Yanwen’s blog

Every Friday evening, I teach English online to a 6-year-old girl. Before we started the whole thing, I asked her mother to find her a study buddy or partner. If she couldn't find one, I suggested she play that role herself. Unfortunately, she didn't do either.

Yesterday, I spent some time explaining to the mother why having at least one study buddy is important. I began by talking about company culture, since she owns a few stores in Beijing. I explained that the purpose of a company culture is to create shared norms, values, standard behaviors, an environment or atmosphere, and 同伴压力 (tóng bàn yā lì) peer pressure.

A good company culture works like good peer pressure. It encourages employees to perform well because they see their peers doing the same, such as avoiding the use of inappropriate language in the office.

Additionally, by giving accolades to people for their extraordinary performance, as one of my previous employers did, the company aims to create positive pressure on other employees to compete for accolades by outperforming each other.

Similarly, having study buddies for her daughter can create a positive peer pressure to learn. The more study buddies, the better. They can motivate and emulate each other, share knowledge, and make learning more enjoyable. I remember my children were always more productive when they buddied up with friends doing homework.

It's true that managing people is complicated, but peer pressure works like a miracle among children. They have a strong need for belonging, acceptance, and friendship, which, in our case, can be fulfilled by having study buddies.

Peer pressure can be more impactful than parents. Parents just need to make sure they are good pressures. By helping create a supportive and collaborative peer environment for learning, we can harness the power of positive peer pressure to help children thrive.

Encouraging the system of study buddies is a small but significant step towards building a positive peer pressure with a microculture of shared learning and growth. It's also an opportunity for our children to enjoy the support and companionship they need for learning and growing up.

Tomorrow, 6/22, will see the event of 2024 Joint Picnic and Culture Fest at the NJ Overpeck County Park Amphitheater. The organizers of the event include mainly the 33 Chinese college and university alumni associations in Greater New York Area. This event will feature delicious food, live music, performances, games, sports, cultural exhibitions, a raffle gifts, and many other activities. We anticipate over 800 attendees, with more than 100 volunteers involved in the preparation and operation of this event.

When I mentioned the number of volunteers to someone, they asked, "Why do you need so many volunteers? What are you talking about in these meetings?” After explaining the extensive work involved in just one section, they cut me off, saying, "Cut it out. I don't want to listen to it."

Reflecting on my involvement in preparing for the event in the past few months, I deeply appreciate the hard work of all the volunteers. To give you an idea of the scale of this project, our volunteers divided into several sections:

• Design and Coordination
• Sponsors
• Finance
• Advertising
• Security
• Performance
• Stage and Equipment
• Prizes and tickets 
• Food and Meals
• Vendors
• Cultural Corner
• Dating Corner
• Career Corner
• Brain Teaser Games
• Children's Games
• Adult Games
• Alumni Exhibitions
• Transportation
• Photography and record
• Media
• Volunteer Gear
• Purchasing team
• Location decoration 
• Legal Team
• Check-in Team

Each task is managed by a dedicated leader. With over 33 participating alumni associations, each association has a contact person to ensure smooth communication and coordination.

The preparation work is immense and thorough, and I can't imagine completing it without the selfless work and time of our vast volunteer teams. Their commitment to giving their time and energy is truly commendable and essential to making this event a success. As the Chinese saying goes, "人多力量大" (rén duō lì liàng dà – Strength comes from unity). Our volunteers embody this spirit, demonstrating that when many people come together, their combined efforts can achieve remarkable results.

Working behind the scene, I see clearly that our volunteer spirits are the engine and the heartbeat of this event. Our efforts go beyond just tasks and responsibilities; we are building a community, fostering connections, and creating a space where cultures and values can be celebrated and enjoyed by all. Every hour spent, every detail attended to, and every smile shared contributes to its success.

To me, it is more meaningful than an event. It is a celebration of the incredible spirit of volunteerism. Together, we are creating fun and memories, and strengthening the bonds that bring us together — and where every moment is a testament to the power of collective efforts and the glorious spirit of volunteerism that we all value in a community.

Over the past three years as an ESL instructor, I have recorded many interesting stories about my meetings with my students. Below is an entry from November 15, 2023.

My Wednesday meeting with my Korean student was as insightful as ever. This time, she shared a heartwarming story about her daughter’s after-school learning experience.

Each day after school, her daughter attends an academy. When they return home, mother and daughter tackle homework together. Sometimes, the mother pretends not to know a word, asking her daughter to explain it. This clever tactic allows the daughter to step into the teacher's role, fostering a sense of responsibility. When the mother makes mistakes and the daughter assertively insists, "Say it three times," the mother plays along, encouraging her daughter's enthusiasm for teaching.

This approach creates a wonderful dynamic of teamwork and mutual growth. The daughter takes great joy in teaching her mother, and the act of teaching reinforces her own learning. It’s a smart method of instilling responsibility, developing maturity, and boosting leadership skills in a young child.

By involving her daughter in teaching, the mother not only enhances her child's learning experience but also teaches an invaluable lesson in responsibility and self-motivation. This unique mother-daughter collaborative learning demonstrates how learning can be a shared, fun, and enriching experience, where both mother and daughter grow together.

After the meeting, I kept imagining the mother-daughter teacher-play scene. Their collaboration in education exemplifies how learning can be a journey of mutual growth, making the process enjoyable and deeply rewarding for both, and surely will leave a lot of memorable moments.

On Monday, I wrote about bilingualism. My sister and I discussed why Chinese immigrants in America seem more eager than other immigrant groups to assimilate into mainstream American culture.

This conversation took me back to the 1980s when I studied deconstructionism in a literary criticism class and later applied these ideas in an American history class. Although I struggled with some non-English names, I remembered key terms and examples.

One important concept is binary oppositions, such as good and evil, yin and yang, male and female, mainstream and marginal, central and outlier. There is no yin without yang, no good without evil. In these pairs, one is usually privileged over the other, like male over female or main over marginal. Deconstruction aims to subvert this hierarchy by demonstrating how the subordinated term is integral to the privileged term's meaning and how the two are interconnected. For instance, there is yin in yang and yang in yin, making their positions fluid and interchangeable.

Let's apply this idea to the concept of assimilation into mainstream American culture and society. Perhaps we should deconstruct the binary opposition between mainstream and marginal culture. In this pair, mainstream and marginal cultures are interconnected, like yin and yang, and are parts of a whole.

So, what does it mean to assimilate? Does it mean becoming the dominant side of the pair? Speaking perfect English? Completely abandoning one's own minority culture and language to immerse oneself exclusively in "100% American" culture? Raising your kids like an average American family? By the way, what exactly is American mainstream culture? Not eat Chinese food?

If we deconstruct this binary opposition, we see a fluid pair where ethnic minorities like the Chinese and mainstream American culture influence each other. Deconstruction encourages us to be open and inclusive, recognizing the mutual influence and dynamic relationship between different cultures. In fact, deconstruction of binary oppositions helps us see the continuous exchange and mutual enrichment in today's multicultural world.

By practicing deconstruction, we can move beyond rigid notions of assimilation and cultural identity. Instead of viewing cultures as dominant and subordinate forces, we can appreciate the dynamic and evolving interplay between them. This perspective allows us to foster a more inclusive and harmonious society where diverse cultural influences are not only acknowledged but celebrated.

On two occasions yesterday, this saying surfaced in my life: "好汉不提当年勇" (hǎo hàn bù tí dāng nián yǒng): a hero doesn't boast about his past glories.

It's not a good practice for anyone to dwell on his or her past achievements, especially for retirees.

First of all, bragging never digests well in people's stomachs. Remaining humble about one's previous successes is always a strength. No matter how great you were in the past, there's always room for improvement and for continuing to strive for a better you.

Second, self-bragging always implies telling people that we have something in our past that is better than you, that we need to bring it up to impress you. This is disrespectful in conversations and interactions. And remember true strength lies in humility, not in bragging.

Third, honestly, nobody is truly interested in hearing how great you were in the past. Your past laurels are not relevant any more if you stop being that glorious. Psychologists might want to know your past in order to understand your present. I think of Cervantes' novel Don Quixote. There is a pathetic sense of out of touch with the realities.

Fourth, let bygones be bygones. Eye on the present and future. Focus on what you can contribute meaningfully today. Psychologically and mentally, I believe a forward-looking attitude is more healthy than backward-looking one.

Finally, an old hero not mentioning past glories is a sign of maturity, humility, respect, and forward-thinking, with the emphasis on continuous growth and adaptation.

For people of all ages, it's essential to move past whatever past we have endured, knowing that our worth is not solely defined by past achievements but also by ongoing actions and attitudes. e.g. people forget your brilliant college GPA after you turn 25.

More importantly, by focusing on the present and future, we continue to live fully and meaningfully and to inspire those around us.