Last Sunday meeting with my Korean student was not an easy one. She started apologizing profusely, "I am so guilty for not having done my homework."
My student has been in the U.S. for over 10 years. Her ability to read and write in English is highly proficient. But since she works at a Korean company, goes to a local Korean church, shops at Korean stores, and lives pretty much in a Korean community here, she needs help with listening and speaking. So I told her, homework each day: listen to news video one per day and sharing with me during our meeting.
She told me, I am very busy, with my work and two kids. I have to listen to the news many times to understand it and take notes but I don't have time every day. Wednesday I shared this with my other Korean student. She told me the same thing.
Then and there I realized my mistakes. I’m not her, so I don’t know how much time it will take to complete the assignment. I thought the homework would take at most 10 minutes and I never intended to burden her with a heavy workload each day.
I told her not to worry about homework, it's just something for you to do when you have time. It's essential to balance a focus on the present and an eye on a large timeframe in your life. Like in 10 years your eldest daughter will be in college, think what you do today and what you want her to take with her in college. Don't lose sight of that future when you are overwhelmed with the busy life today.
When Zhuang-zi said, "Look how happy the fish are swimming in the river, his companion said, "子非鱼，安知鱼之乐" (Zi fēi yú, ān zhī yú zhī lè), "You are not fish. How do you know fish is happy?"
These words capture the challenges of empathy. Without being in the same shoes or sharing a similar experience, it is difficult to imagine and understand how others feel. Even under an exact similar situation, people may feel differently. Still, we try.