Yesterday I talked to my children about this incident. My youngest sister shared with me something about her son. Tom, the pseudonym for her son, and his parents have a small family social group. During a recent video call, Tom advised his father not to invest recklessly. Later, his father shared a screenshot of an investment in the group. Tom, assuming his father had ignored his advice and invested recklessly again, got so upset that he immediately left the group without hearing his father’s explanation.
In reality, the screenshot was from an old investment his father had made previously. After his mother explained the situation, Tom rejoined the family group and apologized to his father. I think Tom did one thing right here.
At 36, Tom is highly educated, holding two master’s degrees from the U.S., while his father never attended college. His father, however, has a long history of poor investments and significant financial losses. Yet, he’s a smart and stubborn man, unlikely to give up trying his luck in the stock market.
Given this, if I were in Tom’s position, here’s how I’d try to approach the situation:
First, I’d try to understand my father’s perspective. I’d take the time to see why these investments appeal to him and what he hopes to achieve. Maintaining regular communication—through calls or messages—would allow me to support him consistently. Instead of reacting emotionally, I’d focus on understanding his thought process and the rationale behind his decisions.
Second, I’d help him recognize the patterns of his past failed investments. I’d suggest he seek guidance in managing financial risks, perhaps by working with a professional financial advisor who can provide objective advice. I might even help him find a trusted advisor in China to ensure he’s getting sound financial guidance.
Third, I’d establish clear boundaries and expectations. By having an open and honest conversation about the financial impact of his past decisions, I could help him see how these affect our family. Respectfully setting boundaries—like discussing potential investments before making them—would allow me to support him without enabling risky behavior.
Fourth, I’d remain patient and avoid getting emotional. It can be frustrating when someone you care about repeats harmful financial behaviors, but I’d remind myself that change takes time. I’d be willing to invest that time because I care about him. I’d keep communication open and encourage positive financial habits, celebrating small successes when he avoids risky investments or makes prudent decisions.
Yes, the son has many responsibilities with his aging father—call it role reversal—and this is only the beginning.
One last point: Tom’s father believes his son’s political biases regarding China’s market cloud his judgment. He might feel that Tom’s political views prevent him from objectively evaluating the Chinese stock market, potentially causing him to miss out on immense wealth. A Chinese saying, "与泼天的富贵擦肩而过" (Yǔ pō tiān de fùguì cā jiān ér guò), perfectly captures this— "to brush past immense wealth and fortune" or missing out on the wealth just within the grasp.
Perhaps Tom has already tried all of the above. Finally, perhaps Tom already realizes that while political views are deeply subjective, investment decisions should be based on objective analysis. Perhaps the most challenging part is to convince his father that he can separate his political opinions from financial situation and opportunities, and there would not be 与泼天的富贵擦肩而过.