Yanwen’s blog

Friday I overheard a conversation between two retired people:

"Have a nice weekend!"

"Well, every day is a weekend for us."

"Yeah, still some days you feel like Monday."

This exchange intrigued me. How can one feel like it's Monday when retirement dissolves the structured workweek?

I asked around for insights. Some suggested that even in retirement, responsibilities and tasks like appointments can bring stress reminiscent of workdays. Others mentioned commitments, such as social events or volunteering like what I often do, which can be disruptive.

Retirement provides an opportunity to structure our own time, giving us order, stability, and predictability. Our time is either structured by external forces or by ourselves. A typical example of an externally structured life is dedicating a huge portion of your most energetic years to an institution, such as medical school, often extending well into your 30s.

Yesterday, I discussed medical school with a friend from Kansas. Without such institutions managing our time, we must discipline ourselves to achieve comparable accomplishments. A challenge for many indeed.

Some people thrive in a structured environment. I am the opposite. I struggled to sit still through entire classes in elementary school.

Here lies a paradox in our attitude toward structured and unstructured time. On one hand, we desire freedom and spontaneity, longing to control our time. Do anytime we want. We feel constrained if the structure is too tight. On the other hand, we crave structure and order. Predictability reduces anxiety and stress, making daily life manageable and great for maintaining mental well-being.

This love-hate dynamic with structure seems deeply ingrained in our psychology. Retirement allows us to craft a balance, maintaining order and stability while enjoying the freedom of an unstructured life.

Finally, finding the right balance between freedom and structure in retirement can enhance both productivity and physical and mental well-being. It’s essential to create a routine with life stability while allowing the flexibility to enjoy newfound freedom. Embrace this balance so we can lead a fulfilling and satisfying retirement life.

A recent incident made me reflect on the difference between conversation and argument or debate. This is a distinction that seems like common sense but is often overlooked, leading to unpleasant situations.

Conversations and debates differ in their motivations, purposes, moods, and more. A lack of understanding of these differences can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and unpleasant outcomes.

First, a conversation, especially one between friends or relatives or in an intimate setting, encourages all parties involved to participate actively and non-aggressively. The aim is to keep the dialogue going and maintain a sense of connection.

Secondly, the goal of conversations, particularly at home, is to exchange information, accommodate different viewpoints respectfully, understand one another, and maintain a harmonious atmosphere. The focus is on mutual understanding and sometimes preventing awkward silences.

Thirdly, the tone of a conversation is generally non-confrontational. It avoids being challenging, belligerent, or aggressive.

In contrast, the goal of a debate or argument is to challenge the other person, your opponent. It aims to prove who is right or wrong, determine a winner or loser, showcase intellectual superiority, or establish dominance in knowledge or power.

Unfortunately, people often slip into debate mode when a conversation is expected in a family or friend gathering. For example, a recent occurrence in which I mentioned to an adult how a relative of mine in his 60s maintained good health by participating in football games once a week for decades. I was emphasizing the importance of regular exercise. However, the other person countered by saying, “Once a week is not enough. He must have good genes for his health.” This response shifted the conversation towards an argument, effectively terminating it with my silence.

Understanding the difference between conversation and debate is crucial for maintaining healthy and productive interactions. When we engage in conversations with the intent to share and understand, rather than to challenge and win, we foster stronger relationships and avoid unnecessary conflicts, especially in a home environment.

By being mindful of our approach, we can create and enjoy more meaningful and peaceful exchanges.

Let us strive to be better conversationalists, learning the art of dialogue. 

Let us control the urge to argue, dominate, and win every battle, especially at home. 

Let us appreciate the peace, richness and harmony that comes from truly listening and understanding one another in simple chats. 

Finally, let us always keep in mind this easily forgotten common-sense: the difference between conversation and debate, chat and argument and choose our words wisely to foster understanding rather than discord, peace rather than conflict.

Two days ago, I read an article by the Founder of Crossover Education. The article starts with a quote from Pixar's "The Incredibles," where Dash, the fastest kid on earth, says, "Everyone is special," which is another way of saying that no one is.

This statement resonates deeply with the current state of our educational systems, where homogenization and standardization have become the norm, whether in the U.S., China, or Chile.

Schools, institutions, parents, and students all believe they are on their own unique paths, even though they follow remarkably similar trajectories. Universities try to attract students by showcasing their unique offerings and special campus experiences, yet they often end up looking no different from each other.

Society's narrow definition of what it means to be special and successful creates a narrow path for everyone to follow, resulting in a heavy blindness and crowd mentality in the minds of our educators and parents alike.

I think it's time to pause and ask ourselves questions like these: why do I need to be special? For what purpose? Am I chasing "special" for the sake of looking "special" to others or following the fashion and trying to look special because that's what people value in me? Am I authentic or losing the real me by pretending to be special? 

In the hot, blind pursuit of looking special, both educators and parents tend to get lost in the direction and lose sight of the larger picture of the child's life journey and the big question regarding the purpose of education.

The purpose of education is to help students find themselves and their own mission in life, help them develop their talents and potential, and equip them with the knowledge and tools to realize their dreams. It is about helping them discover what they truly want from their lives. Being special is really irrelevant to this purpose.

In our quest to make each student appear special, we risk of losing sight of what truly matters in education. Even worse, we encourage students to act and pretend to be special, even though deep inside we know there's nothing special.

Instead of focusing on superficial markers of uniqueness and specialness, we should aim to cultivate environments that allow students to explore their genuine interests and develop their true selves. By doing so, we will create a generation of individuals who are not just superficially special, but deeply fulfilled and authentically unique. It’s time to redefine success in education, focusing on personal growth and meaningful achievements rather than a vain and hollow race for distinction.

Sunday evening, my Korean student told me, "I have been busy cleaning to get ready for the arrival of my in-laws. We have so much stuff that I have to decide what to keep, throw away, or donate. It is a really hard decision."

Her words reminded me of a Chinese saying I heard recently: 已饥方食，未饱先止 (yǐ jī fāng shí, wèi bǎo xiān zhǐ), which means "eat only when feeling hungry, stop before feeling full." This advice on moderation in eating can also apply to our accumulation of material possessions.

Both situations—having too much stuff and overeating—highlight a common problem in modern society: overconsumption. We often accumulate excessive material possessions and consume more food than we need, leading to cluttered homes, financial strain, and health problems.

The problem of overeating, driven by the availability of processed foods and high-calorie options, made worse by a lack of self-control, has led to an obesity epidemic in many societies. I think of one of my relatives in Beijing, who, after indulging in rich foods for decades, now suffers from diabetes, heart disease, colon cancer, and has had strokes. Many of my younger relatives already struggle with their weight problem and 3-high (b/p, cholesterol and glucose).

Similarly, consumerism encourages people to buy and accumulate more than necessary, creating physical and mental clutter. This culture of excess places a morbid focus on material wealth over personal well-being.

In the long run, this overconsumption is unsustainable environmentally. Just imagine the waste, pollution, and resource depletion resulting from our overconsumption!

The advice of eating only when hungry and stopping before full represents ancient wisdom about moderation and mindful consumption. It encourages people to develop healthy habits and avoid excess.

If people embraced this advice, many modern health problems could hopefully be mitigated and our planet would enjoy a better stewardship than what it does now.

Sunday evening, when I met my Korean student, she asked me to talk about the economic crisis. "Many people I know have lost their jobs," she said. "Things are so expensive now. We've tried to cut costs at every corner, like always cooking at home and not dining out."

We delved into the nature of capitalism and the American culture, exploring its inherent economic cycles of booms and busts and the emphasis on individual responsibility in times of crisis.

In the U.S., these cycles significantly impact people’s lives like you and me. However, the government, heavily influenced by capitalists whose primary interest is maximizing profit, resulting in prioritizing corporate interests over public welfare.

With this, America is still a great country to many people because it offers individuals maximum freedom. Here, you can pursue your interests as long as you stay within legal boundaries. That’s why entrepreneurs like Elon Musk and plenty of talents came to the U.S.

Also, the U.S. boasts wealth, a top-tier education system, a relatively just legal system, freedom of expression, and excellent public libraries. These factors attract many, including those from China.

However, these advantages come with trade-offs, especially in times of economic hardships. The way countries deal with crises varies due to their different systems and cultures. Despite being the wealthiest country in the world, the U.S. has one of the largest homeless populations among developed nations. This paradox arises from several factors: stark income inequality, inadequate social safety nets, its culture valuing extreme individual responsibility, and housing affordability issues.

In conclusion, while America offers unparalleled opportunities and freedoms, it also faces significant challenges in creating an equitable and harmonious society.