Why the most healthy attitude toward our past is to forget it

Last Wednesday I met online one of my Korean students, first time this year. The meeting drags me out of my vacation mood, even though I am not back yet. First thing first for the new year: our new year resolution.

Long ago when I was in elementary school in China, around the turn of the year, my father always asked me to do two things: a reflection on the past year and a plan for the next year.

Nowadays I think it's better to focus on what's ahead. Confucius said this about the past: 成事不说，遂事不谏，既往不咎 (Chéngshì-bù-shuō, suì-shì-bù-jiàn, jì-wǎng-bù-jiù) that is, Say nothing about our past accomplishments. Disapprove not on matters that have already been done. Let bygones be bygones.

The idea that we can learn valuable lessons from our past and avoid repeating the same could be an illusion when learning and changing for better come with certain complexities.

The complexity involves the fact that very often our behavior is determined by who we are. We won't learn anything from our past and behave differently unless we change ourselves.

Therefore, Confucius' words on what happen in the past is loaded with considerable wisdom. Don't waste our time on dwelling on the past.

We can't change our past course, can't keep past glories. Let go of the past so we can move on burden-free and focus on becoming the type of individual we aspire to be.

Seeing the smiles on other people's face is enough to motivate more volunteer service

I told my children that I was going to introduce a tiny piece of Chinese proverbs or sayings this year.

Recently I talked with my family about volunteer work. One of them asked, what's the good of volunteering? You can't bring food on the table with this. Who will bring food on the table?

That sounds reasonable. Before offering our free services to others, it is essential that we secure the means for our own existence.

At the same time, I thought of a related Chinese saying, 但行好事，莫问前程 (Dàn xíng hǎo-shì, mò wèn qián-chéng) Go ahead doing good deeds; Ask not what the reward will be. I first heard of it from movie 无问西东 Asking not west or east.

Sometime, after we attend to our well-being and we don't have a clear goals ahead, instead of wasting time, we might as well extend our service free of charge to those who need it. Why not?

I'm not preaching altruism or even kindness here. My understanding of doing good is like this, while volunteering or doing good deeds may appear to be altruistic, it actually benefits both sides. Because dispensing kindness rather than seeking personal reward or gain is in line with our intrinsic value, it makes us happy when our actions harmonize with our value system.

但行好事，莫问前程 Seeing the smiles on other people's face because of you, this is rewarding enough for you.