Yesterday I read an article published at HuffPost site, written by a Chinese girl growing up in Hong Kong.
The article has this title: "My Parents Expect Me To Take Care Of Them And I Don't Know What To Do About It" and it starts with this "Even though this is common in Chinese culture, I have mixed feelings about it."
The author continues along the same mood, "Children are expected to give back to the parents when they reach adulthood by providing monthly allowances to show 'Filial Piety,' a deeply ingrained core value in the Chinese culture which describes respect for one’s parents."
The author's tendency to overgeneralize her particular Hong Kong case makes her lose credibility here. I remember one writer wrote about a Chinese village in 1930s, giving readers the impression that this is what the entire China is about.
The author continues sharing a long litany of her grievances against her parents, highlighting all the ways she felt that her parents had failed her as parents.
I understand that she has every right to complain about the poor parenting that she suffered. She must have a strong emotional and psychological need to pour out her feelings. And writing and sharing it publicly can be a way to find support and validation from others who might have something similar. Also, she might hope to raise awareness about the challenges of growing up with the kind of cultural values that she calls "filial piety."
Perhaps her parents deserve what they get by having their daughter write publicly about how much she suffered at her parents' home.
While I understand her strong urge to let out her grievances and feel sorry for her, I still believe what she has done should be a last resort when dealing with family problems.
Ideally, open and honest communication within the family should come first. I don't think she has considered how her parents felt if they could read what she wrote about them.
As a parent, if my child went on the internet and shared with the world her suffering from my parenting, without first discussing it with me, I would feel a profound sense of failure, guilt, hurt, betrayal, like a nightmare.
It's crucial for families to foster environments where issues can be talked about openly, directly and respectfully between children and the parents, so that the children would not feel the need to go public about how bad their parents are.