Yanwen’s blog

Yesterday we went to the riverside north of Er-Huan with my mother. One of my relatives sat on a little folding stool by the river, posing for pictures, then wondering what his friends would say if he shared the picture on social media. Undoubtedly he is examining himself from the eyes of his friends and is looking forward to positive feedback.

In a way, we are all like him, trying to impress others and seeking approval or recognition from others. This is made easy and commonplace in the age of social media. That's why we have thumb-up 👍 or heart shape ❤️ or something else at the bottom of a post on social media.

We are different in the way we interact with the outside world, and the degree we allow ourselves to be influenced by others. 

While some people try to impress others with their appearance, brand-name clothes, others with their luxurious lifestyle, still others with their skills. Some people give up easily, while others keep going with or without any feedbacks.

People take advantage of whatever strengths and attributes that they may have to seek outside approval and appreciation.

I shared my thought with my sister. She was right when she said, “You try to impress others with your writing because you think that’s what you are good at.” I made no self-defense.

The incident serves as a poignant reminder of the dynamic of human interactions in which we all judge and are judged at the same time, and also the role of external approval plays in shaping our behavior and interactions.

One step further, it encourages us to reflect on the motivations behind our actions and, most importantly, the impact of outside appreciation have on our sense of self-worth and the strength to carry on.

My sister recently bought a dishwasher just for two of them, she and my mother. Together with other modern appliances like a robotic vacuum cleaner and voice-controlled clothes hanging poles, understandably this purchase reflects her desire for convenience and efficiency in managing household responsibilities. She looks forward to more of it, like using a robot maid, so she can be fully liberated from household duties.

While she enjoyed her new purchase, I said, "they are great inventions for those who are physically restricted for the tasks." I gently reminded her of the increasing reliance on modern technology to automate household tasks, as well as the potential consequences and implications of this trend, specially on our ability to take care of ourselves and maintain essential life skills. 

Modern technology can be a double-edged sword. While making our lives easier, they also have the potential to erode our self-reliance and weaken our capacity to perform basic tasks independently.

Don't forget the law of use or loss, Chinese saying: 用进废退. I remember years ago my mother cooked for herself. She enjoyed doing it and was proud of it. After my sister took over the task, she's doing less and less. Perhaps we should have done something different.

By writing about this, I hope people keep in mind the importance of maintaining a balance between leveraging modern technology and retaining our essential life skills and capabilities, and realize that very often good things don't come without a price. Perhaps losing our ability to take care of ourselves is the ultimate price we pay for these modern conveniences.

Yesterday I read two pieces where the authors talked big about promoting Chinese culture combined with ancient Chinese civilization, recently so boosted by the Chinese leaders.

One of the authors started with this, "When I was a graduate student, my advisor told me that, don't write if you don't have something original to say ... Otherwise, you contribute nothing valuable with your writing." Sadly to say, he produced a super long one full of empty words, yielding nothing substantial.

Talking of civilization only brought to my mind a very uncivilized murder case in Handan, China, where a teenager boy was brutally murdered by three of his classmates. Perhaps civilization needs to be restored because of its severe shortage in China now.

I remember many years ago reading about moral education in Japan. It is an integral of Japan’s educational system, with the goal of “cultivating student’s morality, including moral mentality, judgment, engagement, and attitude” through all the educational activities in school, including orderliness, mindfulness, hard work, fairness, and harmony.

It would be more down to earth and sensible if people talked about teaching morality at a young age, instead of throwing empty pompous terms like ancient wisdom and civilization.

For the health of a society, it is way more important for little kids to learn morality than to learn knowledge. A kid got the whole life to learn skills but once he turns bad morally, it will take his whole life to unlearn the bad morality.

A famous Chinese poem: 随风潜入夜，润物细无声 (Suí fēng qiánrù yè, rùn wù xì wú shēng), "quietly the rain drops with the wind at night, moistening everything without a sound." Like spring rain that moistens everything quietly, the gentle teaching nourishes and enriches children's hearts.

Sunday evening meeting my Korean student always brings something new for me to write about.

March 18, I wrote one on her husband's job loss. She told me that she used to spend money without any planning. Now she started budgeting and putting aside some savings for any uncertain events. Last week she told me the story of her five-year-old daughter. 

I told her that there were lots of things that we could learn from the children. I shared with her my writings on my children’s birthdays. She said, “OMG, it's so wonderful that you remembered all these little things of their childhood. I don’t even remember things happened yesterday."

Next I shared with her a Chinese saying, 一个烂笔头强过最好的记忆力 (yī gè làn bǐ tóu qiáng guò zuì hǎo de jì yì lì), the shortest pencil is better than the best memory. The saying emphasizes recording information, ideas, and experiences through writing can be more valuable than having a good memory alone.

Additionally, writing can help clarify thoughts and provide better reflection when you look back. It definitely can compensate for bad memory or for the limitations in our memory.

I told her writing itself comes easy with modern technology. I don’t write on paper anymore and I seldom type. I use the small mic 🎤 at the bottom of the keyboard on the cell phone and just talk to it, then do some editing. The whole thing takes about 30 minutes.

My student said she would do the same thing to record the childhood stories of her two daughters, too precious to forget.

Last Friday 4/12, a friend of mine asked me to take a look at an essay by her teenager son. While I acknowledge his language proficiency, I let my friend know that her teenager son needs to explore more complex topics and delve deeper into ideas with some maturity.

I have worked with many high school seniors before and have written many times on the importance of writing. Here's the same topic on writing for my friend and others who wish to write better.

First of all, as the starting point, find the topic that you are passionate about or really interested in. For teenagers whose life experience is very limited, you can either read widely or explore different perspectives on daily events. See if you can look at familiar topics from unique angles and develop more nuanced and engaging writing.

Second, stay curious and open-minded as you go about your daily routine. Question assumptions and seek out diverse viewpoints. Take nothing for granted and let go of nothing unexamined and unquestioned.

Third, develop critical thinking skills. When you decide to write, you are not just a writer, you are also a thinker. The quality of your thinking directly determines that of your writing. Think about the ideas you encounter in your reading and events you see around you, develop your own opinions and perspectives. Be an independent thinker. Remember to always support your argument with evidence.

Finally, like all solid skills in life, writing is a journey of a thousand miles, that takes time and nothing less than serious dedication and perseverance. Write with a growth mindset, fear not of challenges and setbacks.