Yanwen’s blog

I heard about changes in China's educational practices. Starting 2016, Beijing's No. 11 School added one item on their teacher's evaluation: How humorous is the teacher? I can't help laughing over this.

On second thought, it makes tremendous sense! According to a survey, on the average, a 4-year-old kid laughs about 300 times each day; a 40-year-old laughs about 3 times each day. Isn't it sad that we lose the ability to laugh as we grow old? 

Also, consider the interactions between the poker-face teachers and the happy children. Laughing is contagious. I once said, teaching benefits both sides. Surely so if the children can make their teachers laugh as naturally as children are.

I see an extra health bonus here. Many articles emphasize three keys to longevity: exercise, healthy diet, and great spirits or moods. Laughing keeps your spirits sky-high!

Chinese people like to say: 笑一笑,十年少 (Xiào yī xiào, shí nián shào): meaning: One laughing makes you ten years younger. In other words, with one smile, you will either look or feel ten years younger. What a great deal!

There is definitely a positive impact of a happy mood on your look and overall well-being. Be cheerful and positive! Trust the youth and health be with you, no matter what age. Laugh, one of the best medicines in the world, also it’s free!

Saturday evening, on the way back from the airport, my daughter enthusiastically shared her experience in Japan. Plenty of them. 

One part that keeps popping up in my mind is this. She said, "People whisper in public, on bus or in any public space.  You never hear them talk out loud. They are very conscious of keeping their voices down. They are very polite. We had to whisper when we talked in bus. It gets to the point of feeling depressed."

I keep imagining myself in a culture where I can't raise my voice or talk out loud all the time in public. No doubt I would be totally done in by depression. No wonder Japan has a relatively high suicide rate compared to other developed countries. They must be super depressed! Yet, Japan also has one of the highest life expectancies in the world. The average life expectancy in Japan has been consistently high, over 84 years of LE! People must feel fit in this culture.

At the point this Chinese words surfaced in my head: 适者生存 (Shì zhě shēngcún). It means survival of the fittest. I am not aware of Darwin's own definition of fittest. My guess is those who can best adapt to their environment, be it natural or social or cultural, must have better chance of surviving and thriving than those who are poor at adapting. 

Survival appears to hinge on adaptation rather than competition, especially in today's rapidly changing work environment, which includes the influence of AI and other technological advancements.

Weekend is always mentally and physically revitalizing to me when we spend time with the children. Their youthful presence is very contagious. 

Yesterday we walked on Brooklyn streets with my son and stepped into Barnes & Nobel's bookstore. There I saw the book that I wanted to borrow from the library but it's not available yet because it came out last November, Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes by Morgan Housel. My son said, if you want to read it, I'll buy it. So he did.

On the way back, he recalled, when they were small, we used to spend a lot of time in bookstore, reading books there but seldom bought books. This has been rather impactful on him even now, the love of reading. So delighted to hear this.

I remember my father wrote these characters on a piece of paper and displayed on his desk, 开卷有益 (Kāi juàn yǒu yì). The literal meaning is: it is always beneficial to open a book. These words underscore the belief that reading and learning can always benefit you. It encourages lifelong learning and the continuous exploration in the sea of knowledge for growth and enlightenment.

A person won't go wrong as long as he loves reading.

There's something new everyday. Friday morning I had an interesting chat with a young alumnus from Tianjin. They have two children, the older son being 10 years old. They sound worried about the boy.

They said, the boy is very special with high IQ and low EQ. Any teacher who has taught him says he is smart, but he has a bad temper, a strong personality and is always at odds with others. They believe his main problem is that he does not care about anyone or anything. True, he cares about our family but he cares more about his own feelings than that of others.

When I suggested that writing can help boost his EQ, they said, he is weak at writing and feels uncomfortable about writing. He is excited when it comes to mathematics or programming, having a strong partiality toward one subject.

Clearly the boy has a unique set of strengths and challenges. What would I do if he were my son, I asked myself. I would try the following:

(1) Encourage and support his passion since he loves math and programming.

(2) Find ways to sneak in writing skills with his interests in math and programming, like asking him to write a coding project or coding story.

(3) Develop his emotional intelligence by emphasizing the importance of understanding and empathizing with others' feelings.

(4) Teach him the proper way of anger management and conflict resolution. This he definitely needs to learn.

Ultimately he needs to learn to manage himself. The boy is only 10 years old. They still have time, but the window is closing fast.

A Chinese proverb resonates with this situation: 授人以鱼, 不如授人以渔。(Shòu rén yǐ yú bùrú shòu rén yǐ yú.) Teach a man how to fish is far better than giving him a fish. The moral lesson here is: If you give a man a fish, you feed him for only a day; if you teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime."

As a parent, I believe it is very important to empower the child with the skills and knowledge to meet challenges on his own. Parents can't be there for the children all the time. While we nurture the child's interests, we also need to teach him valuable life skills, and guide him to develop emotional intelligence. This will have a lasting impact on his life.

It warmed my heart immensely when a few days ago a young relative of ours expressed his gratitude to us. He came to the United States in 2006 when he was in his early 20s. We helped him with school applications here and provided other types of help for him to complete his study. I'm delighted to see him growing into such a mature, grateful and responsible individual now.

He was a different person in 2006. Back then, I remember every time I offered some advice to him, he would blurted out "I know. I know. I know. No need to tell me..." It sounded like a direct affront to my good intentions. Of course he was still a child. I never took it to heart. 

This should give some hope to parents who think their children are rude and disrespectful. They are still immature. In due time, they will grow up, become mature and different persons. Just be patient.

Here's a Chinese saying that I hope people can take it to their hearts. It is a super great advice if you want to be nice. "有则改之，无则加勉" (Yǒu zé gǎi zhī, wú zé jiā miǎn). The literal meaning is: "Correct it if you have this problem, prevent it if you don't have it." 

This saying applies to occasions when someone either criticizes you or gives you advice. Your positive attitude should be "有则改之，无则加勉", instead of starting a self-defense mode or like my relative in 2006.

You may ask, what's the big deal about this attitude? It's all about acknowledging the good intentions in others, about giving credit to the person who cares enough to tell us what he honestly thinks, and most importantly, about being a PLEASANT human. Because a direct affront can be annoying to many people.