My youngest sister shared a poignant moment with me yesterday. She was feeling low because she couldn't forget the scene when they said goodbye to her son in Shanghai recently. Her son appeared to be a completely different person from the one she remembered in 2011, when he first left for the U.S.
Back then, he was in his early 20s, looking reluctant and homesick 恋恋不舍 as he departed from his hometown, leaving behind his childhood home and the people he grew up with. Seeing her only child leaving for a distant land, my sister was also filled with reluctance. Yet, she was determined because she wanted him to become independent, firmly believing in the saying 好男儿志在四方 (Hǎo nán'ér zhì zài sì fāng), which means "a good man should aspire to big accomplishments far and wide."
Now, her son is indeed independent with his life in the U.S., leaving his aging parents behind and showing no trace of sentimentality. Ironically, my sister, feeling sad, has taken on deep the homesickness and longing the he once felt.
This situation brings to mind many scenes in nature, where animal parents nudge their offspring toward independence. Yet, as humans, we are bound by profound emotional and spiritual connections. Perhaps unlike animals, we deeply cherish the bonds with our loved ones, yearning for their presence even as we encourage their independence.
This is the unresolved paradox that humans face: on one hand, we want our children to be independent so they can support themselves as adults, on the other hand, parents miss the times when their children were close by.
In the end, perhaps the challenge is to find a balance between fostering independence and maintaining familial ties and meaningful relationships with adult children, which requires understanding, patience, love and a large dose of wisdom. After all, hopefully, we are in many ways different from animals.