Yanwen’s blog

A few days ago my sister bought a smart home camera (智能家居摄像机, zhì néng jiā jū shè xiàng jī) so that she can watch her pet while she is away from home. I was thinking of doing the same for my mother but didn't know how it worked. 

After learning to install my sister's camera, I have learned the whole thing. Today I went to a local store to get one for my mother. 

My sister has spent handsomely on her pet, cat playground, cat monitor and surveillance camera. I told my sister, many people consider their pets to be members of their family. As a matter of fact, we are their owners and masters. She looked puzzled. 

Yes, you are the master and owner of your cat, in that, you make all decisions for your pet. From the very beginning you deprived her of the freedom to run outside and have some cat fun. Remember how much she wanted to run outside before and how you domesticated her at home against her will. You made the decision to neutralize her. Ultimately you keep her for your entertainment and not hers.

Of course, as her owner, you are responsible for providing all her needs, food, shelter, toys, healthcare, but you also deprive her of the companionship of her own kind, which she so desires. You have the absolute authority over her.

We keep pets mostly because they fulfill our needs, either emotional or psychological or financial needs. One of my relatives breeds exotic cats and makes money by selling them.

The nature of the owner-pet relationship is complex. They become dependent on us after being domesticated. Ideally, the owner could appreciate the personalities and preferences of their pets, even though they don't enjoy the same level of autonomy as their owners.

Today I went to a sing-along place with two college classmates. After I got back, my sister asked me, was it boring for you to go there? You can't sing because you are off-pitch. So many times in the past that someone close to me told me that I was born incapable of singing. Someone told me it's a torture to hear me sing. That was the time I tried my hand at a music instrument or learn to whistle. 

Singing benefits us emotionally, physically and mentally.

First, when you feel stressed, singing has been shown to reduce levels of stress hormones like cortisol and increase the production of endorphins.

Second, when you feel sad and down, singing cheers you up by releasing dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, leading to an uplifted mood.

Third, singing can boost your immune system. Singing has been linked to increased levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps protect against infections.

Fourth, singing can boost up your courage and self-confidence when you overcome self-consciousness and performing in front of others.

Fifth, singing can help senior folks maintain cognitive function and reduce the risk of cognitive decline with age.

Sixth, singing is an emotional expression, allowing you to express yourself emotionally and creatively.

Seventh, most importantly, singing is fun and enjoyment, a pleasure to have.

Singing is a holistic activity that nourishes the mind, body, and soul. When a child is told to stop singing because of lack of talent, she is deprived of all the benefits plus the fun and enjoyment and the pleasure that should be part of her life.

Finally, surrounding yourself with encouraging and positive words and influences can make a world of difference in nurturing your confidence and allowing your inner music to flow and flourish.

About a college classmate of mine, I know she has a rather dominant personality, still I never expect to hear such a drama about her from my friend.

Here's the story. Once her elder son came home for Christmas with his wife. On the Christmas Eve, under the watching eyes and anxious expectation of all, the elder son opened the gift boxes -- one, two, three, four, all went to his wife. Unable to hold her disappointment anymore, the mother, without waiting till the end of the unwrapping, threw into a long towering rage, denouncing her son 娶了媳妇忘了娘 (qǔ le xífù wàng le niáng), meaning "After marrying a wife, the man forgets his mother."

The young couple lived in New York, an hour away from his parents. After that event they moved to the west coast. According to my friend, the young couple wants to live as far from his parents as possible, which seems like a huge rift between the parents and their elder son. 

I can understand the disappointment of the mother, though a bit dramatic, out of her high expectations regarding familial relationships and feeling being sidelined by her son.

Still, I think the mother is solely responsible for this rift. If the mother cares so much about this, she should clearly communicate her feeling and expectations, e.g. "Son, can I have my gift first?" I clearly tell my children, "I have everything. Don't buy anything for me."

Secondly, the young man already has his family. He has all the rights to take care of his own family first. He can even choose not to be with his parents' family during Christmas holidays. Be grateful for his visit.

Thirdly, the story underscores the complexities inherent in familial dynamics, as well as the crucial role of communication, understanding, and empathy across generations and cultures.

Finally, the young couple's decision to move far away from the parents not only is a drastic reaction to the dominant parent but also demonstrates a strong desire for independence and autonomy. Great for them! Perhaps the geographical distance helps resolve any conflicts between them.

I mentioned my meeting with an old friend yesterday. She has her ups and downs in life. Still, she keeps smiling and joking and attributes her success to her having good luck. It's so inspiring and contagious to be around an optimistic person.

Her overly optimistic outlook and positive attitude stand out in contrast to some of my friends' tendencies to complain and blame external factors for their own misfortunes or for everything bad. One of them starts complaining every time she opens her mouth.

Very often we don't get to choose how the world should be operated or how others should behave. All we can do is to accept the way the world works and focus on what we can do within our reach. Complaining is not only futile but also weakening our will to be responsible humans.

When we complain and blame others, we play the role of a victim, the weak part, making excuses for ourselves, taking no ownership of our action, and seeking sympathy and comfort from others.

We are who we are because of our habits. Our habitual way of thinking and acting shapes our neural networks, enables us to see the world in certain fixed way. Similarly, when we keep playing victim every day, the victim mentality is gradually built into our brain over time, making us believe that we are powerless and helpless, and others are responsible for anything bad happens to us.

So, keep in mind that we are training our neural networks with the way we think and act everyday. Choose the positive mindset and optimistic outlook to empower us. Choosing to focus on the bright sides of life can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

I met up with an old friend of mine today. We were together in high school in Tianjin, college in Beijing and then graduate school in the U.S. We talked nonstop for hours. She told me this event when she was in America in 1980s. She told an American friend that she was considering of pursuing a Ph.D after getting her Master degree, that American asked her, "Is it because you want to stay longer in the United States?" I was speechless upon hearing this. She still remembers the conversation even after nearly 40 years.

Here’s a few words on my Metablog. I told my sister that I wrote a short blog daily. She was wondering, what do you get from this? Initially, I made a promise on my new year resolution, even if it may not provide immediate tangible benefits.

As days go by, I try to give some meanings to this activity. Perhaps the act of writing daily can serve some personal purpose, such as self-expression, self-reflection, sharing with family and friends, or simply the satisfaction of sticking to a promise. Even without a large audience, the process of writing and sharing thoughts can be fulfilling in itself.

Additionally, it makes a huge sense to keep up writing when considering the low cost of maintaining it, both in terms of time and resources, as compared to the potential benefits it may bring in terms of personal growth and connection with family and friends.

Ultimately, I keep reminding myself that the value of daily writing definitely goes beyond its readership size or any external rewards. It is up to each of us to constantly give meanings to our life's experience. It matters as long as we find it meaningful and life-fulfilling.