10/6/2026
Last week, I came across an article on the Chinese internet offering advice on raising a boy. Since it made me think about my grandson, I thought I would write down the ideas and share them with my son.
The author is a mother with seven or eight years of experience raising a son. She offers four practical suggestions. The first three are about how parents interact with a boy; the last one, she jokes, is really about protecting the mother's mental health.
Here are the four ideas.
1. Share the workload—don't let the mother do everything.
The author emphasizes the importance of involving the father in raising a boy. Boys can have enormous amounts of energy, and physical play can be a good way for them to explore that energy. Instead of leaving most of the childcare to the mother, fathers can take an active role through play, sports, outdoor activities, and everyday care.
This benefits everyone. The child gets more time with his father, the father develops his own relationship with his son, and the mother gets some time to rest.
I would take this as a general parenting principle rather than something unique to boys: raising a child should be a shared responsibility.
2. Set clear rules and boundaries early.
Young children need to know what is acceptable and what is not. Rules about routines, manners, safety, and how to treat other people can be introduced from an early age.
The important thing is not simply to have many rules, but to make expectations clear and consistent. Children need to know that actions have consequences and that some boundaries are not negotiable.
The earlier, the easier for rule-setting. Also, what matters more is consistency, patience, and the relationship between the child and the adults setting the rules.
3. Sometimes ask for help instead of turning everything into a confrontation.
The author suggests that when a child refuses to cooperate, a parent does not always have to respond with a command or a power struggle. Sometimes, asking for the child's help can work better.
For example, instead of saying, “Clean up your toys,” a parent might say, “Can you help me put these away?”
This gives the child a sense that he is capable and useful. It can also turn cooperation into something positive rather than another battle of wills.
I think this is about giving children appropriate responsibility and allowing them to experience the satisfaction of being helpful.
4. Practice informed parenting—and take care of yourself.
The last suggestion is really for the parent.
Parenting anxiety often comes from uncertainty. The more parents understand about child development and their own children's personalities, the better they may be able to respond calmly rather than reacting to every difficult moment.
But even good parenting strategies won't make every day easy. Children will have tantrums, test boundaries, refuse to cooperate, and surprise their parents.
That is why parents also need to take care of themselves. A tired, anxious, overwhelmed parent has less patience and energy to give a child.
Perhaps this is the most important lesson of the four: raising a child is a long journey, and the parent is part of the equation, too.
Of course no parenting formula can predict what kind of person a child will become. My grandson will have his own personality, strengths, and challenges. But I hope his parents can give him three things as he grows: clear boundaries, plenty of opportunities to explore, and parents who have enough patience and energy to enjoy the journey with him.
After all, raising a child is not only about shaping the child. It is also about learning how to become better parents along the way.
