9/6/2026
Today I'm going to take a break from The Way of Huawei Learning by Deng Bin.
Yesterday, during my weekly video chat with my family in Beijing, my youngest sister told me about a conversation she had with her son.
Her son kept encouraging her to find an interest of her own. She mentioned raising fish and taking care of her cat, but he didn't think those counted. He told her that she needed to have a goal.
Then my sister mentioned playing a music instrument. She used to enjoy it, but she hasn't played for decades.
Her son replied, “Mom, your problem can be summed up in one word: lazy.”
My sister admitted that he might be right. And that was the end of the conversation.
But the conversation stayed with me. Three thoughts came to mind.
First, I think it is very kind of her son to care about how she spends her retirement life. Encouraging a parent to develop interests of her own is good advice. Having something we enjoy and look forward to can make retirement more interesting and fulfilling.
“Find your own interest” is actually valuable advice for parents of adult children. When children are young, parents naturally organize much of their lives around them—taking care of their needs, driving them to activities, helping with school, and putting their own interests aside. Many parents postpone things they enjoy for years.
I remember a friend telling me that when her daughter left home for college, she said to her, “Mom, find an interest. You need a life of your own.”
It sounds a little harsh, but there is wisdom in it.
Second, her son may have been right about the underlying problem.
My sister says she likes music. She used to enjoy playing the piano. Now that she is retired and has more time, why hasn't she returned to it?
Perhaps the problem really is a lack of motivation—or simply the habit of putting things off.
But third, calling someone “lazy” doesn't necessarily help.
I think this is the interesting part of the conversation.
Very often, we already know what is good for us. We know we should exercise more, learn something new, reconnect with friends, or pursue an interest we have neglected. The problem isn't necessarily knowing what one should do.
So the real challenge is execution: turning an abstract interest into a regular activity.
Instead of telling someone, “You're lazy,” if we really want to bring about changes, it may be more useful to suggest something concrete:
How about playing the piano for 30 minutes a day?
How about taking a music class or joining a music group?
How about choosing one composer and learning more about his or her music?
How about playing one song you love every Sunday?
These small actions turn “I like music” from an idea into action.
Perhaps this is true of many things in life. Good intentions don't automatically produce good results. Knowing what we want is only the first step. We still need to create a way to make it happen.
And sometimes, instead of telling someone what is wrong with them, it may be more helpful to give them a small, concrete step toward what they want.
Maybe my sister already has an interest and doesn't need to find another one.
Maybe she just needs to start playing the piano again.
