While taking my walk outside Monday morning, I was thinking of my meeting with my Korean student yesterday. She confided in me about the challenges at home, particularly frequent quarrels with another adult. Upon returning, I spent about 30 minutes writing to her, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and goal-setting.
As with everything in life, having well-defined goals is crucial, especially in dealing with interpersonal dynamics. Knowing precisely what you want enables you to focus and channel your energy towards what really matters, so you can filter out and throw out of the window irrelevant things.
In building a family, consider if the following aligns with your expectations:
(1) Creating a nurturing and harmonious environment, especially for the well-being of your young children.
(2) Fostering and helping personal growth and maturity for all adults in the household.
(3) Cultivating an atmosphere of comfort and open communication.
In the midst of disagreements, especially those centered on who's right or wrong, it's essential to focus your goals. When you thus focus, the need to determine right or wrong, winners or losers fades away. The top priority is to achieve the outcomes that align with your goals.
For example, when asked about maintaining a good relationship with in-law children, my response was rooted in my easy-going nature, able to steer clear of any potential conflicts. Another perspective was offered, attributing it to geographical distance, believing that people should not give themselves too much credit by claiming sainthood for themselves.
In such scenarios, clarity about one's goals acts as a lifeline, preventing the descent into senseless and meaningless debates over who is right or wrong and who gets the last word.
Finally, a Chinese saying best fits here: 不要因小失大 (Bù-yào yīn xiǎo shī dà). Don't lose big over trivial.