Wednesday a friend of mine from Kansas contacted me about her son's college application this coming fall.
The boy always got the highest grades in his school. But when I asked her about extracurricular activities, academic competitions, and summer internships, there wasn't much to mention. When I asked her about the kid's interest and passions, she knows none.
It turns out they live in a small town in Missouri, populated mostly by what she described as "red-neck folks." The school counselor is not very involved in students' academic futures, and the peer pressure in such an environment is not academically oriented.
When I asked why they didn't move to the Blue Valley school district, known for its excellent counselors and rich resources, she said she doesn’t want to be a tiger mom. She prefers a laissez-faire approach to parenting, describing herself as a "sheep mom."
I think she conflates two different things: (1) parenting style and (2) providing the best resources for her child. It’s perfectly acceptable to adopt a laissez-faire parenting style, allowing children the freedom to explore and discover their passions. However, it is a disservice to the child if we can provide more opportunities for exploration and discovery but choose not to.
Children born and raised in environments with limited resources are at a disadvantage compared to those with plenty.
This reminds me of another friend who moved to an apartment near Shawnee Mission East High School for her daughter. They previously lived in downtown Kansas City, an area with a high concentration of low-income workers and limited resources. The move, which doubled their rent, was worth it because their daughter thrived in the new environment, eventually attending college and becoming a senior manager at a company in Dallas.
Here’s another one. A study in the U.S found that children in poor families hear about 600 words per hour, while those in professional families hear 2,100 words. This gap accumulates to a difference of 30 million words by the time the children reach age 3, resulting in a huge disparity in cognitive development. Consequently, there later established the “30 Million Words Initiative” to encourage more communication between parents and children. The study underscores the importance of a rich growing up environment.
This situation brings to mind the story of Meng Mu, who moved three times for her son’s education, known as 孟母三迁 (Meng Mu San Qian).
The essence of it all is: it's not about being a tiger mom or a sheep mom; it's about ensuring the children have the best opportunities that we can provide to grow and succeed. By doing so, we can help them achieve their fullest potential without compromising their happiness.