Yanwen’s blog

This weekend my sister's son stayed with his parents. His girlfriend traveled out of town with her parents. Sunday morning he drove us to see his newly remodeled apartment. It looks new, modern and spacious.

While I was with the young man, I inquired about his work and wedding plan. He said, our parents give us money for a formal wedding ceremony, but we don’t want to give it to some wedding preparation agent or on entertaining friends and relatives. The cost can run up to 20 to 40 thousand yuan. We’d rather spend it on ourselves, like doing some traveling abroad, etc.

While I applaud him for his practical approach and his courage to spend money on something more meaningful to them than conforming societal expectations, I realize a growing trend among people of their generation who prioritize life's experiences over traditions and material possessions. My son and his wife got married without a wedding, so did his sister-in-law.

A few days ago an old classmate of mine told me, her son spending time on learning, body-building, and traveling. He is representing a positive evolution towards valuing personal fulfillment and enrichment over traditional markers of success in life.

I imagine that Mao Zedong might view this emphasis on personal fulfillment over meeting societal obligations as being individualistic 个人主义 (Gè rén zhǔ yì). Or perhaps Mao could evolve over time when he saw the changing attitudes towards individualism in China today.

It is interesting to do some inward-looking and self-referential homework, like meta-blogging on my own blog.

I share my daily output with a limited number of friends and family members at these social media sites: Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Telegram, and WeChat. Since I have a tiny circle of friends wherever I turn, I don't anticipate a large readership.

Occasionally, one article attracts an unusually high readership on the first day, like this one: “What did Mao Zedong leave behind for his family.” I guess it’s the effect of famous people. Nobody can beat him on that.

Along the same line of thinking, here's a quotation from Mao: "The world is yours and also ours, but in the final analysis it is yours. You young people are full of vitality and are in your prime. You are like the sun at eight or nine o'clock in the morning. You shoulder the hope of humankind." 

True if the young learn the wisdom from the old. As it is, it's not happening now. The stereotype of the young is they are young and stupid, most of the time.

I think the part that Mao admired most in the young is their 朝气蓬勃 (zhāo qì péng bó), energetic and full of vitality.

By the way, to keep my vitality, I have been jogging with my youngest sister since I got back to Beijing. I encouraged her to jog everyday. After she left for Yunnan yesterday, I went out all by myself today. I imagine she will do the same after I leave Beijing.

During a meeting with one of my Korean students, I saw that she needed to boost up self confidence in job hunting. 

I told her: highlight the unique contributions that you can make to the company. You can showcase your unique perspective as a woman, a minority, and someone from Asian culture. That's not something they see everyday.

The more I talked to her, the more excited I myself became as I think of so many possibilities in life for everyone.

I emphasize the same focus with the high school students on their college application essays, that they need to articulate their unique voices, so that readers will be impressed as never before.

I remember years ago when my son talked about finding his niche either offering a unique service or the best one in the industry.

In fact, we have to believe that each of us is unique in our own way, either our way of thinking or looking or imagining. We only need to think hard and discover the unique contribution that we can make.

The Chinese saying: 物以稀为贵 (wù yǐ xī wéi guì) meaning: Rarity makes things precious. That is, the rare the things are, the more valuable they are. So, highlight your unique value like presenting yourself as one of a kind, like giant panda. 

By the way, Saturday my youngest sister will go to Yunnan. She has been attending my mother's needs for many years. My mother keeps offering her advices. That's nothing unique.

Wednesday morning I went to meet a high school classmate also in Beijing now. We haven't seen each other for over 40 years. We all have become an old version of ourselves.

As she showed me around her apartment, I noticed some unpacked furniture. She told me they were pictures packed during the apartment remodeling.

The sign of this packing brings back the memories of an old family acquaintance. They moved from New York to Florida in 2021. We went to see them right before the move. They packed plenty of collections and treasures collected over 30 years of their New York life.

I thought at some point in our lives we'd better start downsizing and focus on enriching our life's experience. These collections are 身外之物 (shēn wài zhī wù): materials not inherently ours, that we will have to relinquish eventually. We are like travelers, getting lighter as we have covered a large part of our journey.

Of course, the collection over one's lifetime means also emotional value, apart from monetary one. I once kept the clothes that my children wore when they were babies. Understandably, it's a challenge to part with them.

Every time I am facing the dilemma between keeping and letting go, I always find some comfort and confirmation in considering what Mao Zedong left behind for his family. Nothing in terms of materials.

Yesterday evening, while walking outside with my kid sister, we talked about my meetings with high school or college classmates in China. She told me she seldom went to such gatherings. It's boring because there's not much to talk about with them. People are about the same, more or less.

While I don't go to every one of them, I do enjoy and need some. I told her, meeting people is part of a healthy retirement lifestyle that we should embrace.

Baby brains thrive in many ways with abundance of outside stimulations. Imagine the damage to a baby mentally and emotionally if he were well-fed and clad but were by himself all day long, in a room without human interactions. A deprivation I would consider a crime against humanity!

On the other hand, following the use or loss rule, senior folks' brains shrink faster due to lack of social interactions.

Habits follow the-more-the-more rule, such as, the more you avoid human interactions, the more you feel dreadful about meeting people, the more you prefer being locked in by yourself. This is not good for our brains.

My sister mentioned a gathering during the Spring Festival where the host, after slurping down too much alcohol, started 吹牛逼 (chuī niú bī) bragging. People either 吹牛B or 装13 (zhuāng shi san) pretending at the gathering. It's a waste of time sitting there.

Change your way of looking: this is a super entertaining stage in which people perform without masks. You can't get this free entertainment at home. You can observe, participate, make comments, have fun, or directly tell them to stop bragging or pretending. Get real. Be positive.