose something more important: the child’s affection, and his willingness to communicate openly. Winning the battle does not necessarily mean winning the child’s heart.

A wise person is more willing to step back, consider both sides, and ask whether winning the argument is worth the cost. Wisdom also involves knowing which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.

When dealing with people, this kind of judgment often matters more in the long run than simply being the quickest thinker in the room.

To me, the distinction can be summed up this way: intelligence gives us tools for thinking; wisdom helps us decide how and when to use them. We may be born with huge intellectual ability, but making sound decisions requires self-awareness, perspective, and the humility to recognize that we may be wrong.

Ultimately, our gaol is to become the wisest one in the room, not the smartest.

10/17/2026

This is my 5th piece in the series about what I have learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.

For me, one final important insight is this: we do not always act because we believe; sometimes, we come to believe because we act.

We normally assume that people act only after thinking things through and forming an intention. In other words, ideas come before actions. But the authors point to the other side of the relationship: our actions can also shape our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.

I was skeptical of this idea at first. But consider how taking a brisk walk can sometimes lift your mood. Or think of the familiar saying, “Fake it till you make it.” When you practice acting confidently and taking responsibility, you may gradually begin to see yourself as a more capable person. Repeated actions can change not only what you do but also how you see yourself.

The same principle may help explain why the more effort we invest in a task, the more important it can become to us, or why investing time and energy in a relationship can deepen our attachment to another person. Our actions can influence the meaning we give to our experiences.

Why Does This Matter?

First, it gives us a practical way to change our mood and mindset.

If we want to feel better, we do not always have to wait for our mood to improve before doing something. We can start by changing our behavior. If we want to feel more cheerful, try smiling or taking a quick walk. These actions will not solve every problem, but they may help shift how we feel.

Likewise, if we want to develop an interest in something, we can try doing it before deciding whether we like it. If we want to become more confident, we can practice taking small steps outside our comfort zone. Rather than letting hesitation stop us, we can begin with a manageable action and let experience shape our attitude.

Sometimes, the way forward is not to think our way into action but to act our way toward a new way of thinking.

Second, this insight offers another way to understand ourselves and others.

When we are puzzled by our own feelings or someone else's behavior, we often spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what is going on inside our minds. Yet our actions can provide useful clues. What we repeatedly choose to do, what we devote our time to, and how we treat others may reveal something about our priorities, attachments, and values that we have not fully recognized.

Of course, behavior does not tell the whole story. People sometimes act against their beliefs or values, and the same action can have different motivations. Still, paying attention to what people actually do, alongside what they say, can give us a more grounded understanding of them.

A Final Thought

This book has reminded me that becoming wiser involves more than acquiring knowledge. It also requires examining how we think, how we interpret others, and how our surroundings influence us. For me, one of its most practical lessons is that we do not always need to wait for our thoughts and feelings to change before taking action. Sometimes, a small action is the first step toward a meaningful change in how we think, feel, and live.

10/16/2026

This is the fourth piece in my series sharing what I have learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.

Another important insight in the book is the power of situational forces—the often-overlooked influence of our social environment and immediate circumstances on how we think, feel, judge, and behave.

Situational forces are a central theme of the book, not merely an isolated psychological concept. The publisher emphasizes that understanding the subtle, often hidden forces acting on people is essential to becoming wiser.

What Are Situational Forces?

Situational forces are the circumstances surrounding us that influence our behavior. They may include social pressure, expectations, incentives, the presence of other people, the way choices are presented, and the practical conditions under which decisions are made.

The central insight is that we often explain people's behavior by referring to their personalities or character while overlooking the situations in which they act.

When someone behaves selfishly, for example, we may conclude that the person is selfish by nature. But do we know the circumstances? Perhaps the person is competing for a scarce resource or responding to an environment that rewards self-interest. These factors do not necessarily excuse the behavior, but they may help explain it.

This does not mean that personality is irrelevant or that people are free of responsibility. Rather, it reminds us that we cannot fully understand someone's behavior without considering the situation in which it occurs.

Why Does This Matter?

First, situational thinking helps us avoid the fundamental attribution error.

This is our tendency to explain other people's behavior mainly in terms of their character while underestimating the influence of circumstances. Recognizing situational forces encourages us to pause before judging someone. Instead of immediately labeling a person as lazy, selfish, or unkind, we can ask what pressures or conditions might have contributed to the behavior.

Second, we can use situational forces to encourage better behavior through nudging.

A nudge is a way of arranging choices or adjusting an environment to make a desired behavior easier or more likely, without forcing people to do it. For example, keeping healthy snacks within easy reach may encourage better eating habits. Making books accessible and setting aside a regular reading time may help children develop a reading habit.

This approach can be especially useful for parents. Instead of repeatedly telling children what they should do or relying entirely on their willpower, parents can create routines and environments that make good habits easier to develop.

The authors' broader message is that achieving meaningful change does not always require extraordinary willpower. Sometimes, it is more effective to build a favorable context and create a clear, manageable path toward the desired behavior. What may seem like a small adjustment can have a surprisingly powerful effect because it works with, rather than against, the way people naturally behave.

A Lesson in Wisdom

A wise person looks beyond appearances, considers the circumstances before judging others, and recognizes that changing an environment can sometimes be more effective than demanding that people change themselves. Before asking why someone behaves a certain way, we should also ask what situation may be shaping that behavior.

10/15/2026

This is the third piece in my sharing what I have learned from The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.

Another important psychological concept discussed in the book is subjective construal. In social psychology, it refers to how people interpret and make sense of events and situations. We do not respond solely to what objectively happens; we also respond to what we believe those events mean. In many cases, the meaning we give an experience can matter as much as the experience itself.

The same event or message can be understood very differently depending on the context, our beliefs, our personal experiences, and how the situation is framed in our mind.

Our interpretations are shaped by our values, culture, mood, assumptions, and expectations. Two people can witness the same event yet arrive at very different conclusions.

How does subjective construal differ from naïve realism?

The two concepts are closely related but emphasize different things.

• Subjective construal describes how we interpret reality. Our perception is not simply a direct copy of what happens; we make sense of events through our own perspectives.

• Naïve realism describes our tendency to mistake our interpretation for objective truth. We assume that we see things as they really are and that people who disagree with us must be mistaken or biased.

In short, subjective construal explains why people may see the same situation differently, while naïve realism helps explain why they may have difficulty accepting those differences.

The story of three stonecutters

A classic story illustrates the power of subjective construal. When asked what they are doing, three stonecutters give different answers.

The first says he is doing tedious, backbreaking work. The second says he is earning a living to support his family. The third says he is building a church.

All three are doing the same physical work, but each understands it differently. The first sees hardship, the second sees a responsibility, and the third sees a lofty purpose. Seeing his work as part of something meaningful may help the third stonecutter endure the physical demands of the job. Same work, different meaning to them, which yields different results.

Wisdom may lie partly in learning to interpret our experiences in ways that are both realistic and constructive. We should distinguish fact from assumptions, remain open to the possibility that our first interpretation may be incomplete, and look for meaning that helps us experience life more positively.

This also connects to the Chinese expression 因势利导 (yīn shì lì dǎo): guiding things in a favorable direction by making use of existing circumstances. Channel factors help us arrange the conditions that make a desired action easier, while subjective construal can help us understand why that action matters.

We cannot always change what has already happened to us, but we can become wiser by reframing our experiences in ways that help us see them more constructively. That may be the beginning of becoming a wiser person.