A few days ago, I heard of this saying in Chinese, 重新养育自己 (chóng xīn yǎng yù zì jǐ), which translates to "reparenting oneself" or "self-reparenting." At first, I thought it was just a trendy concept in China.
A little research told me it's been around since the early 1970s. The concept of reparenting was developed within a psychoanalytic theory called transactional analysis.
The assumption goes this way: our childhood experiences and our upbringings stay with us and influence us unconsciously during adulthood. We are so captivated by this experience that it's like we are living under the spell of the past.
Reparenting ourselves is a self-directed process to break the spell of past parenting. e.g. if your childhood lacked love and support, you reparent yourself now with the love, support, and validation that your parents failed to provide.
Another example, if you grew up always hearing criticism or negative feedback from your parents, your self-talk as an adult tends to echo what you heard from your parents. You might say things like, "It's just like me to make stupid mistakes," or "I'm so stupid." Reparenting yourself involves giving yourself praise and positive feedback instead. This is so much like the way I was raised with too many criticism. In fact I don't remember being on the receiving end of any praise.
Many adults with difficult upbringings find themselves lacking the confidence and positive self-talk needed to thrive. Reparenting oneself helps these adults gain confidence and the skills needed to succeed in life.
I like the idea of reparenting ourselves because we can't choose how we were parented, but we can choose how we reparent ourselves.
Reparenting oneself is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. It allows us to take control of our narratives and reshape the impact of our past on us today.
By recognizing the negative influences of our upbringing and actively working to counteract them, we can break free from old patterns and create a more positive and fulfilling future. More importantly, life is about doing what we can do now, instead of licking and lamenting past wounds.
Finally, use the self-reparenting tool to nurture and support ourselves in the ways we always deserved, ultimately leading to greater self-awareness, emotional well-being and a happy journey ahead.