Yanwen’s blog

I like to share this story with my children about my Ukrainian student. She came from Kharkiv with her two young sons in May 2022. She taught mathematics in a university in Kharkiv before the war.

She likes to talk about her sons, that they are now taking online classes offered by Ukrainian schools because their school works here are too easy. "They don't even have homework!" she complains.

Moreover, she said, American schools have too many days off, due to this or that holiday on weekday. In Ukraine, we put these holidays on weekend, so schools never close.

She once told me about her son's ESL (English as Second Language) class. The boy came back from school crying, "Mom, I don't understand Spanish."

It turns out that in his ESL class, everyone except him is a Spanish-speaking student, so the ESL teacher teaches English in Spanish. A Ukrainian boy is lost in class.

I asked her, do you want me to talk to the school about it? She said, oh no, "I told my son, this is great. You can learn both English and Spanish at the same time! You are luck that you can learn so much here!"

By the way, when I shared this story with my friends, they all had the same reaction as mine. In a way, as a parent, we are all too fragile and over-protective. Not good for the children.

The Chinese proverb "塞翁失马, 焉知非福" (Sāi-wēng-shī-mǎ yān-zhī-fēi-fú) The literal translation is: It's a bad thing that an old man lost his horse, but who would know it could be a blessing in disguise?"

The Ukrainian mother can see a blessing and opportunity in any undesirable situation.  What a great mom!

Wednesday I met my Korean student online. Before leaving, I told her, "For this week, try to do something that you've never done before." She said, "You are like a personal trainer at the gym, challenging me mentally." "Well, if you feel challenged, great! That's what you need and that’s what I'm here for," I said.

Challenging people is what I often do while working with high school students on their college application essays. When I work with them, I always emphasize this: your writing, no matter what topic you may choose, must reflect your unique voice, so readers can see clearly an individual who stands out like someone they've never seen before. Also that voice must be authentic.

Some say, there's nothing new under the sun. People have already exhausted all the topics. High school students have very limited life's experience. True. But you still can demonstrate your uniqueness through your distinctive interpretation and perspective.

I remember one student wrote about self-portrait and explored why her self-portrait always turned out more beautiful than herself. She became philosophic about it and in the end embraced both her ideal self represented by her self-portrait and my current real self.

A Chinese saying describes this: 鹤立鸡群 (hè lì jī qún) The literal meaning is: a crane standing among a flock of chickens. You can see a picture of a crane towering over a flock of chickens, symbolizing an outstanding individual standing among the average. Make no mistake that people will notice you, if you make yourself as outstanding as a crane among chicks.

Early this year I met a Chinese immigration lawyer at a Spring Festival party. She told me something about her Indian clients that I didn't know before. 

Here's one difference between Chinese and Indians and how it might impact their experience in the U.S. While most Chinese students in America come from affluent families in China, like my sisters' sons, most of Indians are just the opposite. Many are supported financially by their extended families.

While Chinese students typically come to the U.S. for a college degree, Indians come to the U.S. determined to never go back, considering it a dead end if they do. If push comes to shove, many choose to serve in the U.S. armed forces in order to be eligible for naturalization.

There is a Chinese saying that applies to this situation perfectly: 背水一战 (Bèi-shuǐ-yī-zhàn). The literal meaning is: "fighting with one's back to a body of water." This means retreating is not a live option. This describes a battle situation where soldiers have no choice but to put up a neck-breaking desperate fight.

People are surprised to see tons of Indian CEOs in top American companies. Some attribute it to their master of English. However, language can't explain why they are doing better than most native speakers.

The truth is, due to the limited options that they have in lives, they are like fighting with their back against the wall, something unimaginable to Americans and many spoiled little emperors or princesses from China. 

I think of the meaning of a comfortable life, too many choices, how they could lead to lack of grit and motivation and the will to face challenges in life. Sometimes, people might perform better when having limited options.

I heard about changes in China's educational practices. Starting 2016, Beijing's No. 11 School added one item on their teacher's evaluation: How humorous is the teacher? I can't help laughing over this.

On second thought, it makes tremendous sense! According to a survey, on the average, a 4-year-old kid laughs about 300 times each day; a 40-year-old laughs about 3 times each day. Isn't it sad that we lose the ability to laugh as we grow old? 

Also, consider the interactions between the poker-face teachers and the happy children. Laughing is contagious. I once said, teaching benefits both sides. Surely so if the children can make their teachers laugh as naturally as children are.

I see an extra health bonus here. Many articles emphasize three keys to longevity: exercise, healthy diet, and great spirits or moods. Laughing keeps your spirits sky-high!

Chinese people like to say: 笑一笑,十年少 (Xiào yī xiào, shí nián shào): meaning: One laughing makes you ten years younger. In other words, with one smile, you will either look or feel ten years younger. What a great deal!

There is definitely a positive impact of a happy mood on your look and overall well-being. Be cheerful and positive! Trust the youth and health be with you, no matter what age. Laugh, one of the best medicines in the world, also it’s free!

Saturday evening, on the way back from the airport, my daughter enthusiastically shared her experience in Japan. Plenty of them. 

One part that keeps popping up in my mind is this. She said, "People whisper in public, on bus or in any public space.  You never hear them talk out loud. They are very conscious of keeping their voices down. They are very polite. We had to whisper when we talked in bus. It gets to the point of feeling depressed."

I keep imagining myself in a culture where I can't raise my voice or talk out loud all the time in public. No doubt I would be totally done in by depression. No wonder Japan has a relatively high suicide rate compared to other developed countries. They must be super depressed! Yet, Japan also has one of the highest life expectancies in the world. The average life expectancy in Japan has been consistently high, over 84 years of LE! People must feel fit in this culture.

At the point this Chinese words surfaced in my head: 适者生存 (Shì zhě shēngcún). It means survival of the fittest. I am not aware of Darwin's own definition of fittest. My guess is those who can best adapt to their environment, be it natural or social or cultural, must have better chance of surviving and thriving than those who are poor at adapting. 

Survival appears to hinge on adaptation rather than competition, especially in today's rapidly changing work environment, which includes the influence of AI and other technological advancements.