Yesterday, I came upon a powerful documentary film, "Say Her Name: The Life and Death of Sandra Bland." This film documents the events surrounding Sandra Bland's death.
On July 10, 2015, Sandra Bland was pulled over by the police for failing to signal a lane change, a minor traffic violation. During the interaction, Bland lit a cigarette. The police officer asked her to put it out. Bland asserted her right, saying, "I'm in my own car, I have the freedom to smoke." The officer responded, "I am now ordering you to get out of the car and put out the cigarette." Bland resisted, "You don't have the right to do that."
The officer, feeling challenged and seemingly energized by a need to assert authority, forcibly dragged Bland out of her car. She was arrested and subjected to brutal treatment and humiliation. Three days later, the young woman was found dead in her jail cell, having committed suicide.
The tragedy of Bland's death is, of course, very sad and a profound loss for her family. Her encounter with a police officer reminds me of one of mine. Once, I was driving on a street with a 25 mph speed limit. A police officer stopped me, saying, “You are driving over 40 mph.” I knew it was useless to argue with him, so I apologized profusely and explained how I was in a hurry to get my daughter to school, worried about being late for work and upsetting my boss, etc.
The kind police officer let me go with a gentle reminder to my daughter, “Young lady, make sure your mom leaves home earlier next time.” Phew, I just avoided another heavy fine! This is not the first time that I salvaged myself from the claws of law enforcement.
There is a Chinese saying, "吃软不吃硬" (chī ruǎn bù chī yìng), which means people respond better to gentle persuasion than to force. It's easier to disarm a fist with a smile than with a stronger fist.
It also reminds me of Aesop's fable, "The North Wind and the Sun." The two compete to see who can remove the clothes from a traveler. The harder the Wind blows, the tighter the traveler clings to his clothes. The Sun, on the other hand, succeeds by radiating warmth.
Both Chinese saying and Aesop's fable teach us that gentleness can often achieve better results than force or direct confrontation.
Sometimes, individuals are powerless and helpless. Therefore, when facing law enforcement officers, some of whom might be biased, perhaps the best self-defense mechanism is following Chinese wisdom and Aesop's Sun.
In reflecting on Sandra Bland's tragic story and my own experience, it's clear that the way we interact with authority figures can even have life-or-death consequence. While Bland’s encounter ended in a heart-wrenching tragedy, my own story shows how humility and understanding can sometimes defuse tension and save your skins.
In a world where we may sometimes feel powerless and out of our control, these stories remind us of the wisdom and strength in choosing empathy and patience. By adopting these approaches, we can hopefully resolve conflicts peacefully.
Finally, whether we draw from cultural wisdom or personal experience, the one take-home message is: the way we choose to respond to adversity and confrontation can make a world of difference.