Yanwen’s blog

I have learned so much from the behavior of my sister's cat in a natural world. 

While my sister was out of town for two weeks, I took care of her cat. Her cat insists on having our attention. Every time I sit down reading, she comes up meowing, purring loudly and persistently, pulling me until I give in. I lock her in my sister's apartment at night, where she plays all the night by herself. After my sister came back, she insisted on having her way: her master plays with her at night and sleeps during the day.

The incident brought up many thoughts. (1) I learned of this long ago, of two persons in the room, if one behaves like a mouse, the other will become the cat. (2) A friend of mine once said, "There will be an abusive teenager if without abusive parents, one way or another."

(3) A Chinese saying 不是东风压倒西风，就是西风压倒东风 (Bù shì dōngfēng yā dǎo xīfēng, jiùshì xīfēng yā dǎo dōngfēng) either east wind overpowers the west or vice versa. The implied meaning is that in any conflict, one side will prevail over the other, and it can go either way in the power dynamics. In my sister's case, if she doesn't discipline her cat, the cat will discipline her.

All this seems to imply an inevitable power struggle and an either-or situation which eventually yields two mutually exclusive results: cat or mouse, win or lose.

In some cases, I don't think there's much love lost, like between the cat and its master, bullied and the bully so common in high schools. 

However ideally, in all human dealings, the goal should still be to achieve mutual benefit or positive outcomes for all parties involved, through cooperations and teamwork, not winning of one side at the expense of others. An ideal because it doesn't seem natural in Nature.

Recently I shared some of my writings with a high school classmate from Tianjin. We first became classmates in 1970 and parted ways in 1973, over half a century ago. We have evolved into entirely different individuals.

Of course, she wants to know why I write. Is it writing for the sake of writing? For what purpose? I think of Arthur Schopenhauer.

Schopenhauer said, "There are, first of all, two kinds of authors: those who write for the subject's sake, and those who write for writing's sake. ... The truth is that when an author begins to write for the sake of covering paper, he is cheating the reader; because he writes under the pretext that he has something to say."

For the sake of covering paper, and then cheating reader? Schopenhauer's words may seem a bit too harsh or too critical. On the other hand, these words can also serve as a reminder of the importance of writing with purpose, integrity and sincerity.

I truly believe that I'm writing for the subject's sake and my subjects include my past and current real life experiences, Chinese Culture and language, books that I read, and plenty of others. I think consistently writing tiny amounts each day can achieve better results than some long-winded tedious speeches.

Though I have great subjects to write about, I still need to remember to write with purpose and sincerity.

I think of this Chinese saying when I am chatting with my relatives in Beijing, 画蛇添足 (Huà shé tiān zú), meaning: adding feet to a snake. It describes a situation where something unnecessary is added to an otherwise perfect piece.

The idiom came from a story in ancient China. In a snake drawing contest, one painter completed his work ahead of others. Seeing other competitors were still engrossed in their drawings, he decided to add two feet to his snake, believing he would still be able to beat others. However, another painter finished before him, asking him, "Have you ever seen a snake with feet?" 

Sometimes, our manner of speaking resembles that of the feet adding artist. We may begin with a perfectly genuine story, but as we talk more and more, we lose control over our mouths and let it play fast and loose. Consequently, the more we elaborate, the less authentic we sound to our listeners.

Even worse, people with the habit of exaggeration lose credibility when they open their mouths. At this moment, another Chinese saying comes up, 添油加醋 (tiān yóu jiā cù), meaning: add oil and vinegar. In other words, adding embellishments or exaggerations to one's story.

Both adding feet to snake and adding extra oil and vinegar are undesirable speaking style. The speaker runs the risk of losing authenticity and credibility. Better watch out.

Yesterday I learned the news about my daughter's graduate school application. She was rejected by the three top ones. This was expected because their acceptance rate stays below 5%. My daughter still shines through them, "On the other hand, rejection means I tried for something difficult to achieve, and I'm happy to have tried."

At the moment, I thought of the book that I read recently, The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson, 2021. The book covers from May 1940 to May 1941, London's darkest year during World War II. 

On Winston Churchill's first day as British PM, Hitler invaded Holland and Belgium, and the Dunkirk evacuation was two weeks away. Hitler's speed was so swift that half of west Europe was conquered within 6 weeks of Churchill's rule. Within one year, Hitler's bombing killed 45,000 Britons.

Churchill's leadership played a crucial role inspiring and uniting people during one of the darkest moments in their history. He famously said,

--I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.

--We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

--Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense.

The Britons were fighting with intense ferocity, not knowing at all if they could resist the Germans. In the end, a turning point in World War II came, the Battle of Britain which marked the first major Hitler's defeat and showed Britain could resist German aggression! The battle boosted British morale and strengthened their will to continue the fight against Nazi Germany.

The saga of Churchill is very much relevant today for individuals. Life is full of obstacles and challenges. Perseverance and resilience are keys in overcoming obstacles. It is not because there is hope that we persevere but because only by perseverance do we have hope.

Here's the Chinese saying for today: 江东子弟多才俊, 卷土重来未可知 (Jiāng dōng zǐdì duō cáijù, juǎn tǔ chóng lái wèi kě zhī), meaning: people from the east of the river are talented, you never know when they will come back winning.

Happy birthday, my most beloved daughter! Wish you a day of joy and laughter that you have so brought to our lives. 

So many stories come up while I'm writing. So many times you shatter the status quo and start a new journey once again, like after the first year of college, like quitting your last job where you were so valued. While I find your courage to take risk and embrace changes inspiring, I also see my younger self in you.

When you were a little girl, every time I praised you, you were super cool, telling me, "I know it is parent's job to praise her child." Other kids are hungry for external validation but you were so independent from a young age!

In second grade, your reading level was tested and found to have reached 12 grade level, so your teacher told me. Every time you needed some fun time, I sent you to a bookstore and you immediately lost yourself there. You must have known a lot more than you could understand at that time.

Also in your elementary years, I tried to make you understand that “To err is human,” you told me, “Yes, especially you.” Even today, it serves as a reminder to me every time I try to appear having the monopoly of truth and virtue.

Together with your brother, you have made my life so much joyful, richer and meaningful! Thank you both for the opportunity to grow and become a better person.

Happy birthday, my dearest daughter, with an ocean of love!