Yanwen’s blog

去伪存真 (qù wěi cún zhēn), remove the falsehood and keep the truth. The first time I heard of this was long ago from my father. I don't think I understood it at that time. Not until much later after I heard it again from my mother did I gain a better understanding of its meaning.

The year 1967 saw the birth of a small secret group of Red Guards in Beijing, which was said to distribute leaflets against Premier Zhou Enlai. This group was later labeled 5.16 Anti-revolutionary Conspiracy Clique. 

In 1970 the central government issued an official order to capture and eradicate all the 5.16 anti-revolutionaries. It was an era when people were overzealous in answering the call from the above against the anti-revolutionary. There was an over surplus of self-righteous revolutionary fervor burning around, witnessing the young and the stupid of the highest level.

As the result, throughout the country, thousands of thousands of people were thus labeled, arrested, loss of freedom, undergoing persecution, interrogations in isolation, supervised labor and public humiliation. Plenty of them didn't survive the process.

My father worked in Tianjin Mayoral government at that time. Thousands of people were rounded up for interrogation in Tianjin. From the beginning, my father insisted on seeking truth when going through each person. In the end, all were quickly sent home because of my father.

Today I think of my father's words every time I see someone appears to be 装逼 (zhuāng bī), meaning: pretending. The two words are not coherently connected. It doesn't matter as long as I make the connection in my head.

My sisters and I often talked about how we were raised. Our parents knew almost nothing about parenting. They raised us according to their own belief and century-old traditions, simple and straightforward, honest hard work. And mostly following this belief, 万般皆下品，唯有读书高 (wàn bān jiē xià pǐn, wéi yǒu dú shū gāo), nothing is as lofty as study.

My youngest sister is a natural dancer. She doesn't need a teacher. She moves every part of her body gracefully, effortlessly and beautifully with the music, even today. When she was a little girl, she danced everywhere and our neighbors all admired her performance. Someone told my father, send her to a performance art school. There was a privileged institution called Eastern Dance and Singing Group under Tianjin mayoral administration. My father could send her there but he said no.

In old China, people in entertainment industry held low social esteem. I think back in my father's mind, he believed that entertainment was not a reliable profession, or not for decent people.

People of our parents' generation believe that with decades of life experience they know better than their children. With that, naturally they should make decisions for the children.

Since we all turned out great, they must have done something right, even though my sister spent her whole life working at a state-owned bank, an iron-bowl that she never enjoyed. On the other hand, it's not even a relevant concern whether or not you enjoy your job.

My father joined the army when he was a teenager. He pretty much grew up in the army. His book collection consisted mainly of books by Marx, Engels, Lenin and Mao Zedong.

At the beginning of the Cultural Revolution (1966-76) there was plenty of chaos everywhere in China. In 1967, the central government decided to take over the control of local governments by the army. The policy was called 三支两军 (sān zhī liǎng jūn): army supporting the leftest masses, the industry, and agriculture, and army taking the control of local government. That's how my father started working at Tianjin mayoral government, approximately in 1968.

I noticed that our bookshelf started swelling up with many other books since then, history and other classic books like Shi-Ji, Chun-qiu-zhan-guo and plenty of other interesting books.

During the Cultural Revolution, the Red Guards confiscated from many innocent families untold pieces of cultural artifacts and books that were considered feudalistic or bourgeoisie or anti-revolutionary in content. 

Perhaps the Red Guards threw their loots into the local government. Perhaps my father got some of his books from his office. 

There must be plenty of other interesting artifacts and treasures but he only brought home some books. Imagine that.

We grew up in a big courtyard inhabited by army families in Tianjin. We called it Army Courtyard. 

In 1969, in the height of campaign of 知识青年上山下乡 (Zhīshì qīngnián Shàngshān xià xiāng) educated youth going to the mountains and to the countryside, there was a huge interest among children of my age to join the army. The Army Courtyard was almost empty after this.

I don't know why, especially during the Sino-Soviet border crisis. Perhaps it was a better alternative to the countryside. I only remember it was super cool to wear green army uniforms. So I couldn't wait to join the army.

During the early stage of Cultural Revolution (1966-76), there was not much learning going on in school. People were busy with making "revolution." It was widely believed at that time that it was useless to study. Intellectuals were considered 臭老九 (chòu lǎo jiǔ), a derogatory label reserved for them.

But my father was against me going to the army. He firmly believed that, this revolutionary madness would not go on forever. No matter who came to power, no matter which dynasty we would be under, the country still needed production and developing economy, for that the country would need people with skills and expertise.

So the next year, in 1970, he sent me to Tianjin Foreign Languages School to learn English, believing that learning something was better than nothing, much better than going to the countryside.

I met up with a high school friend at a Starbucks yesterday. He encouraged me to write something like a family history over three generations from my parents to mine and the next.

"Why do you waste time writing something so rudimentary now?" Like what I’m writing now. It's so easy to come up with some self-defense, which I did.

The conversation brought back the memory of my father. He enjoyed reading memoirs of famous people and politicians, like Richard Nixon's Six Crises, and biography of General de Gaulle. I know he had some dramatic experiences during the Cultural Revolution. So I once asked him about writing a memoir. He did have this plan. But he was taken away from us too soon. Also he knew perfectly well what could be published in China.

If I am totally objective and lie-free, especially about Cultural Revolution, I can't avoid exposing something negative about Chinese culture and the current system. I'm not ready for that yet.

Most importantly, it won't be an easy journey back when I try to trace back the past five decades. That journey could be dark and depressing and spirit-draining.

Perhaps, the exciting way is to always have something to look forward in the future, as the Chinese saying goes, 展望未来 (zhǎn wàng wèi lái), which literally means: look forward to a bright future!