A few days ago, I caught up with a friend of mine in Kansas who had just returned from a trip home to China. It was her first visit in five years, timed perfectly for her father's 80th birthday. Needless to say, her parents were thrilled to see her, and she was equally excited.
She shared with me that her visit reaffirmed what she had read in a Harvard University study: people's happiness largely stems from relationships.
Curious, I looked up the study titled, "What the Longest Study on Human Happiness Found is the Key to a Good Life." It concluded that good relationships lead to health and happiness. This resonated with me and made me think a lot about its implications for parenting.
Many well-meaning parents aspire for their children to lead happy lives. However, they often overlook the importance of teaching their children how to cultivate and maintain good human relationships. While they focus mostly on academics, sports, going to the best colleges, and other skills, the social and emotional competencies crucial for happiness are frequently neglected.
I think this oversight is likely due to a lack of awareness about the critical role that good relationships play in creating happiness.
So, how can parents incorporate the teaching of relationship-building into their parenting? I don't have all the answers, but I would recommend a common-sense approach: lead by example. Children learn best by observing their parents.
Parents can demonstrate how to maintain healthy relationships through their own peaceful interactions and communication within the family, compromise, mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. Open and effective communication to resolve conflicts, instead of resorting to yelling, is also crucial.
By modeling these behaviors, parents can impart the essential social and emotional skills their children need to build fulfilling relationships and, ultimately, lead happy lives.
Of course, the most direct way is to teach good practices to the children. I remember teaching my son when he was in high school, "Don't raise your voice at girls. Respect girls." Or, "When someone yells at you, tell him 有理不在声高 (yǒu lǐ bù zài shēng gāo)," meaning "Reason lie not in him who speaks the loudest."
In conclusion, I believe, if happiness is what we want for our children, the greatest gift we can give them is the ability to develop and nurture mature and meaningful relationships. This will lay a foundation not only for creating happiness but also equipping them with the resilience and empathy needed to meet life's challenges. You never know who you will encounter on your life's journey.
As parents, leading by example is the most powerful tool we have to instill these values in our children, ensuring their journey through life is both happy, healthy and fulfilling.