Yanwen’s blog

Sunday evening during my meeting with my Korean student, she asked me about writing her annual evaluation 年度评估 (Nián dù píng gū) and setting new goals for the year.

I remember I once wrote a short article on this. That was long ago when I was still working. I don't have the details of that piece, though I remember the tone and the mood while writing it. The tone is not positive for sure. I was too judgmental and critical.

I know employees don't usually associate fun time with annual evaluation. It might cause undue stress or anxiety at the thought of being evaluated or judged by the manager. Also, people never enjoy negative feedback or criticism. It can be a waste of time if it's not taken seriously by both sides.

Perhaps we can see it from the perspective of the management team, adopt a more positive tone and transform it into the time of appreciation and re-engagement with our own goals.

First, we can generate a list of our accomplishments due to the wise management of our current boss. Rubbing your boss the right way.

Second, use this as an opportunity to align between your personal and professional goals with company's mission, as a point of connection. It's exciting when recognizing how our aspirations can contribute to the overall objectives and success of the organization.

We will feel more motivated and engaged, more fulfilling and productive, when framing our personal activities and development in the context of shared goals and values with an entity larger than ourselves. In fact, it works this way in many of our activities, even in this writing.

I share this question, yet I don't have the answer.

Last weekend we went to Shijiazhuang, the capital city of China's Hebei Province, to see my aunt and uncle and their children, my mother’s siblings. My aunt is 5 years younger than my mother, uncle 11 years younger.

My aunt as a retired army engineer enjoys a fat cushion of financial safety. However, her son told me, "My mother often has this sense of meaninglessness, talking about death being a better alternative to life for her. I often mention your mother to cheer her up. 'Look at your elder sister. She is healthy and cheerful, so should you.'"

My aunt has a spacious three-bed apartment in a big Army courtyard for retired army officers. The courtyard has a high concentration of seniors. You can see people walking around either with sticks or walkers. My aunt uses a walking stick. She told me about the loss of some neighbors since this year. Some here yesterday, gone today. I guess there is no shortage of the news of loss in her courtyard.

I think her environment contributes to her low spirits. Experiencing the loss of peers or friends in her neighborhood can lead to feelings of sadness or depression for her. The experience could remind of her own mortality and cause her to overthink.

While it's difficult to find a cookie-cutter solution to the well-being of seniors, I can see clearly in my aunt's case, that financial stability is not enough, and emotional and social support are also critical for her overall well-being. 

Also, living in a senior center and witnessing the passing of one's peers could be a challenge to the fragile mental health of seniors. The potential trauma associated with witnessing the passing of peers is also a real concern.

There are plenty of this type of living quarters for retirees in China. While I don't know exactly which social environment provides the best quality of life for the seniors, I know there are some emotional and psychological needs that are not addressed in my aunt's case.

I talked about this book a few days ago, The Greatest Minds and Ideas of All Time by Will Durant. There is something that I find interesting. Some might seem provocative to male readers.

Durant's list of "The ten 'Peaks' of human progress" includes: 1. Speech. 2. Fire. 3. The conquest of the animals. 4. Agriculture. 5. Social organization. 6. Morality. 7. Tools. 8. Science. 9. Education. 10. Printing.

On No.4: agriculture, are two parts. First, the author indicated that for a civilization to take form, it needs homes and agriculture. Men wondering around in the wildness as hunters, herders and killers need to settle down in one place to build homes, schools and churches, and colleges. They needed homes to form psychological cement of the society.

Second, the role of women. Someone said, "Women were the last creatures to be civilized by men." Durant said, this was totally wrong. The opposite is true.

—“It was women who gave men agriculture and home. She domesticated men as she domesticated sheep and pigs. Man is woman's last domesticated animal and perhaps he is the last creature that would be civilized by woman."

This is the first time that I heard of this perspective on the historical roles of women and men in the development of agriculture and domestic life, that women played a central role in the domestication of both animals and men. Even more interesting is this: the great historian Will Durant likened the process of taming savage men to the domestication of livestock.

Throughout history and across all cultures, women have been oppressed, deprived, discriminated against at the hand of men under patriarchal rule. In the mind of men, it is more likely that men civilize women through their control of women.

I won't be surprised if male readers find it offensive at the suggestion that women became civilized first and men were to be civilized by women.

Happy birthday to the most wonderful son in the world!

When you were a little baby, I often took you outside to get some sunshine. A friend of mine saw this, knowing that I was working on my dissertation and also teaching, said to me, "You'd better pause your writing and wait till your son grows up and supports your Ph.D dream."

That moment I was determined to get my degree before deadline and do something that would make you proud. I'm still trying.

I grew up in an army courtyard during the years of Cultural Revolution where it was cool to use vulgar words. I carried the same tradition until one day I heard you imitating these words in your sweetest baby voice. That moment I made a promise to rid myself of any uncivilized language.

In high school I watched you learning the business of web server management, something above my knowledge and ability. I knew you would be okay when you were following your interest and passion. It turned out I was right!

Thank you for transforming me into a better person, for teaching me to be humble and to learn to empathize with people, and for motivating me to keep trying even in my senior years.

I'm glad to see 长江后浪推前浪 (Cháng jiāng hòu làng tuī qián làng), a Chinese saying, the latter waves push on the former ones, meaning the new generation advances and surpasses the old generation.

Enjoy your birthday, son, with love, pride, and deep appreciation from mom!

I heard this news a few days ago, China implemented a visa-free policy for citizens from several European countries, including Switzerland, Ireland, Hungary, Austria, Belgium, and Luxembourg. They can travel to China visa-free. They are allowed to stay in China for up to 15 days for purposes such as business, tourism, family visits, etc. 

It was often interpreted as for the purpose of facilitating tourism and enhancing communications, understanding and good feelings between peoples. Undoubtedly it will do all this.

I perceive a deeper significance in terms of China's openness to the Western world. I believe it takes tremendous amount of courage and self-confidence to be open.

I grew up in the era of culture revolution, especially in early 1970s when people were not allowed to freely talk to foreigners, for fear of saying something negative about the country. At that time, China was obsessed with keeping decent appearances, covering up the negative, showing to foreigners the brightest side of the country. It was almost a crime to say anything disparaging about the country because it implied a criticism against the authorities.

This extreme cover-up, this fear of criticism are all signs of weakness, fear and of lack of self-confidence.

Along this line of thinking, today's new visa-free policy further opening its door to outsiders demonstrates an unprecedented level of courage, strength and self-confidence.

开放需要勇气 (Kāi fàng xū yào yǒng qì) It takes courage to be open. So it is with a country, so it is with individuals.