Yanwen’s blog

When I told my relative about the topics that I write about every day, including parenting and career development, one of them said, your circle of friends are all about your age. They don’t have young children, and need no career ladder to climb. I don’t think they are interested in topics like this. All they care now is healthcare. 

This is not the first time that I hear people questioning the relevance of my writings to people's life. This is absolutely true. In fact, I don’t need to learn anything at all. Here's my thought: 

First, I think, regardless of its immediate relevance to our lives, it’s healthy to keep our curiosities and and minds open to diverse topics, a wide range of perspectives and ideas that can lead to personal growth and a richer understanding of the world.

Second, sharing ideas and insights with friends and relatives can foster meaningful connections and hopefully spark engaging and quality conversations. Even if the topics may not directly apply to our lives at the moment, we can still find value in learning something new.

The world would be markedly different without the curiosity and collaborative sharing among individuals who values lifelong learning, contributing to its unique cultural fabric.

By the way, today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday to my most hard-working and caring sister! 

I heard this story from my sister. A man worked hard on his own and became very successful. He told his sister that she should work on her own first instead of relying on him. So the sister worked at the bottom job for a decade without getting anywhere. Now the man regrets not having provided his sister with a higher starting point in her career. He realizes that she could have progressed faster if given a high platform to start with. Life is too short to let her struggle at the bottom for so long.

The story emphasizes the importance of having opportunities and the support and assistance of others, ideally close relatives, for us to rise up faster in career. By encouraging his sister to start from scratch and leaving her there for a decade, the man inadvertently let her waste a decade, letting go of the potential for faster advancement that could have come with a higher starting point.

If you don't have a successful sibling or relatives to provide you with a higher platform to start your career, it's crucial to be proactive: seek out mentors in your field, start networking as early as possible, be resourceful and keep looking for opportunities for growth and advancement.

While having help from others can be a huge boost, your own efforts and determination play a crucial role in your own success.

Finally, I'm leaving Beijing for New York at 2:40 am on April 29. I took the time to bid farewell to friends and relatives and promised to meet in Beijing next year.

A few days ago my sister bought a smart home camera (智能家居摄像机, zhì néng jiā jū shè xiàng jī) so that she can watch her pet while she is away from home. I was thinking of doing the same for my mother but didn't know how it worked. 

After learning to install my sister's camera, I have learned the whole thing. Today I went to a local store to get one for my mother. 

My sister has spent handsomely on her pet, cat playground, cat monitor and surveillance camera. I told my sister, many people consider their pets to be members of their family. As a matter of fact, we are their owners and masters. She looked puzzled. 

Yes, you are the master and owner of your cat, in that, you make all decisions for your pet. From the very beginning you deprived her of the freedom to run outside and have some cat fun. Remember how much she wanted to run outside before and how you domesticated her at home against her will. You made the decision to neutralize her. Ultimately you keep her for your entertainment and not hers.

Of course, as her owner, you are responsible for providing all her needs, food, shelter, toys, healthcare, but you also deprive her of the companionship of her own kind, which she so desires. You have the absolute authority over her.

We keep pets mostly because they fulfill our needs, either emotional or psychological or financial needs. One of my relatives breeds exotic cats and makes money by selling them.

The nature of the owner-pet relationship is complex. They become dependent on us after being domesticated. Ideally, the owner could appreciate the personalities and preferences of their pets, even though they don't enjoy the same level of autonomy as their owners.

Today I went to a sing-along place with two college classmates. After I got back, my sister asked me, was it boring for you to go there? You can't sing because you are off-pitch. So many times in the past that someone close to me told me that I was born incapable of singing. Someone told me it's a torture to hear me sing. That was the time I tried my hand at a music instrument or learn to whistle. 

Singing benefits us emotionally, physically and mentally.

First, when you feel stressed, singing has been shown to reduce levels of stress hormones like cortisol and increase the production of endorphins.

Second, when you feel sad and down, singing cheers you up by releasing dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, leading to an uplifted mood.

Third, singing can boost your immune system. Singing has been linked to increased levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps protect against infections.

Fourth, singing can boost up your courage and self-confidence when you overcome self-consciousness and performing in front of others.

Fifth, singing can help senior folks maintain cognitive function and reduce the risk of cognitive decline with age.

Sixth, singing is an emotional expression, allowing you to express yourself emotionally and creatively.

Seventh, most importantly, singing is fun and enjoyment, a pleasure to have.

Singing is a holistic activity that nourishes the mind, body, and soul. When a child is told to stop singing because of lack of talent, she is deprived of all the benefits plus the fun and enjoyment and the pleasure that should be part of her life.

Finally, surrounding yourself with encouraging and positive words and influences can make a world of difference in nurturing your confidence and allowing your inner music to flow and flourish.

About a college classmate of mine, I know she has a rather dominant personality, still I never expect to hear such a drama about her from my friend.

Here's the story. Once her elder son came home for Christmas with his wife. On the Christmas Eve, under the watching eyes and anxious expectation of all, the elder son opened the gift boxes -- one, two, three, four, all went to his wife. Unable to hold her disappointment anymore, the mother, without waiting till the end of the unwrapping, threw into a long towering rage, denouncing her son 娶了媳妇忘了娘 (qǔ le xífù wàng le niáng), meaning "After marrying a wife, the man forgets his mother."

The young couple lived in New York, an hour away from his parents. After that event they moved to the west coast. According to my friend, the young couple wants to live as far from his parents as possible, which seems like a huge rift between the parents and their elder son. 

I can understand the disappointment of the mother, though a bit dramatic, out of her high expectations regarding familial relationships and feeling being sidelined by her son.

Still, I think the mother is solely responsible for this rift. If the mother cares so much about this, she should clearly communicate her feeling and expectations, e.g. "Son, can I have my gift first?" I clearly tell my children, "I have everything. Don't buy anything for me."

Secondly, the young man already has his family. He has all the rights to take care of his own family first. He can even choose not to be with his parents' family during Christmas holidays. Be grateful for his visit.

Thirdly, the story underscores the complexities inherent in familial dynamics, as well as the crucial role of communication, understanding, and empathy across generations and cultures.

Finally, the young couple's decision to move far away from the parents not only is a drastic reaction to the dominant parent but also demonstrates a strong desire for independence and autonomy. Great for them! Perhaps the geographical distance helps resolve any conflicts between them.