10/19/2026
For the past few days, I have been writing about The Wisest One in the Room: How You Can Benefit from Social Psychology’s Most Powerful Insights (2015), by Thomas Gilovich and Lee Ross.
Today, something someone said made me wonder: Why did the authors feel the need to write a book about wisdom? Is it because becoming wise is so difficult? If wisdom were easy to acquire, perhaps there would be little need for a book about it.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that wisdom is not something we can gain easily like learning some math skills. Perhaps that is precisely why wisdom deserves a book of its own.
But there may be another reason wisdom is so difficult to attain: a paradox here, that is, the very intelligence that helps us understand the world can sometimes prevent us from recognizing that we are wrong.
The Chinese expression 自以为是 (zì yǐ wéi shì) captures this tendency among some smart people. It describes someone who assumes that, given their "high intelligence," their own views can't be wrong and they struggle to accept other perspectives.
Ironically, intelligence can sometimes make this tendency even stronger. A smart person may be skilled at constructing convincing arguments, but instead of using that ability to test an existing belief, they may use it to defend the belief against criticism. The better they become at arguing their case, the harder it may be for them to recognize their own mistakes.
I remember a relative telling me that her child once said to her, “Mom, you’re not qualified to talk to me about this if you haven’t read enough about it.”
That sounds a bit arrogant. This is written particularly for the younger generation: Reading and acquiring knowledge are certainly valuable and the young might master new knowledge faster than the older generation, but knowing more about a subject does not means you can dismiss another person's perspective.
A person may have less knowledge about a particular topic and still have valuable life experience or insights to share. And it’s wise to listen to those you consider less knowledgeable than you. Would you dismiss your children’s words because they are not as educated as you are?
There is a Chinese saying that captures this paradox beautifully: 聪明反被聪明误 (cōng míng fǎn bèi cōng míng wù)—one's cleverness can be one's own undoing.
Of course there's a need to write a book about becoming the smartest one in the room. The world has no shortage of smart people. What it lacks is not intelligence, but the wisdom to use it well. That is why a book about becoming the wisest one in the room is worth reading!
