9/15/2026
Yesterday I wrote about “搭子” (dāzi). From sociological perspective, this reveals some competing desires:
The human need for connection — people don't want to be completely alone. They want someone to eat with, exercise with, travel with, talk with, or share an interest with.
The desire for autonomy and freedom — they want freedom from the obligations, expectations, emotional demands, and potential conflicts that come with a long-term relationship, and desire for diversity in their social life.
“Dazi” allows people to have different people for different experiences rather than expecting one friend—or one partner—to meet all their social needs.
No single lightweight relationship has to become boring, demanding, or all-consuming.
At this point I think of the young relative of mine who broke up with his girlfriend last year. Perhaps 12 years together had created a familiarity which can be boring and causing him to seek novelty outside the relationship.
We don’t know whether this preference for lightweight socializing is simply a response to modern life—or reflects a broader change in how people think about relationships.
Whatever the explanation that we may have, I think there is a cost for chasing freedom, variety and novelty. We may be losing something that can only be created through staying with the same person for a long time.
Finally, Dazi may offer freedom from the burdens of traditional relationships, but some of the things we value most in human relationships—trust, intimacy, loyalty, and being truly known—are built precisely through those burdens and will last longer than this modern trend.