Yanwen’s blog

I received several comments on my post yesterday about teaching English to a 6-year-old. Most of what I learned actually reinforces my previous belief that getting parents heavily involved is crucial.

My observations from some of my friends' children strongly support this. Those children graduated from a local Chinese school after dedicating one whole Sunday afternoon to the school for many years, but still cannot carry on a daily conversation in Chinese. In the end, their Chinese-speaking parents struggle to communicate with them in English.

On the other hand, my children did not go to Chinese school, yet they can speak like natives, not an easy trick for ABCs, mainly because we carried out daily conversations at home in Chinese.

By the way, if you do a survey on parental involvement in children's education, I bet the neighborhood that registers the lowest involvement see the highest high school dropout rate.

When consulting professionals here on this topic, the emphasis is always on teaching techniques. I’m sure those teaching in Chinese schools are well-versed in these methods, but without adequate and sincere parental involvement, the expected outcomes are often not achieved.

Parental involvement includes the followings:

• Keeping children motivated: Encouraging children consistently to maintain their interest in learning.
• Supervising homework: Making sure that the kids complete their assignments, especially if they are not yet well-disciplined.
• Providing positive feedback: Reinforcing children's efforts and achievements. Key to boost their confidence.
• Also very important is: parents need to learn how to have constructive conversations with their children. 
• Lead by example. Children are unlikely to focus on their studies if they see their parents constantly distracted by their cell phones.

Finally, while teaching techniques and methods are helpful, they are far from enough on their own. The active and genuine involvement of parents in their child's education is the only key that makes everything work. Ultimately, the effective teamwork between teachers and parents, school and family, is what makes children thrive in their learning journey.

I was asked by a young relative of mine in China to teach her 6-year-old English, online once a week. This makes me think of many ABCs (America-born Chinese) here in America. 

The ABCs are sent by their parents to a Chinese school to learn Chinese, also once a week. Unfortunately many graduating from Chinese schools can't even speak Chinese like native Chinese.

I want to ensure my relative's daughter doesn't face the same challenges. Things are made more difficult with online teaching. I have to crack my brain to see the real learning taking place.

In the past I have worked with high school kids and in recent years with adult students, having zero experience with a 6-year-old.

I need all the help that I can get from the girl's parents, making sure the girl reviews what she learns from me.

I am going to use the same method as with older students, setting achievable goals first. Of course, I will need to explain to her what a goal is. I told her parents to prepare some visual aid like a goal board to track her goal, like adding a star for the day she does her homework.

The young child needs constant positive feedback to stay motivated and fully engaged, so by the end of the week the parents should reward her with something for her progress toward the goal.

Since they are the first time parent, there's so much to share with them, because parental involvement in the child's learning journey is crucial. I need to teach the parents how to have engaging dialogues with the girl to encourage self reflection, like asking her "How did you do?" "What did you do well?" "If not well, what can you do differently next week?"

While challenging as it seems, I am trying to make her learning journey both enjoyable and effective, using the same tools as with adult students —setting achievable goals, providing constant positive feedback, and fostering meaningful dialogue between the child and her parents, confident that this supportive learning environment is key to growth and development for all of us, young and old alike.

Here’s a Chinese saying: 十年树木，百年树人: it takes ten years to grow a tree, but a hundred years to educate a person. Be patient.

"Tell city leaders: No cuts to libraries. Next Tuesday, May 21, library leaders will testify at City Hall regarding the proposed $58.3 million budget cuts to NYC's public libraries." from New York Public library.

"You may already be aware that BPL (Brooklyn Public Library) was forced to reduce our service hours from seven to six days a week, as well as drastically trim our new book purchases due to a painful midyear city budget cut. Libraries across the city are currently facing millions more in potential cuts."

I was going to write about my plan to teach online English and something else to a group of Chinese kids, but I changed my mind when I saw these emails.

American society provides an excellent public library system. Wherever we moved in America, we always got in touch with the local library. It is like a small community service, which always reminds me of the one provided by churches in the Middle Ages.

While libraries today are built and maintained by the government to provide knowledge, churches are by their communities of believers to offer spiritual comfort and other communal support. Both contribute to the fabric of society. But churches play a much weaker role in contemporary society.

Modern societies like the U.S. prioritize individualism over collective well-being, with everyone taking care of himself, resulting in a full spectrum of social crisis, such as loneliness, trust issue, drug addictions, meaninglessness, depression and tribalism.

For a wholesome modern society, I see churches being as essential as libraries, especially in the advanced capitalist society. Both play crucial roles in fostering community and addressing societal challenges.

A healthy and compassionate society needs both knowledge and collective well-being, which no government and no individuals can solely provide. It takes a whole village in a traditional sense.

A few days ago we saw the launching of GPT-4o, which starts the chat-box of the whole world. I heard that it is a huge step moving closer to be human-like now. It also tries to sound friend-like.

Yesterday I heard this question: can AI replace the complex dynamics of human psychology and counseling?

I remember a case of social worker at work. There was this guy who was super religious. He refused to take medicines because medicines are man-made, not created by God. The counselor told him, you are wrong. It is God who told Man to create this medicine for his children.

"How do you know it is God who told Man to create it?" "Remember God has plan for everything? This is part of his plan. It is not human plan. He orders the creation of medicine." In the end, the guy agreed to take the medicine.

While AI can excel on this type of job using logic and language, it falls short in understanding the depths of human emotion and experience. We humans are fully packed with complex emotions and the ever-flowing dark undercurrent of past experiences, which defy any simple categorization or quantification.

For example, a man was often neglected during his childhood. The experience impacts his adult life so that he becomes oversensitive when he feels ignored or neglected. Even he himself doesn't understand why. How would an AI find out what's wrong with the guy in the first place?

The complexity and nuances of human emotions, of how one feels is far beyond the reach of logic and language. Simply put it, AI can think like us but can't feel like us. It is created with language and logic but not with human understanding, empathy and intuition.

As we contemplate the role of AI in our lives, we might also consider its broader societal implications. How do we interact with AI systems, and how do they shape our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us? Does AI judge me as other humans do? These are questions that extend beyond the realm of technology, offering fertile ground for exploration by psychologists, sociologists, and ethicists alike.

In the end, while AI may be of some help in certain aspects of psychological counseling, it is our shared humanity—our capacity for empathy, feeling, understanding, belonging and connection—that remains at the heart of healing, growth and counseling.

We had lunch with a young couple from China. They are a burgeoning family of four. They face the challenge of the first generation of an immigrant family: finding jobs while raising two young children. To find a professional job, they might need to learn new skills, like going back to school if needed.

The young couple brought me back to the time when we were around their age and our children were small. Life was also full of challenges but we were young, surrounded with the precious children, and felt immensely hopeful and fulfilled.

I told the young couple that right now their main asset is TIME. Make full use of their time to acquire solid skills with needed certifications, build network wherever they can, open to all possibilities and opportunities, even unconventional ones like freelance and entrepreneurship.

While providing a loving and nourishing environment for their children, they need to maintain their physical and mental health amidst all the life stress. This is something we tend to neglect.

In navigating the complexities of job hunting and family life, it's essential for this burgeoning family to cherish every moment spent with their children. Don't forget to read with them, sing and dance with them.

Time passes very fast, and amidst the hustle and bustle of daily challenges, it's easy to overlook the joy and wonder that children bring to our lives. By embracing each precious moment together, we not only create lasting memories for us all but also cultivate a sense of gratitude and fulfillment that sustains us through life's challenges.