Yanwen’s blog

Wednesday while my Korean student and I were talking about American politics and the election, I told her that in America it is inappropriate to inquire about three things at office: paycheck, age and politics, e.g. which party you vote for. She quickly apologized for having asked too much, which is not a big deal to me.

Both of my Korean students enjoy talking about politics, perhaps because I ask them to watch news video everyday in order to improve their listening skill. Still, in term of political fervor, they can't be compared to my family in China. Especially palpable is people's political enthusiasm in Beijing, right beneath the walls of the imperial palace

There is a saying that best describes this mentality, 天下兴亡，匹夫有责 (Tiānxià xīngwáng, pǐfū yǒu zé), meaning, regarding the prosperity and decline of the country, each individual has the responsibility, no matter who he is. The saying strongly emphasizes the civic duty of the individuals, regardless of their social status, regarding the destiny of the country, regarding which direction the country is heading. In a way, the saying reflects the Confucian values of social responsibility and the impact of individuals beyond their small circles on the country. This must be the daily motto of my family in Beijing.

Last year our parent-community held a talk on Montessori method of education, which is based on self-directed activities, experiential learning, and collaborative play.

The Montessori method reminds me a lot of parenting in pre-industrial societies that I learned from my mother. She grew up in countryside in northern China. During her early childhood, children were supposed to play active roles in household chores, gathering grass for cows, feeding pigs, or doing crafts, and babysitting her brother who is 10 years her junior. She learned to take care of herself and others from very young age.

The saying that it takes a village to raise a child was very much true at that time when the village was heavily involved in raising and socializing children with their values and traditions. There was no formal education. A lot of things that children did was to prepare them for adulthood and for their future roles in the family and community.

Montessori bears some similarities to parenting in pre-industrial societies, in that it emphasizes informal, hand-on learning, hand-free parenting, doing while learning. The major difference is the cost. While parenting in pre-industrial societies is FREE, here is over $40,000 for a toddler for one school year. I just checked one in New York.

There is a Chinese saying, 自己动手，丰衣足食 (Zìjǐ dòng-shǒu, fēng-yī-zú-shí) When you can work with your own hands, you can have plenty of clothing and food. This Chinese saying emphasizes self-reliance and hard work. That is, you won't go without food and clothes and comfortable life if you are capable of using your hands to create values.

Since the start of the year I have intended to present my year plan to my readers. Here it is now.

Last year I promised to write a post every day. I'm glad to say that I have kept my promise whenever I can. This year I'm going to keep the same with one bonus. I'm going to insert a tiny bit of Chinese toward the end of my writing.

Of course, writing will become easier everyday when I can always leverage my proficiency in both languages. More important is the thought that, like it or not, there is something in Chinese culture that is hard to ignore -- (1) having the oldest continuous civilization in human history (2) the combination of her massive landmass and population.

Another amazing fact is, throughout its long history, China has been ruled by minority groups who were not Han majority, e.g. the famous Genghis Khan of the Yuan Dynasty and the last Qing Dynasty. Regardless who ruled this vast land, they all eventually adopted and assimilated into Chinese culture.

There is a Chinese saying: 一口吃不成大胖子(Yī-kǒu chī bù-chéng dà pàng-zi). The literal meaning is: You can't become fat with just one bite. Metaphorically, it can mean many things, e.g. you can't achieve a huge accomplishment overnight or with a single kick. Rome was not built in a day. Regarding Chinese culture, it took 5000 years for China to be China.

Monday I had my annual physical with a nice Korean-American doctor. Everything went well before phlebotomy. The blood drawing nurse tried my right arm first, then the left one. When blood didn't come out at her first jab, she started poked around underneath my skin within my flesh. It was so painful that I let out a shriek, despite myself.

She stopped, looked nervous and quickly apologized. I hurriedly comforted her, "Oh, it's okay. It’s just me. They always have a hard time drawing my blood. My arms are too fat."

I lied. This is almost the first time that I felt so painful. I lied in order to alleviate any anxiety the nurse might have felt. I lied to cooperate with the nurse and create a more positive atmosphere. I lied to show my understanding, hoping my lie could help her less nervous and get her job done. I think sometime we all need to lie in order to reassure others, to reduce anxiety or stress in others, especially when working with little children.

Two days have passed since then. I'm still thinking about the incident. Yesterday my sister told me that she did something rather upsetting today, that she broke two things. I comforted her, "it's okay, 旧的不去，新的不来" (Jiù de bù qù, xīn de bù lái), meaning, the new can't come if the old refuses to go. Out with the old, in with the new. The implied idea is: in order to embrace new opportunities or experiences, one must be willing to let go of the old or familiar zone. Let's embrace the new and forget the past!

This is my last one on Thomas Corley's Rich Habits book. Before I let go of Corley's book, I'd like to mention one thing in rich people: BELIEF, specifically, they have an unshakeable belief in their own ability to determine their own destiny.

In Corey's survey, about 90% of wealthy people do not believe in fate. Instead, they believe that they are in control of their lives. About 79% of the rich believe firmly that they have the ability to work hard and rise above poverty and be part of the wealthy class. Over 90% of them believe that hard work is more important than high IQ. They hold the belief that diligence can change and compensate for any inherent weaknesses that they get at birth.

They set goals, not wishes because they can't control the outcome of a wish, but they can control the outcome of a goal. They guard themselves against self-limiting beliefs. About luck, they believe good luck is just the by-product of their good habits. Their positive habits lead to all the good things in their lives. There is no bad luck in their vocabulary.

People may debate about the nature vs. nurture, which plays crucial roles in human development. Nature refers to everything that we are given genetically while nurture involves the impact of environment, upbringing, and experiences. There is a Chinese saying "人定胜天" (Rén dìng shèng tiān) meaning "Human effort can triumph over nature." The saying expresses fully the belief in the power of human will, determination, and effort in overcoming whatever people get at birth, however insurmountable they may seem.

The lives of the wealthy can very well end this debate now.