Yanwen’s blog

Yesterday, something interesting happened at the oath-taking ceremony. First, applicants were asked questions like, "Are you affiliated with any terrorist or communist organization?"

Secondly, among the 60-plus new citizens, the majority appeared to hail from south of the border, with few Asians and almost no white individuals. This demographic distribution may reflect broader trends in the U.S. immigration patterns, signaling a notable shift from historically Europe to today's South and Central America.

Moreover, the primary drivers of human migration remain the same: economic and social factors, elucidating the greater influx from the poor South and Central America compared to the rich countries in Europe.

During my stay at my son's home this week, I delved into the novel How Much of These Hills Is Gold by C Pam Zhang. The narrative weaves a tale of two orphaned Chinese-American girls amidst the 1840s Gold Rush, blending fiction with a realistic historical backdrop.

Both the novel and the oath-taking experience resonate deeply with the immigrant journey. They evoke familiar themes in the lives of today's immigrants: being drawn to this land by the promise of prosperity akin to the gold mountain, the ache of homesickness, encounters with diverse forms of discrimination, maintaining cultural heritage from their homeland, and the perennial question, “What makes a home a home?” in a land where they both grow up and feel estranged.

A Chinese proverb aptly captures the immigrant experience: 背井离乡 (bèi jǐng lí xiāng), leave one's home village, evoking the sense of leaving behind one's home in search for a better life, facing hardships, and longing for a new home. This encapsulates the emotional journey endured by generations of immigrants on this land.

The quest for a better life has historically driven migration, still persisting as a powerful motivation today. Yet, this journey is often marked by profound and often unexpected challenges.

As the country embraces new citizens, let us honor and listen to their immigration stories, especially today, celebrating their enduring spirit in the pursuit of a place they can call home.

We went oath-taking ceremony today.

I have long admired Munro's ability to weave intricate narratives that delve deep into the human emotions and conditions. However, recent revelations about her personal life have left me with a sense of ambivalence. 

Munro, famous for her literary achievements including the 2013 Nobel Prize in Literature, also grappled with complexities in her personal relationships that challenge our perceptions of her as a writer and as a decent person.

I have a troubled feeling about Munro from a parenting perspective. Alice Munro was not a typical mother; in a sense, one might argue she shouldn't have been a mother at all, despite having four children. She described herself as having ambivalent feelings about motherhood and did not adhere to conventional moral principles that uphold motherhood as a sacred duty.

She did not willingly choose motherhood but felt compelled to become a mother due to societal pressures and norms of her era. Up to this point, one might feel sympathy for her, considering her limited life choices at the time. 

However, once she had children, the primary maternal instinct to protect her brood should have kicked in. In that regard, she failed, and I find it difficult to forgive.

Her youngest daughter, Andrea Robin Skinner, when she was 9 years old, was sexually abused by her stepfather, Munro's second husband. Her mother, Alice Munro, decided to side and stay with her second husband. I would feel a deep sense of betrayal and injustice, if I were her daughter. Like, hey mom, I trust you would protect me but you didn't.

Children belong to a vulnerable population due to their dependence on parents for care, protection, and guidance. When a mother fails to protect her child from severe harm, especially in cases of sexual abuse, it raises serious concerns about her parental responsibility. This failure calls into question her role as a protector and caregiver.

Protecting one's child from any harm is a fundamental part of parenting, and failure of this responsibility can result in significant emotional and psychological damage to the child.

In the case of Alice Munro, what happened can be seen as a breach of the trust, care and protection that are essential to the parent-child relationship, resulting in her daughter's lifelong suffering from this. This I can't forgive.

Today marks the 37th anniversary of my father's passing. He passed away before reaching age 58. My sisters in Beijing are going to have dumplings to remember the day. We talked a lot about getting the most out of our lives.

Yesterday, a friend of mine recommended a book on longevity: Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity by Peter Attia and Bill Gifford. I wish my father could have lived long enough to benefit from this book.

The book provides a blueprint for a longer and better life, focusing on exercise, nutrition, sleep, and emotional/mental health. The authors claim that no other longevity drug is more potent than exercise. They discuss at length the benefits of exercise, noting that those who exercise regularly live a decade longer than sedentary seniors and that we should strive to be athletes for life.

Exercise reduces the risk of all Four Horsemen: heart disease, cancer, neurodegenerative disease, and type 2 diabetes and related metabolic dysfunction. It boosts your metabolism, making your body run healthier and better at repairing itself.

Related to exercise is the importance of maintaining muscle mass. By the time people reach age 80, they will have lost 40% of their muscle mass compared to when they were 20. The speed of muscle loss increases with age, and the older you get, the harder it is to gain muscle.

Therefore, the earlier you start building and accumulating muscle, the better. The authors compare muscle accumulation to saving money for retirement: start saving when you're young so that you have money to spend when you retire. Similarly, start building your muscle mass when you are young so you have muscle to rely on in old age.

It's the same logic. Just as you can't wait until you are 65 to start saving for retirement, you can't wait until you are old to start exercising. The earlier you start both, the better; the more you save for old age, the longer these resources will serve you.

If you don't have the strength to enjoy physical activities or the things you love, you will lose your zest for life.

A Chinese saying: 未雨绸缪 (wèi yǔ chóu móu): "to take precautions before it rains," emphasizing the importance of planning and preparing in advance, especially in saving.

Reflecting on my father's early passing and the insights from the book Outlive, I'm keenly aware of the profound importance of taking proactive actions, starting young and early, towards a longer and healthier life.

By honoring the memories of those we've lost, we will ensure that we live our lives to the fullest. Let us commit to building strong, healthy habits today, so that we can enjoy a vibrant and fulfilling life.

My meeting with my Korean student last Sunday gave me some homework to ponder.

This summer has been particularly stressful for her, with concerns about her husband's job situation and her father's health in Korea. She mentioned that she plans to return to South Korea for 10 days if her husband receives a job offer this summer.

Given these pressures, when I asked about her daughter's summer reading plan, she apologized profusely for not having started. Her 9-year-old daughter doesn’t like reading, making it a bit of a headache to encourage her.

Needless to say, reading is crucial for everyone, especially children. Equally important is parental involvement in helping children develop good habits. While I reminded her that half of the summer has already passed and we need to get going soon, I am also fully aware of her current challenges.

We have previously discussed the importance of reading for a child's cognitive development, language skills, and academic success, as well as the role of parental involvement in developing good habits. This seems to be a common problem many of us face: we know we should do it, still we keep delaying the start.

With children's reading, perhaps we can begin by designating a specific space for reading, creating a make-believe fairyland-like reader's world that is fun-filled and less intimidating, making it a visible part of the child's daily routine.

Second, as with everything good or bad, parents leading by example is crucial. Children are more likely to read if they see their parents doing it. When my son was little, I was working on my dissertation. I often took him to our university library, which proved very impactful on him. When I taught the word 图书馆 (tú shū guǎn) library. He learned it fast because he (his nickname) is inside the square library building.

Third, try reading aloud or taking turns reading aloud with the child. It is a fun performance. This interactive reading not only improves reading skills but also makes reading a fun. I remember my daughter reading Halloween books, imitating ghosts talking.

Fourth, this is very important! Discuss what they read, ask questions about the characters and plot. This helps develop critical thinking and reading comprehension. Ask immediately after reading. Get into the habit of reflecting what just happens.

By incorporating these small but meaningful chats after reading, we can make a significant impact on our children’s reading habits and overall development. Talking with children after each reading plays the role of 四两拨千斤 (sì liǎng bō qiān jīn), "using four ounces to move a thousand pounds." This means that a little effort in engaging with them can lead to tremendous results in their cognitive and emotional growth. 

In fostering a love for reading, we’re not just opening books; we’re opening minds and hearts to a world of knowledge and imagination. Let’s embark on this journey together, knowing that each page turned and every conversation had are a step toward a brighter, more enriched future for our children.

A few days ago, I caught up with a friend of mine in Kansas who had just returned from a trip home to China. It was her first visit in five years, timed perfectly for her father's 80th birthday. Needless to say, her parents were thrilled to see her, and she was equally excited.

She shared with me that her visit reaffirmed what she had read in a Harvard University study: people's happiness largely stems from relationships.

Curious, I looked up the study titled, "What the Longest Study on Human Happiness Found is the Key to a Good Life." It concluded that good relationships lead to health and happiness. This resonated with me and made me think a lot about its implications for parenting.

Many well-meaning parents aspire for their children to lead happy lives. However, they often overlook the importance of teaching their children how to cultivate and maintain good human relationships. While they focus mostly on academics, sports, going to the best colleges, and other skills, the social and emotional competencies crucial for happiness are frequently neglected.

I think this oversight is likely due to a lack of awareness about the critical role that good relationships play in creating happiness.

So, how can parents incorporate the teaching of relationship-building into their parenting? I don't have all the answers, but I would recommend a common-sense approach: lead by example. Children learn best by observing their parents.

Parents can demonstrate how to maintain healthy relationships through their own peaceful interactions and communication within the family, compromise, mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. Open and effective communication to resolve conflicts, instead of resorting to yelling, is also crucial.

By modeling these behaviors, parents can impart the essential social and emotional skills their children need to build fulfilling relationships and, ultimately, lead happy lives.

Of course, the most direct way is to teach good practices to the children. I remember teaching my son when he was in high school, "Don't raise your voice at girls. Respect girls." Or, "When someone yells at you, tell him 有理不在声高 (yǒu lǐ bù zài shēng gāo)," meaning "Reason lie not in him who speaks the loudest."

In conclusion, I believe, if happiness is what we want for our children, the greatest gift we can give them is the ability to develop and nurture mature and meaningful relationships. This will lay a foundation not only for creating happiness but also equipping them with the resilience and empathy needed to meet life's challenges. You never know who you will encounter on your life's journey.

As parents, leading by example is the most powerful tool we have to instill these values in our children, ensuring their journey through life is both happy, healthy and fulfilling.