A few months ago, at the request of a young relative in China, I began teaching English to her 6-year-old daughter. Since she’s family, I didn’t accept any payment, even though she offered.
Before we started, I emphasized to her mother the importance of parental involvement in her learning, especially given the girl's young age. We meet online once a week, but without daily review outside of class, progress would be very limited. I even researched effective methods for teaching English to young children.
To illustrate the importance of consistent practice, I shared examples of American-born Chinese (ABC) kids in the U.S. who attend Chinese school every weekend but speak only English at home. As a result, many struggle to speak Chinese by the time they graduate because they don't practice outside the classroom.
I don’t believe that there’s a shortcut to anything good. A Chinese saying goes, 天下没有免费的午餐 (Tiānxià méiyǒu miǎnfèi de wǔcān), there’s no such thing as free lunch. You have to work hard to earn any progress. I also made this clear to her.
My relative promised to practice with her daughter for at least 10 minutes every day. However, that daily practice rarely happened, with various excuses each time. I couldn’t shake off the feeling that they weren’t taking the commitment seriously, not to speak of any appreciation for my time. That feeling really hurts.
Last week, while visiting my son, I expressed my frustration, feeling that my efforts were wasted because the girl wasn’t learning. He suggested that I speak to the mother and end the lessons, but I wasn’t sure how to approach it politely.
Last Friday, I shared it with other relatives in China. One of them suggested giving the girl a weekly test. If she repeatedly failed, I could use it as a polite reason to step away.
I think this approach makes sense, at least providing a way out of this time-consuming fruitless task if necessary.
I regret not addressing the issue sooner and allowing it to continue longer than necessary. Reflecting on this, I realize that my main mistake was not setting clear expectations from the start. By not communicating my expectations, I inadvertently suggested that I had none and that my time wasn’t valuable.
We can apply it to elsewhere in life. That is, if I want others to take me and my time seriously, I first need to demonstrate that I take myself seriously. This experience has taught me the importance of setting clear expectations to others.