Yanwen’s blog

My meeting with my Korean student last Sunday gave me some homework to ponder.

This summer has been particularly stressful for her, with concerns about her husband's job situation and her father's health in Korea. She mentioned that she plans to return to South Korea for 10 days if her husband receives a job offer this summer.

Given these pressures, when I asked about her daughter's summer reading plan, she apologized profusely for not having started. Her 9-year-old daughter doesn’t like reading, making it a bit of a headache to encourage her.

Needless to say, reading is crucial for everyone, especially children. Equally important is parental involvement in helping children develop good habits. While I reminded her that half of the summer has already passed and we need to get going soon, I am also fully aware of her current challenges.

We have previously discussed the importance of reading for a child's cognitive development, language skills, and academic success, as well as the role of parental involvement in developing good habits. This seems to be a common problem many of us face: we know we should do it, still we keep delaying the start.

With children's reading, perhaps we can begin by designating a specific space for reading, creating a make-believe fairyland-like reader's world that is fun-filled and less intimidating, making it a visible part of the child's daily routine.

Second, as with everything good or bad, parents leading by example is crucial. Children are more likely to read if they see their parents doing it. When my son was little, I was working on my dissertation. I often took him to our university library, which proved very impactful on him. When I taught the word 图书馆 (tú shū guǎn) library. He learned it fast because he (his nickname) is inside the square library building.

Third, try reading aloud or taking turns reading aloud with the child. It is a fun performance. This interactive reading not only improves reading skills but also makes reading a fun. I remember my daughter reading Halloween books, imitating ghosts talking.

Fourth, this is very important! Discuss what they read, ask questions about the characters and plot. This helps develop critical thinking and reading comprehension. Ask immediately after reading. Get into the habit of reflecting what just happens.

By incorporating these small but meaningful chats after reading, we can make a significant impact on our children’s reading habits and overall development. Talking with children after each reading plays the role of 四两拨千斤 (sì liǎng bō qiān jīn), "using four ounces to move a thousand pounds." This means that a little effort in engaging with them can lead to tremendous results in their cognitive and emotional growth. 

In fostering a love for reading, we’re not just opening books; we’re opening minds and hearts to a world of knowledge and imagination. Let’s embark on this journey together, knowing that each page turned and every conversation had are a step toward a brighter, more enriched future for our children.

A few days ago, I caught up with a friend of mine in Kansas who had just returned from a trip home to China. It was her first visit in five years, timed perfectly for her father's 80th birthday. Needless to say, her parents were thrilled to see her, and she was equally excited.

She shared with me that her visit reaffirmed what she had read in a Harvard University study: people's happiness largely stems from relationships.

Curious, I looked up the study titled, "What the Longest Study on Human Happiness Found is the Key to a Good Life." It concluded that good relationships lead to health and happiness. This resonated with me and made me think a lot about its implications for parenting.

Many well-meaning parents aspire for their children to lead happy lives. However, they often overlook the importance of teaching their children how to cultivate and maintain good human relationships. While they focus mostly on academics, sports, going to the best colleges, and other skills, the social and emotional competencies crucial for happiness are frequently neglected.

I think this oversight is likely due to a lack of awareness about the critical role that good relationships play in creating happiness.

So, how can parents incorporate the teaching of relationship-building into their parenting? I don't have all the answers, but I would recommend a common-sense approach: lead by example. Children learn best by observing their parents.

Parents can demonstrate how to maintain healthy relationships through their own peaceful interactions and communication within the family, compromise, mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. Open and effective communication to resolve conflicts, instead of resorting to yelling, is also crucial.

By modeling these behaviors, parents can impart the essential social and emotional skills their children need to build fulfilling relationships and, ultimately, lead happy lives.

Of course, the most direct way is to teach good practices to the children. I remember teaching my son when he was in high school, "Don't raise your voice at girls. Respect girls." Or, "When someone yells at you, tell him 有理不在声高 (yǒu lǐ bù zài shēng gāo)," meaning "Reason lie not in him who speaks the loudest."

In conclusion, I believe, if happiness is what we want for our children, the greatest gift we can give them is the ability to develop and nurture mature and meaningful relationships. This will lay a foundation not only for creating happiness but also equipping them with the resilience and empathy needed to meet life's challenges. You never know who you will encounter on your life's journey.

As parents, leading by example is the most powerful tool we have to instill these values in our children, ensuring their journey through life is both happy, healthy and fulfilling.

We took a long walk on Sunday morning before the heat became intense. During our walk, my daughter and I discussed the challenges we are currently facing.

I told her that I came to the United States when I was her age, starting from scratch. If I hadn't come, I would have a very different life, perhaps an easier one without the challenge of facing a new culture and language. As your brother said to you, "If Mom and Dad didn't come to the U.S., you wouldn't be here at all." They know all about China's one-child policy before 2015.

As the second generation of immigrants, she faces different challenges, but they are much easier than what we faced before. I recited this phrase for her again: 雄关漫道真如铁，而今迈步从头越, the long and arduous road ahead is indeed like iron obstacles, but now we take our first steps to start anew.

This phrase acknowledges that the obstacles ahead are hard as iron, but it also highlights that our determination is stronger. It expresses a resolve to start anew and overcome these obstacles.

My daughter quit her job in 2021 and was courageous enough to follow a path more risky and less taken. I told her to remember these words. In a broader sense, this phrase means that although the path forward may be tough, with steadfastness and a fresh beginning, she can overcome any obstacle, stronger than iron.

A young couple we know are nearing the age commonly considered “over the hill.” They are the first generation of immigrants here, with two small children. They now face enormous tasks settling here compared to the second-generation ABCs (American-Born Chinese).

For my daughter and my young friends, I'd like to remind them to keep up the youthful spirit and aspirations they were so full of when they were fresh out of college. This spirit is super valuable as it keeps us curious and open-minded, steadfast in moving forward. Don’t let go of this youthful spirit and become jaded and lose steam over time.

As we finished our walk, we felt a renewed sense of hope for the future. Despite the challenges that lie ahead, I am confident that she and my young friends will follow their new path with renewed confidence and determination. Just as I once embarked on my journey with resolve, they too will forge their own way, embracing each step with renewed courage and strength.

We traveled to Brooklyn yesterday via New York Public Transit and will be here for a week. Inside the subway, I was reminded of our recent visit to the Museum of New York Transit. From the museum pictures, it felt as if not much had changed in the past century.

The NYC transit system, which began construction in 1900, is one of the oldest and most extensive in the world. It has played a crucial role in the city's growth and development, holding significant historical and cultural value. However, its age means much of the infrastructure is outdated and in dire need of substantial repairs and modernization.

My Korean student mentioned that many of her colleagues were shocked when they first experienced the NYC subway. They expected a modern infrastructure in a wealthy city like New York. In fact, many public transit systems in China are far more advanced compared to New York's.

According to my research, the world’s oldest metro system is the London Underground, which opened in 1863. The world’s longest metro network is the Beijing Subway, spanning 815.2 kilometers (506.5 miles). The world’s busiest metro system is the Shanghai Metro, with 2.83 billion annual trips.

The cost of maintaining and upgrading the NYC subway system is enormous, requiring strong government funding. My Korean student once asked why the wealthiest city in the world doesn't have the resources to modernize its subway system. I explained that it's a matter of prioritization.

Currently, New York City is grappling with more pressing issues than upgrading its infrastructure, such as the housing crisis, homelessness, high crime, and the need to provide shelter and food for a large number of migrants in recent years.

In the hustle and bustle of New York, with numerous visitors from around the world, the subway remains a vital lifeline for millions. It’s literally a living museum, carrying strong echoes of the past while navigating the challenges of the present.

As we ride these historic century-old relics, not without fear of their collapse, it’s a reminder that progress often comes at a cost. The future of the city’s transit will depend on how well the past can serve future passengers and how long it can run without meeting its end. When the system finally reaches its breaking point, it will undoubtedly become a top priority in NYC's budget.

I recently came across the heartbreaking news of a 30-year-old employee of China International Capital Corporation (CICC) who took her own life. Speculations abound regarding the factors leading to this tragedy: salary cuts, financial strain from mortgage obligations, losses due to housing depreciation in Shanghai, and the burden of postpartum depression.

This young woman had a remarkable past marked by outstanding academic achievements and significant experience in foreign exchange at work. Her life had been relatively smooth, void of hardships. And she harbored high aspirations for the future. She had never encountered substantial setbacks or experienced the unpredictability of life's ups and downs.

While there are many speculations about the specific event that may have been the tipping point, I believe the core issue lies in her psychological instability and fragility and lack of mental and psychological preparation for such challenges.

In reflecting on this tragedy, many Chinese sayings come to mind. I think we’re in a hard time now, no exceptions for most of us. In times like this, this saying captures the attitude and the spirit that we should have: 逢山开路，遇水架桥 (féng shān kāi lù, yù shuǐ jià qiáo) meaning: "If you meet a mountain blocking your way, dig a tunnel; if you encounter a river blocking your way, build a bridge."

This saying encourages us to face obstacles head-on with courage and creativity — whether by carving a path through mountains or building bridges over rivers. It speaks to the resilience needed to navigate life's hardships and the importance of finding constructive solutions.

Finally, this unfortunate event should remind us of the importance of mental health awareness and support in society. It calls for greater empathy and understanding towards those facing difficulties, urging us all to develop resilience and seek help when needed.