Yanwen’s blog

Now that I have returned to the States, so much for the drama while I was in Beijing. There's something that I thought of when I was there. 

While discussing my children's careers with my sisters, I acknowledged that luck may have played a part, but I stressed to them the importance of being focus as a crucial factor, which brought up this book then The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth About Extraordinary Results, 2013, by Gary Keller, Jay Papasan.

Keller was pondering this: we all have 24 hours a day, why do some people succeed and some not? If we regard time as the initial asset in a person's career, everyone's asset is the same: 24 hours a day. Successful people are able to invest their asset well and get more returns than others. Keller believes that success often hinges on how effectively we invest our time and energy and how we narrow our goals and maintaining laser-like focus prioritizing and avoiding distractions.

Keller dispels the 6 lies that obstruct us from achieving success. (1) Everything matters equally. (2) Multitasking. (3) A disciplined life. (4) Willpower is always on will-call. (5) A balanced life. (6) Big is bad.

If you want to achieve extraordinary results, first you must know what is the most important thing that you can do in 5 years, this year, this month, this week, today and this very moment. Keller suggests using backward working method from a future goal to actions at the moment to make sure that our daily efforts align with our long-term goals.

Finally, according to Keller, the key to success includes a clear goal and unwavering commitment to the ONE THING, the most important tasks at the moment.

My first sister recalled this incident happened in 2018 when she was in the U.S. to see her son. The boy was 20 years old going to college there.

At the end of the semester, my sister went to his college to fetch him back. The school was almost empty. My sister was excited to see her son but she could see that the boy didn't share her excitement in going home with her.

Indeed, he went straight from his college to K-State with his friend and didn't get back until after my sister asked him to.

Considering the fact that my sister had a high hope for spending more time with her son after traveling all the way from China, her disappointment must have been magnified by his choosing to spend some time with his friends away from his mother.

My sister has all the right to feel unappreciated and hurt. But she buried it all inside without saying anything at that time. Still she describes it vividly even today.

It's possible that the son was not mature enough to fully realize the impact his actions had on his mother and the significance of her visit. In this case, when facing immature adult child, I think parents should communicate their wishes clearly beforehand, like "I am coming over to see you. If you have other commitments, I can come over another time." Open communication between my sister and her son could make life easy for both.

I told my second sister who is going to Shanghai to see her son, "Ultimately parents need to realize and accept the fact that children have their own priorities in life. Children may want to spend time with their friends or their better half or doing something else which they consider more important than spending time with the parents."

My sister’s son lives in the U.S and arrived in Shanghai yesterday, 4/28. Yesterday morning my sister was waiting anxiously for her son’s message. He should be in Shanghai already. She knew his departure time and calculated his arrival time. She had told him to let her know upon his arrival.

She posted a message in her family group asking her son, "Arrived?" The son replied, “Arrived.” She asked, “When did you arrive?” “A few hours ago.” After that, the son has not said anything to his parents in Beijing for that day. 

My sister said, “我感觉心凉. This is a big deal for me. We plan to drive to Shanghai to see him. This maybe the only time that our family meets this year. I really look forward to our once-a-year family reunion. I know he must be busy, still I’m sure he lets his girlfriend know soon after he arrived. I’m just not as important to him as his girlfriend.”

I told my sister, on the one hand your concerns are natural and rooted in the Chinese tradition as shown in the saying 儿行千里母担忧. 

On the other hand, he may be busy or may be tired or may call his girlfriend first, which he should. We don't know what happened. But keep in mind it's both unproductive and useless to speculate about other's actions or motivations, as it can lead to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings. 

I encourage her to communicate openly with her son about her concerns and expectations. I'm sure this honest communication can help alleviate any misunderstandings and strengthen their relationship.

When I told my relative about the topics that I write about every day, including parenting and career development, one of them said, your circle of friends are all about your age. They don’t have young children, and need no career ladder to climb. I don’t think they are interested in topics like this. All they care now is healthcare. 

This is not the first time that I hear people questioning the relevance of my writings to people's life. This is absolutely true. In fact, I don’t need to learn anything at all. Here's my thought: 

First, I think, regardless of its immediate relevance to our lives, it’s healthy to keep our curiosities and and minds open to diverse topics, a wide range of perspectives and ideas that can lead to personal growth and a richer understanding of the world.

Second, sharing ideas and insights with friends and relatives can foster meaningful connections and hopefully spark engaging and quality conversations. Even if the topics may not directly apply to our lives at the moment, we can still find value in learning something new.

The world would be markedly different without the curiosity and collaborative sharing among individuals who values lifelong learning, contributing to its unique cultural fabric.

By the way, today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday to my most hard-working and caring sister! 

I heard this story from my sister. A man worked hard on his own and became very successful. He told his sister that she should work on her own first instead of relying on him. So the sister worked at the bottom job for a decade without getting anywhere. Now the man regrets not having provided his sister with a higher starting point in her career. He realizes that she could have progressed faster if given a high platform to start with. Life is too short to let her struggle at the bottom for so long.

The story emphasizes the importance of having opportunities and the support and assistance of others, ideally close relatives, for us to rise up faster in career. By encouraging his sister to start from scratch and leaving her there for a decade, the man inadvertently let her waste a decade, letting go of the potential for faster advancement that could have come with a higher starting point.

If you don't have a successful sibling or relatives to provide you with a higher platform to start your career, it's crucial to be proactive: seek out mentors in your field, start networking as early as possible, be resourceful and keep looking for opportunities for growth and advancement.

While having help from others can be a huge boost, your own efforts and determination play a crucial role in your own success.

Finally, I'm leaving Beijing for New York at 2:40 am on April 29. I took the time to bid farewell to friends and relatives and promised to meet in Beijing next year.