Yanwen’s blog

Wednesday my Korean student shared with me this story. Her daughter goes to an academy school each day after school. When she is back home doing her homework, the mother learns with her daughter. Sometimes she pretended that she doesn’t know the word, asking her daughter to explain it to her, giving her a chance of being a teacher to her mother.

It gives her a sense of satisfaction to be a teacher. When her daughter becomes assertive, insisting "Say it three times," she simply plays along with it. The young girl takes great joy and pride in playing the role of a teacher, and she approaches the task with genuine dedication. Also, she learns better when teaching her mother.

What a great teamwork! What a great way to spend time and grow together! What a smart method of teaching responsibility, of developing maturity, of boosting leadership role in a young child!

The collaborative learning dynamic between the mother and the daughter reminds me of a Chinese saying, 师父领进门，修行在个人。(Shīfù lǐng jìnmén, xiūxíng zài gèrén.) The literal meaning is: The teacher guides you to the entrance of the knowledge, but real learning is ultimately up to the individual. 

While highlighting the teacher's role in providing direction and guidance, the saying emphasizes the student's commitment and personal effort as being crucial for real personal growth. This partially explains why students sitting in the same classroom under the same teacher yield vastly different results.

A relative of mine has a rather dominant personality. She likes to take charge and is your typical authoritative figure. Of course, she must win every battle when she fights. But with her son, she is a different person. She once said, in arguing with my son, I lose if I win, I win if I lose.

Another friend of mine shared with me her lost fight with her high school son on his game addiction. When she cut the internet connection at home, he used his cellphone. When she threatened to take away his phone, he said he would go to his friend's house and would never come back. My friend said, I don't want him to run away from home, so let him be. Better having a son at home than a runaway one.

I think, as a parent, both my relative and my friend can put things in a large time frame and are wise in their respective attitude. In both cases, the boys now turn out wonderfully. For parents, in a broad perspective, sometimes being flexible and ready to compromise, not insisting on having our own way can yield better overall results.

A Chinese saying goes, 退一步海阔天空 (Tuì yī bù, hǎi kuò tiān kōng), which means literally "Taking a step back, you will find the boundless sea and the endless sky." It tells people that by stepping back, yielding to your opponent or your children, you can create a win-win situation and open to endless opportunities, greater possibilities, and a much brighter future for all.

Recently my family in Beijing, who indulge in talking about politics everywhere, keep asking me about the current situation in Texas, specifically the standoff between the state of Texas and the federal government at the southern border.

I don't know how it will end. But the mention of Texas brought me back to 1984, 40 years ago, when I first arrived in the U.S. At that time, foreigners in Texas were as rare as Pandas in American zoos. Each foreign student was assigned a host family. My host family was Mrs. Robinson, a super nice Christian lady who took me to church every Sunday. After church, she took me to a restaurant, something to look forward to for a poor student.

Once she took me to her house, brought out some fruits, like apples and oranges, and asked me if I knew how to eat them. Bless her heart, she showed me how to peel the orange and eat it. I was tempted to tell her that I came from Beijing, a much bigger capital city than Waco, TX. But I didn't. I just played along with her. Next time I went to church with her, I kept thinking of words like parochial or provincial. 

I don't know why I can't forget this incident. Perhaps it fits perfectly this Chinese phrase 井底之蛙 (jǐng dǐ zhī wā), the literal translation is "frog at the bottom of a well" who, as the story goes, is able to see only a tiny bit of the sky above and believes that the small patch of sky is the entire universe.

It is often used metaphorically to describe someone who has a very limited vision or perspective, having no idea of the larger world outside or unaware of different possibilities.

With the wave of globalization and the seismic human migrations like the one at our southern border, we now have less and less 井底之蛙.

Sunday evening I met my Korean student online. She told me about her job interview, that she needed to change her job so that she could spend more time with her children.

I shared with her what I talked about yesterday about the benefits of sports in child development. More importantly, I told her, there is a limited age window for what parents can do to enhance their sports participation. We need to get them involved in some sports, having some fun and friends before they can say No to you. She said, Oh no, my children already say No to me now.

This reminds me of one parent's question during last Friday's activity. She asked, what can I do to encourage my teenage son to participate in sports? He spends excessive time on gaming and refuses to try any sports I suggest?

Sadly to say, at this rebellious age, that parent is fighting an uphill battle trying to make her son give up gaming addiction and pick up a new sport. At this point, no one could give her any feasible advice. Too late.

A Chinese saying goes: 一年之计在于春, (Yī nián zhī jì zài yú chūn). The literal meaning is "The plan of a year is in spring." This saying emphasizes the importance of starting early, right at the beginning of the year. You can also think of spring as a time of renewal and new beginnings.

Last Friday we invited a professor in sport and education psychology to give us a talk on the importance of sports in child development. I myself learned a lot from her.

She first tried to answer the question that many Chinese parents had: what's the use of sports. Can it help my kid getting into a top school? Since more time spent on sports means less time on study, they want to make sure their time is well-spent. The question itself is so Chinese and so short-sighted.

There should be no doubt that sports can help children develop into a mentally and psychological wholesome person, not just a bookworm or nerdy. Parents should have their eyes on a large time frame, that is, in the long run, there are many things that are more important than study, like having a strong body, wholesome personality, a strong character, being resilient, not fragile, having friends, etc. Kids can get all these through sports.

The delightful news for many Chinese parents is sports help children learn better by enhancing their memory, improving concentrations, cultivating their planning and decision-making abilities, and strengthening synaptic connections.

Yesterday, when I talked to a friend of mine about getting some accomplishments in life, she reminds me that accomplishments are important. Equally important is the physical and psychological health. So well-said! 

There is a Chinese saying: 生命在于运动 (Shēngmìng zàiyú yùndòng), To live, one must exercise. The saying emphasizes the importance of physical activity and exercise for maintaining a vibrant life. For people of all ages, an active lifestyle is crucial for maintaining our vitality.