Yanwen’s blog

When I was in Beijing, I often took a walk in the evening with my sister. We often met people on the street. My sister commented, I bet there aren't that many people on the street in America.

I told her, here are the differences between walking outside in two countries. First, in America I never go out alone after dinner, especially in New York City. Safety is my top concern when it's dark. Second, true some places are very empty, too much so that you wish to see a human around, especially in Kansas.

Third, there is something very annoying, even agonizing and damaging in America that you seldom see in Beijing, that is, lawn mowing. Today is Monday, the worst day to go out in our neighborhood. You bump into one of them no matter where you turn. It's ear-deafening and air-toxic.

American lifestyle is definitely extravagant, non-sustainable and environmentally damaging due to the air and noice pollution caused by lawn care activities. The high-maintenance lawns pollute the air as much as the car.

According to Princeton University Climate Action team, America has over 40 million acres of land covered by lawn. The gasoline powered lawn mowing machines and lawn fertilizers contribute significantly to carbon emissions. Americans should consider alternatives for the structure of their lawn. I saw this alternative in many parks in Beijing, where they grow low maintenance tall grass.

It almost seems hopeless to make a change to some entrenched societal norms and consumer behavior like lawn structure in America, especially when it involved colossal profits for businesses. It takes a combination of technology advances, regulatory changes and a collective will to bring about changes in consumer behavior and lawn structure, like using electric lawn mower, or having regulatory enforcement prohibiting gas machines.

As it is now, most Americans are blissfully ignorant about this simple fact. The world has no reason to be optimistic on this.

While I was with my children yesterday, I noticed my daughter's hair getting longer. She used to keep her hair short and cute. I asked her if she needed a haircut. She said she's going to let it grow this time. Her boyfriend likes her long hair.

One adult said, let it grow. I like your long hair, it's confusing for girls to wear boyish haircut. People would wonder, are you a boy or a girl?

I said, doesn't matter, short hair makes it easy in hot summer, low maintenance at least. My son said, I go with whatever style you decide for yourself.

At first I thought my son had the most commendable reaction to the hairstyle argument, probably due to his position at work, making no judgment on people's appearance and personal choices.

Later that day when I think about it, I realize as a parent, first of all, my son's reaction reflects a respectful and open-minded attitude toward personal choice and individual expression. He recognizes that it's ultimately her decision how she chooses her hairstyle.

Secondly, he is non-judgmental and accepting of diversity in personal style, instead of imposing his own preferences or societal norms onto others. 

Thirdly, his response demonstrates a deep empathy towards my daughter's feelings and desires, acknowledging the importance of her boyfriend's opinion without dismissing her own preferences or comfort.

Respect, empathy, non-judgmental, and giving supports to her choice -- I think parents can learn something here regarding children’s choice, so that children can feel empowered to express themselves authentically without the fear of being judged or criticized. 

Ultimately, this will help nurturing a feeling of belonging and acceptance within the family.

Saturday I met my children, first time since I got back. As always, we had a good time together. They had many questions regarding my folks in Beijing.

When I told them that I didn't see the girlfriend of my sister's son, they asked me why. I gave them a few reasons: she's been busy or we are not really related since they are not married yet or it is too expensive to pay a visit to the elder or she feels that she has no reason to directly seek me out, especially if there's no clear purpose or if it may be perceived as disrupting my routine life.

Chinese culture has this hierarchical nature of relationships, where elders are typically given with a high level of respect and deference. Intergenerational relationships are dynamic and complex within Chinese culture. There's plenty of emphasis on the importance of respect for elders and the nuances of social etiquette.

Normally young people would initiate a meeting when they need advice, guidance, or assistance from the elder. This is to seek out the elder's counsel, especially if the elder is famous and successful. I am not that elder.

On the other hand, very few young people realize that even the smallest, seemingly careless gesture of care shown by the young towards their elders will be cherished and remembered fondly. Because that doesn't happen often.

In Chinese, 年轻人的不经意的一点表示, 都会被长辈们深深记住 （Niánqīng rén de bù jīngyì de yīdiǎn biǎoshì dōuhuì bèi zhǎngbèi men shēnshēn jì zhù).

A friend of mine pointed out a a missing piece in my story yesterday. Here's the comment: “说到底，他们还是有父母给他们兜底的一代。他们有的心理上的支持，我们这一代人是完全没有的。我们要考虑上一代，考虑自己，还要考虑下一代。他们顶不济了，老人还会给他们留下一些钱，还会给他们留至少一套房产。这就是他们的底气” 

That is, in the final analysis, young people today can enjoy life free from care at a young age because of the safety net provided by their parents. If they can't make ends meet, they can always turn to their parents who have more than enough now. Moreover they will most likely inherit a property. They have the full financial support from their parents. In contrast, our generation had to take care of the welfare of three generations: ours, that of our parents and the next generation.

This is mostly true. I know many young people travel abroad during the May First holiday, including my sister's son and his girlfriend. Another reason is young people today are paid hugely more now than before. I remember my first pay check from China Daily was ¥65, right off the college in 1982. I stopped getting even a penny from my parents since then. Instead I started giving back to them as soon as I could.

The contrast makes me think of disparities, or one disparity leading to another. One's life experience depends so much on his socio-economic status and family background. That is, people with abundance of financial support have opportunities to enjoy life from very young age. Those without may face challenges and constraints that limit their chance to more experiences in life and access to resources to thrive later in life.

The most meaningful of it all is the generational differences in China provide context on China's transformative journey since 1980s. With the increasing prosperity and stability that many families in China enjoy today, millions of Chinese parents today can provide greater opportunities and support for their children, which was not even in the wildest dream among older generations.

On my way from Beijing to Brussels, I had an interesting encounter with a young man of my daughter’s age. He sat on my left. He was going to Europe during the May 1st holiday. He seems very pro in the way he handles his travel agenda. We exchanged information and also WeChat contact.

He received his bachelor degree in China and a master in Britain, now working in a government agency in Beijing, being comfortably paid so he can enjoy travels like this. He is single, which he thinks is a good thing so he has the bachelor's freedom to travel whenever he has time like this. He has friends in Belgium. Together they are going to visit some European cities.

The young man's approach to travel sharply contrasts with my own experiences when I was his age. Back then, my focus was on saving for safety and postponing enjoyment until retirement.

It's fascinating to learn how young generation today embrace the opportunities presented to them. They truly live up to the guiding principle of Carpe diem or the philosophy of living life to the fullest.

It is always refreshing to intersect with people of different generations, backgrounds and outlook on life. I feel encouraged and inspired learning how they take time to enrich their life experience whether it's through travel, education, or personal pursuits.