Yanwen’s blog

We grew up watching movies like Walter Defends Sarajevo (瓦尔特保卫萨拉热窝), which depicts the brave Yugoslav fighters defending their homeland toward the end of World War II.

My heart is overwhelmed with profound nostalgia when I think of that movie and Yugoslavia at that time. China was relatively isolated then, with few friends in the world. What happened to the federal republic of Yugoslavia led by its strong leader Josip Tito?

In Chinese, there is a famous saying: 分久必合，合久必分 (fēn jiǔ bì hé, hé jiǔ bì fēn) — Unity will inevitably prevail after a prolonged separation, and a long period of unity will inevitably lead to separation. This describes the cyclical nature of Chinese history.

Are we seeing the same cycle in Southeast Europe? Perhaps. The former Yugoslavia went through significant social, ethnic, and political turmoil after the death of its great leader Tito, influenced by both internal conflicts and outside forces.

First, in every society, there are two forces at work: one for unity and another for separation. When the force for unity prevails, you have a united nation. Otherwise, you see a fragmented one like the former Yugoslavia.

Second, most of these shifts have historically been accomplished through war, with a few modern-day exceptions like the peaceful dissolution of the Soviet Union.

Third, internal factors are often the determining forces. As the saying goes, the easiest way to capture a castle is from within. The enemy within is the most dangerous.

President Lincoln echoed this sentiment when he said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Reflecting on the past, it becomes clear that the surest way to secure national unity is through internal cohesion and cooperation.

Ultimately, the cycles of unity and separation teach us that the internal strength of any entity, whether a nation or an organization or even a family, lies in its ability to foster internal solidarity while withstanding external pressures.

A few days ago, I read two pieces of news about India on the same day. The first headline read, "North India Boils as Temperatures Near 50C," while the second stated, "Google to Make Pixel Phones and Drones in India."

The extreme heat in India reminds me of the Sahara Desert in North Africa and many other parts of the African continent. Both regions are exposed to a wide range of climates, including intense heat and heavy rain seasons. Both have also experienced long periods of colonization by Western powers.

However, as it is now, most parts of the African continent remain far less developed compared to India. Google and Apple never consider having their factories in Africa. Several factors contribute to this disparity in development between India and many African countries.

First of all, India is one of the four ancient civilizations in the world, with a longstanding cultural emphasis on education, very much similar to China. Indian culture sees education as a means to achieve social mobility, economic stability, and social status. Indian families invest heavily in their children's education, just as Chinese families do.

India has a long history of learning and valuing education, with many renowned centers of learning like the ancient University of Taxila. The colonial legacy also plays a role; during British colonial rule, a formal education system was established with English as the medium of instruction. This has resulted in a large English-speaking population, which is advantageous in the global economy.

Moreover, post-independence, the Indian government implemented policies to promote education, leading to significant increases in literacy rates and the establishment of numerous higher education institutions. 

India's focus on STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) education has particularly driven its integration into the global economy, contributing to sectors like information technology and pharmaceuticals.

In conclusion, the comparison between India and many African countries underscores the transformative power of culture that emphasizes education. While historical, cultural, and political contexts differ, the cultural value on education can serve as a catalyst for India's economic growth and societal advancement. 

Perhaps one of the challenges facing some underdeveloped countries is how to foster a culture that values learning as much as India.

When I was in Beijing, I went out with my youngest sister every evening. Yesterday, I asked her if she still did it after dinner. “No. I don’t feel like it now that I’m alone,” she replied. She is living by herself now.

Nature has its way of aging us if we allow inertia to take charge and always take the path of least resistance. When we exercise to postpone aging, we are essentially going uphill against nature. A tough task. It takes both a strong will and self-discipline to exercise and stay fit every day.

When I worked at the KU Cancer Center, I read about morbidity and mortality of cancer by race in the U.S. Some racial groups experience higher rates than others. Besides genetic factors, lifestyle likely plays a key role. A healthy lifestyle includes both healthy eating and regular exercise.

Maintaining an exercise routine is a testament to our willpower. My daily routine includes swimming, walking and working with dumbbells. 

Despite the natural inclination to stay put and the temptation of inertia, choosing to stay active is a deliberate and willful effort to defy the natural inactivity and achieve overall well-being.

Strong will power is the prerequisite to a strong body. We need will power to discipline ourselves and to eat healthy, exercise regularly and to keep away from addictions.

My mother is famous for telling the truth, at least to me. I always practice with dumbbells while video chatting with my family. Yesterday, my mother saw my upper arms and commented, "You practice dumbbells all the time, but your arm flesh still looks like butterfly wings."

I can interpret this comment in many ways. It could imply that my efforts are futile, or, as I told her, it might mean that without my practice, my arms would have nothing but skin and bones. And also I need to practice more. She agreed with my interpretation.

From this, I think about how language is an art, and how parents can use it to influence their children. The way parents communicate every day can have a strong impact on their children.

This also brings back many of my growing-up experiences. As a late bloomer with a speech impediment, I grew up with two precocious and eloquent sisters. Our relatives often showered praise and compliments on them, never sharing any with me. It’s amazing that I was so resilient and always bounced back from disappointments.

This simple interaction with my mother highlights the power of words and the importance of mindful communication. Parents' words can significantly impact their children's self-esteem and motivation.

First of all, be unambiguously positive as much as you can.

Second, if you want to be truthful, give constructive feedback. Throwing negative comments only is not a responsible feedback. Also, deliver it with care, support, and encouragement.

Finally, mindful communication is key to building strong, healthy relationships with our children. With positive language and constructive feedback, parents can greatly influence their children's development and self-esteem, helping them grow into confident and resilient individuals.

Yesterday I read an article published at HuffPost site, written by a Chinese girl growing up in Hong Kong.

The article has this title: "My Parents Expect Me To Take Care Of Them And I Don't Know What To Do About It" and it starts with this "Even though this is common in Chinese culture, I have mixed feelings about it."

The author continues along the same mood, "Children are expected to give back to the parents when they reach adulthood by providing monthly allowances to show 'Filial Piety,' a deeply ingrained core value in the Chinese culture which describes respect for one’s parents."

The author's tendency to overgeneralize her particular Hong Kong case makes her lose credibility here. I remember one writer wrote about a Chinese village in 1930s, giving readers the impression that this is what the entire China is about.

The author continues sharing a long litany of her grievances against her parents, highlighting all the ways she felt that her parents had failed her as parents.

I understand that she has every right to complain about the poor parenting that she suffered. She must have a strong emotional and psychological need to pour out her feelings. And writing and sharing it publicly can be a way to find support and validation from others who might have something similar. Also, she might hope to raise awareness about the challenges of growing up with the kind of cultural values that she calls "filial piety."

Perhaps her parents deserve what they get by having their daughter write publicly about how much she suffered at her parents' home.

While I understand her strong urge to let out her grievances and feel sorry for her, I still believe what she has done should be a last resort when dealing with family problems. 

Ideally, open and honest communication within the family should come first. I don't think she has considered how her parents felt if they could read what she wrote about them.

As a parent, if my child went on the internet and shared with the world her suffering from my parenting, without first discussing it with me, I would feel a profound sense of failure, guilt, hurt, betrayal, like a nightmare.

It's crucial for families to foster environments where issues can be talked about openly, directly and respectfully between children and the parents, so that the children would not feel the need to go public about how bad their parents are.