I had a high school reunion lately in Beijing. Among 8 of us retirees, 3 are childless, one has a grandchild. There were some talks on how today’s young people, for various reasons, prefer not to have children.
The talk reminded me of the previous complaints of one grandparent, that grandchildren are all 白眼狼 (bái yǎn láng), white-eyed wolf, meaning an ingrate. I’d like to share my thoughts here.
First of all, if you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet the demands of caring for your grandchildren, you should feel comfortable expressing your limitations to your adult children.
Otherwise, help within your capacity, contribute without expecting any return. The key is caregiving should be based on your willingness and ability, rather than obligation or expectation of reciprocation.
Second, don't underestimate the profound long term impact that grandparents can have on the grandchildren's lives.
I have a very fond memory of my grandmother. She was illiterate but she was my 避风港 (bì fēng gǎng), harbor or haven. During my childhood, I was not a good pupil at elementary school. My parents were young, inexperienced, and impatient with me. Their discipline was harsh and dreadful to me and I often went to my grandmother whose comfort and understanding meant a lot to me. Her warm present is still impactful now. It’s true grandparents are loose on dispensing discipline, but young children need a break from time to time.
Finally, be positive and think not of 白眼狼.