Yanwen’s blog

February 24, 2024 marks the second year of the Ukraine-Russian war. In June 2022, I met my first student from Ukraine. She came here with her two sons, leaving behind her husband. Her husband was not allowed to leave the country.

On 6/29/2022, during our first meeting, I asked her "What is your American dream? My job is to help you get closer to your dream." 

I asked the same question to all ESL students on our first meeting, assuming that, like me, they all came to the country with a big American dream.

"My dream," she said without hesitation, "is to reunite with my husband." This is not what I expected. I wasn't prepared, so I was at a loss for words.

She told me that she was worried about her country. Now many people possess guns, which was not allowed before the war. What would the country be like after the war, with so many guns scattered among people? She thinks her country would never be the same.

On the second anniversary of the war, I still can't forget her words and the cruelty of war. A Chinese saying best expresses the desire for peace on the part of ordinary people, 宁为太平犬，莫作乱离人 (nìng wéi tàipíng quǎn, mò zuò luàn lí rén), meaning: "It's better to be a dog in times of peace than a human in times of war." The saying juxtaposes between dogs in peace time and humans in war time.

Exactly so. Last week my son took his cat to the vet for his annual physical checkup. Problem: overweight. While people in war time suffer from starvation, this peace time cat has too much to eat!

May peace be with us everywhere on earth!

Yesterday I watched Elon Musk being asked by CNBC's David Faber: How to advise children when we face the challenges coming from AI:  "人工智能" (pronounced rén gōng zhì néng) Artificial Intelligence. What are you going to tell them about value?

Musk sank deep into contemplation, and then said it was a "tough question to answer." But he will tell them "to follow their hearts in terms of what they find interesting to do or fulfilling to do and try to be as useful as possible to society."

"If we do get to a sort of like magic genie situation where you could ask the AI for anything, and let’s say it’s even the benign scenario, how do we actually find fulfillment? How do we find meaning in life if the AI could do your job better than you can?" Musk said.

Musk finds it “demotivating." "I put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into building the companies," "I’m like, should I be doing this because if I am sacrificing time with friends and family… but then ultimately the AI could do all these things, does that make sense?"

"To some extent, I have to have a suspension of disbelief in order to be motivated. So, I guess I would say, just work on things that you find interesting, fulfilling and that contributes some good to the rest of the society." This he said twice! Not that he runs out of words but he finds it crucial.

I'm going to get a bone density scan this Friday. Since I've never had it before, the doctor suggested it for me. It is an exam that helps calculate the risk for osteoporosis and fracture.

Talk about fracture, I think of a friend of ours. Their daughter, while in college, suffered a leg injury resulting in her leg bone being shattered into several smaller fragments. I think of a young relative of mine. His leg bones are super strong because his dad made him exercise and play football when he was a teenager. 

Exercise and having strong bones in childhood and teenage years lay a solid foundation for bone health throughout our life. Because we build almost all our bone density prior to age 20. In our older adult years, we mostly consume what we accumulate and our bones get weaker over time.

Many teenagers are preoccupied with appearance, especially girls. The look of exquisiteness, delicacy, elegance, dainty and skinny, is high on their agenda. Not being healthy in later life. Their parents' advice on enhancing bone health is often not well-received. By the time they understand the wisdom of the advice, it's too late.

The Chinese saying "不听老人言，吃亏在眼前" (Bù tīng lǎo rén yán, chī kuī zài yǎn qián)-- "When you disregard the advice of the elderly, you will suffer immediate losses." On the other hand, this saying emphasizes that it is a challenging task to make the inexperienced teenagers to see the wisdom of the more experienced elders, to heed the guidance of those with more experience in life, and avoid unnecessary mistakes and setbacks.

I stayed late yesterday, thinking about comments some people made about my writings and some of my activities, which some called them as nothing above chicken soup for the soul. I’m not out for self-defense. Nothing external can change my course.

My thought turns to the question: why there are so many chicken soup for the soul books on the market. In fact it's so popular that many Chinese are familiar with 心灵鸡汤 (Xīn líng jī tāng) which means exactly: chicken soup for the soul! You can laugh your head off on that😂.

There must be a huge market for this type of books. Then why do people turn to chicken soup books in the first place? I don’t have any definitive answers. Here are my thought on it.

First of all, briefly chicken soups for the soul are basically inspirational words and stories, meant to motivate souls and lift up spirits, having the same comforting and nourishing effect as chicken soup for the body. Simple recipe and straight-forward approach.

Secondly, why need them? You might consider the same question: why there are programs aimed at helping people get rid of drug or alcohol addictions. They are based on the same premise, that is, humans are not as strong as they claim to be. They lack of self-control and need outside help to either free from the undesirable addictions or live up to their own great expectations. 

Chicken soups for the soul serve as a reminder from outside, reminding them of a better version of them out there and a bright future to work for. Put things in perspective, disentangle from daily messes and keep up the forward steam.

When my students call me personal mental trainer or her cheerleader, I think I'm giving them the right soups for the soul.

We read plenty about parents criticizing or imposing their wills on their children all in the name of "for your own good." 

You might also hear of something similar among adults, that someone habitually giving negative comments to you, also in the name of "for your own benefit" or "Truth be told."

To give due benefit of doubts, very often people don't realize the long lasting damaging effects of their negativity on their targets. A test was done on it. Such experience could shoot up one’s heartbeat by at least 20 points.

It might sound like exaggerating to say that those who are in the habit of giving negative comments are killing people, though all points to that end. It's essential to realize that things can become serious beyond salvage when negativity builds up internally.

If you are on the receiving end of negativity, perhaps you can try sharing my suggestions here. That is, tell people to change their focus from finding faults in you to helping you get better results, if they truly care. Or ask them for constructive suggestions and advice when they are on the verge of giving negative feedbacks. 

It may not sound polite but sometimes you can try telling people to Shut up and mind their business.

Here's a Chinese saying for this situation: "恶语伤人六月寒" meaning: "Harsh words hurt like a chilling cold in June." That is, hurtful or even malicious words feel like an icy cold stabbing you in June. Never underestimate the power of negative words on people emotionally and psychologically, even in small doses, they can be potent beyond your limited imagination.