I had a busy post-holiday day yesterday, shopping, doing chores and meeting one of my Korean students. Yesterday, I heard Wang Lining (王立宁) share the tough time story she had with her daughter, the challenges that eventually led her to become a psychological counselor.
Before this career shift, Wang was a very successful businesswoman. While she excelled in managing her company, she felt like a total loser at home: her marriage fell apart, and her daughter became increasingly rebellious, leaving Wang unsure of how to connect with her family.
She said, "When I realized I had trouble expressing emotions, I began studying parenting and developed an interest in psychology. Seeking 'self-healing,' I chose to study practical psychology out of all the branches available."
At that time, her daughter was 14 and refused to attend school, saying, "Why do I need to study? You’ll support me for the rest of my life."
These words struck a chord with Wang, reminding her of what she often said to her daughter: "I don’t have time for you because I need to earn more money to support you." The unintended message to her daughter was clear—the purpose of her mother’s hard work was to ensure she wouldn’t have to work hard herself. She can always rely on her mother.
Her daughter was labeled a "100-score youth," meaning her combined test scores in Chinese, Math, and English totaled just 100, averaging 33 out of 100 in each subject.
"I'm the laughingstock of my class. Do you think I should still go to school?" her daughter challenged. She insisted she would only return to school if her mother stayed home full-time, just like her grandmother.
In response, Wang outsourced all her company’s work and informed her employees that she would be dedicating herself fully to her daughter. Despite spending two years at home, the situation didn’t improve.
Even though Wang tried to fulfill every one of her daughter’s needs and wishes, the girl remained unhappy. What she truly needed was proof that her mother loved her, as Wang’s frequent absence during her childhood left her daughter doubting her mother's love.
Wang recalled, "As a successful businesswoman and mother, I was tormented by my 14-year-old for two years. In frustration, I asked her, 'How did I give birth to someone like you?' She replied, 'You can shove me back into your belly.' Hearing this, my head spun, and I fainted. I vaguely remember my daughter walking past me without doing anything and returning to her room without a word." She was completely heartbroken.
Wang Lining's story is a long one, and it underscores my belief that children can influence or even change their parents in ways beyond imagination. Her experience is a testament to how life’s unexpected challenges, especially those involving her daughter, can lead to profound personal transformations and even a career change. I'll share the rest of her story tomorrow.