Yanwen’s blog

We took a long walk on Sunday morning before the heat became intense. During our walk, my daughter and I discussed the challenges we are currently facing.

I told her that I came to the United States when I was her age, starting from scratch. If I hadn't come, I would have a very different life, perhaps an easier one without the challenge of facing a new culture and language. As your brother said to you, "If Mom and Dad didn't come to the U.S., you wouldn't be here at all." They know all about China's one-child policy before 2015.

As the second generation of immigrants, she faces different challenges, but they are much easier than what we faced before. I recited this phrase for her again: 雄关漫道真如铁，而今迈步从头越, the long and arduous road ahead is indeed like iron obstacles, but now we take our first steps to start anew.

This phrase acknowledges that the obstacles ahead are hard as iron, but it also highlights that our determination is stronger. It expresses a resolve to start anew and overcome these obstacles.

My daughter quit her job in 2021 and was courageous enough to follow a path more risky and less taken. I told her to remember these words. In a broader sense, this phrase means that although the path forward may be tough, with steadfastness and a fresh beginning, she can overcome any obstacle, stronger than iron.

A young couple we know are nearing the age commonly considered “over the hill.” They are the first generation of immigrants here, with two small children. They now face enormous tasks settling here compared to the second-generation ABCs (American-Born Chinese).

For my daughter and my young friends, I'd like to remind them to keep up the youthful spirit and aspirations they were so full of when they were fresh out of college. This spirit is super valuable as it keeps us curious and open-minded, steadfast in moving forward. Don’t let go of this youthful spirit and become jaded and lose steam over time.

As we finished our walk, we felt a renewed sense of hope for the future. Despite the challenges that lie ahead, I am confident that she and my young friends will follow their new path with renewed confidence and determination. Just as I once embarked on my journey with resolve, they too will forge their own way, embracing each step with renewed courage and strength.

We traveled to Brooklyn yesterday via New York Public Transit and will be here for a week. Inside the subway, I was reminded of our recent visit to the Museum of New York Transit. From the museum pictures, it felt as if not much had changed in the past century.

The NYC transit system, which began construction in 1900, is one of the oldest and most extensive in the world. It has played a crucial role in the city's growth and development, holding significant historical and cultural value. However, its age means much of the infrastructure is outdated and in dire need of substantial repairs and modernization.

My Korean student mentioned that many of her colleagues were shocked when they first experienced the NYC subway. They expected a modern infrastructure in a wealthy city like New York. In fact, many public transit systems in China are far more advanced compared to New York's.

According to my research, the world’s oldest metro system is the London Underground, which opened in 1863. The world’s longest metro network is the Beijing Subway, spanning 815.2 kilometers (506.5 miles). The world’s busiest metro system is the Shanghai Metro, with 2.83 billion annual trips.

The cost of maintaining and upgrading the NYC subway system is enormous, requiring strong government funding. My Korean student once asked why the wealthiest city in the world doesn't have the resources to modernize its subway system. I explained that it's a matter of prioritization.

Currently, New York City is grappling with more pressing issues than upgrading its infrastructure, such as the housing crisis, homelessness, high crime, and the need to provide shelter and food for a large number of migrants in recent years.

In the hustle and bustle of New York, with numerous visitors from around the world, the subway remains a vital lifeline for millions. It’s literally a living museum, carrying strong echoes of the past while navigating the challenges of the present.

As we ride these historic century-old relics, not without fear of their collapse, it’s a reminder that progress often comes at a cost. The future of the city’s transit will depend on how well the past can serve future passengers and how long it can run without meeting its end. When the system finally reaches its breaking point, it will undoubtedly become a top priority in NYC's budget.

I recently came across the heartbreaking news of a 30-year-old employee of China International Capital Corporation (CICC) who took her own life. Speculations abound regarding the factors leading to this tragedy: salary cuts, financial strain from mortgage obligations, losses due to housing depreciation in Shanghai, and the burden of postpartum depression.

This young woman had a remarkable past marked by outstanding academic achievements and significant experience in foreign exchange at work. Her life had been relatively smooth, void of hardships. And she harbored high aspirations for the future. She had never encountered substantial setbacks or experienced the unpredictability of life's ups and downs.

While there are many speculations about the specific event that may have been the tipping point, I believe the core issue lies in her psychological instability and fragility and lack of mental and psychological preparation for such challenges.

In reflecting on this tragedy, many Chinese sayings come to mind. I think we’re in a hard time now, no exceptions for most of us. In times like this, this saying captures the attitude and the spirit that we should have: 逢山开路，遇水架桥 (féng shān kāi lù, yù shuǐ jià qiáo) meaning: "If you meet a mountain blocking your way, dig a tunnel; if you encounter a river blocking your way, build a bridge."

This saying encourages us to face obstacles head-on with courage and creativity — whether by carving a path through mountains or building bridges over rivers. It speaks to the resilience needed to navigate life's hardships and the importance of finding constructive solutions.

Finally, this unfortunate event should remind us of the importance of mental health awareness and support in society. It calls for greater empathy and understanding towards those facing difficulties, urging us all to develop resilience and seek help when needed.

Wednesday a friend of mine from Kansas contacted me about her son's college application this coming fall.

The boy always got the highest grades in his school. But when I asked her about extracurricular activities, academic competitions, and summer internships, there wasn't much to mention. When I asked her about the kid's interest and passions, she knows none.

It turns out they live in a small town in Missouri, populated mostly by what she described as "red-neck folks." The school counselor is not very involved in students' academic futures, and the peer pressure in such an environment is not academically oriented.

When I asked why they didn't move to the Blue Valley school district, known for its excellent counselors and rich resources, she said she doesn’t want to be a tiger mom. She prefers a laissez-faire approach to parenting, describing herself as a "sheep mom."

I think she conflates two different things: (1) parenting style and (2) providing the best resources for her child. It’s perfectly acceptable to adopt a laissez-faire parenting style, allowing children the freedom to explore and discover their passions. However, it is a disservice to the child if we can provide more opportunities for exploration and discovery but choose not to.

Children born and raised in environments with limited resources are at a disadvantage compared to those with plenty.

This reminds me of another friend who moved to an apartment near Shawnee Mission East High School for her daughter. They previously lived in downtown Kansas City, an area with a high concentration of low-income workers and limited resources. The move, which doubled their rent, was worth it because their daughter thrived in the new environment, eventually attending college and becoming a senior manager at a company in Dallas.

Here’s another one. A study in the U.S found that children in poor families hear about 600 words per hour, while those in professional families hear 2,100 words. This gap accumulates to a difference of 30 million words by the time the children reach age 3, resulting in a huge disparity in cognitive development. Consequently, there later established the “30 Million Words Initiative” to encourage more communication between parents and children. The study underscores the importance of a rich growing up environment.

This situation brings to mind the story of Meng Mu, who moved three times for her son’s education, known as 孟母三迁 (Meng Mu San Qian).

The essence of it all is: it's not about being a tiger mom or a sheep mom; it's about ensuring the children have the best opportunities that we can provide to grow and succeed. By doing so, we can help them achieve their fullest potential without compromising their happiness.

Today is the Fourth of July. Yesterday, I noticed American flags hanging on some people's doors. Naturally, the flag brings to mind concepts like patriotism, independence, freedom from British rule, and other patriotic elements.

In my mind, patriotism shares some similarities with religion. Both rely on symbols, such as flags and religious icons, which people hold sacred, and rituals, like national anthems and religious ceremonies, through which they express their beliefs and values.

Both patriotism and religious belief often involve heavy emotional attachment and enthusiasm. People can feel a strong sense of pride, loyalty, and identity in their country or faith.

Moreover, both entail a certain level of blind or uncritical acceptance. With that, people embrace religious or national narratives or myths from authorities without question. While some criticize blind faith in religious doctrines, they should also see the same dose of blindness in patriotic fervor. Both religious and patriotic emotions can run amok, leading to extreme behaviors and uncritical acceptance of authority.

The extreme expression of patriotic fervor is nationalism, which can lead to aggression towards other nations, as in the case of Nazi Germany.

Patriotism is laudable in most cases. As we celebrate the Fourth of July, we should remember that being patriotic with critical thinking might prevent blindness.

Another thing happened yesterday. We went to Costco with a young couple and their brand-new baby. The baby boy reminds me of my son at that age.

Back then, we had a Jewish friend named Debra. Her husband was a visiting professor from Madison, Wisconsin. Debra's sister had tried but was unable to have a baby. One day, she looked at my son and said, “My sister would give a million for your beautiful baby. I’m serious.” We were living on graduate student TA stipends. I was working on my dissertation, but I wouldn't give up my baby for any amount of money.

This experience I want to share with my young friends: 前途是光明，道路是曲折 (qián tú shì guāng míng, dào lù shì qū zhé) – "The future is bright, but the road is full of hardships."

As we reflect on our national pride and personal journeys, it’s important to remember that both require perseverance, critical thinking, a clear head, and a strong sense of values. Just as the forefathers of this country fought for independence with hope and resilience, we too must navigate the complexities of life with wisdom and unwavering dedication to what truly matters in the long run. In the end, both our personal and national stories are better written by the challenges we conquer and the great personal qualities with which we confront them and embody.